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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

(443 Posts)
Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:10

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

claudedebussy Sun 17-Feb-13 20:41:19

bleurgh he doesn't sound very socially capable.

i do think the best thing is to find another job. then you can shag him to your heart's content. providing he is ACTUALLY separated of course. and not just separated when he feels like it but still generally with his wife.

monkeyfacegrace Sun 17-Feb-13 20:49:39

Sometimes I feel totally, utterly NORMAL.

Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 21:06:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipachi Sun 17-Feb-13 21:21:33

Ok, you really seem to suffer with this situation.I didn't know what to think of this thread. I'm quite new here.

You said your job was boring. But a boring job is better than a shit job or no job.

Try to ignore him. All this blushing and then he is not too shy to touch you and keep in mind he is still married. Gee, that's not on.

You have to focus your energies on something/somebody else.
Spice up your private life. I strongly recommend dançe lessons. Ballroom dançe is beautyful! The office situation will feel more and more surreal.

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:21:00

"He" drove past my house a few minutes ago. I live miles away, in a dead end road,in the middle of a sprawling housing estate. Coincidence?

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:22:00

Oh, and have penned my resignation, nothing to do with him, I am unhappy at work and have a few irons in the fire.

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 18:28:04

Please don't give in your resignation until you've found a new job. Seriously, there just aren't the jobs around now.

So you've seen him on your estate? Tomorrow I think you should say, all casual, "Hey John, were you on my estate last night? I thought I recognised your car."

See what he says.

claudedebussy Wed 20-Feb-13 18:30:02

he's turning into a stalker now.

i agree with Imperial - 'so john, saw you outside my house yesterday. are you stalking me now???'

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 18:41:28

That's as long as it was him. How on earth did you recognise his car, OP? It's pitch black outside.

donnasummer Wed 20-Feb-13 18:43:38

were you at the window?

Usingtheplot Wed 20-Feb-13 18:47:54

Re the job. Well I've had a belly full. My masager ( not "him") is a total shit. I've spoken directly to him on numerous occasions and have always been very proffessional in my approach.
I think the " crush" was curious. Never seen him before, drive past.He's not creepy, but there is a definate "buzz"between us now. I can now see that I like him too, but my emotional side has been switched off for a long time.
I've been offered another job, crap hours, but my current job is problematic re.childcare. My parnets have said they will help with childcare whatever hours this new job entails. My Mom's words to me were; " We are a family and we'll support you in any way we can,so just go for it".
I'm not thinking the " crush" and me will be an item ( but who knows?) but it has been a catalyst in making me get my life in check.

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 19:42:00

Is 'masager' a Freudian slip?

ImperialBlether Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:01

You sound as though you have lovely parents. A change of job will be good for you.

OverlyYappy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:07

Take a few Kalms and have a cup of tea it will all be fine.

I would be tempted to put one of those things the police do on the road to burst his tyres, I am unsure if it legal though.

What about the window cleaner is he married ?

I would back off from the married cringey Manager man he sounds well, strange, do you just let him touch you?

<shudder @ thought>

I think I would get the sack if someone touched me, they would get a smack. It's a knee jerk reaction, so maybe a kick!

claudedebussy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:56:28

ok, usingtheplot. meet up with him for a drink after you've got your new job.

he's going to get one helluva shock when you resign!

Usingtheplot Thu 21-Feb-13 19:22:16

Popped into work today and on annual leave;as I'd left my winter coat and it's bloody freezing. Saw "crush" talking to colleage,telling her he was going to stay with friends in some remote cottage for a break. She was really coming on to him,telling him that if he was " at a loose end" to pop over to her place for a "bite to eat". I felt jealous!! Bloody size 8,50 something minx!!
My feelings have shifted several notches more.
On reflection, I have always known I like him. I talk to all my friends about this " lovely man",and stated that he's not particuarlly good looking but now I see him for what he is, and looks don't count. That said ,he is hardly a minger.
Oh boy, I've really got it bad.
In truth ,I didn't see this coming.
My dear Mom said I should pen him a simple letter when I leave work. She received a note from her partner of 24 years and it was so beautiful and simple. She thought he was a proper misery guts, but they have a wonderful relationship now, in spite of thier differences. Mom says I should do the same as I've got nothing to lose.

allaflutter Fri 22-Feb-13 12:25:59

OP, I agree with your mother and some posters - nothing to lose! just ask him out for a drink, especially as you are leaving the job. If you are too shy just have it as a 'leaving drink' rather than a date as such.He may well ask you out himself once you've left, so if you can't gather up the courage, just leave hin your mobile number when leaving, he'll jump at the chance by the sounds of it.

Feckssake Fri 22-Feb-13 12:46:21

This is really sweet and of course she's being a bit of a dramallama (fabulous word, btw) about it all- I would be if it were all high-schooly. He's probably way out of practice too - it's entirely possible that the last time he fancied anyone it was appropriate to react by stuttering and blushing.

Back in the mists of time, I remember being in a similar situation. You just have to bluff it out. Find a work-based excuse to talk to him, and ask him out:"Fancy a drink after work?" Whatever happens, you can at least enjoy the weekend knowing you had the balls to find out what the story was. Far better than freaking out until Monday.

I bet your hair looks fabulous and all now. Don't waste all that glossiness.

Feckssake Fri 22-Feb-13 12:56:28

oops! Sorry, was answering to loads of pages back.

Usingtheplot Fri 22-Feb-13 19:22:07

I have the "crush" to thank for giving me a kick up the arse regarding my appearance. I have work the same old make up and scruffy jeans for far too long. Have even had a few men chat me up!
If nothing else, I've had a bit of a wake up call.Im not, old ,ugly, unemployable etc.
I was going to write him a note to explain that I'm uncomfortable with him etc, but I've decided to just "fake" it and try to be the funny, slightly flirty person I was before. If he means business then I have to show some degree of interest.

isithometime Fri 22-Feb-13 20:47:00

I dont get it, do you like him now or not? If you do why are you going to try to pretend that you don't? [dating simpleton emoticon]

claudedebussy Fri 22-Feb-13 20:59:53

this is so wierd.

i would try to be as normal as possible if i were you. he sounds like he's 15.

Usingtheplot Mon 25-Feb-13 20:45:24

Ok. Today went to work feeling utterly crap. Have a nasty virus and can't seem to shake it off. Brain fog, sore throat, lost loads of weight. Piled on the slap and thought " get your act together girl".
Saw "crush" exchanged the usual pleasantries, but felt totally deflated.
He was a little flustered, I was a gibbering wreck.
Had my "speech" prepared, something along the lines of " I'm sorry I havent been myself lately, did you have a nice break etc?".
Saw him leave about 30 minutes before I was due to clock off.
Got into my car and he appeared in his moments later.What as he doing for half an hour.?I took the same route as it's on the way to my co workers house and I always give her a lift.
I am feeling so crap about this whole thing. I really need to telll him that his ( fleeting " crush" has made me feel so awkward around him. I honestly like him, but I'm not saying I imagine us being together or anything, but I need to confront him and tell him like it is. I want us to have the reletionship we had before. If he wants to take things further thats fine by me, but the current situation is unbearably uncomfortable. I penned him a simple note asking him to phone me,but alas I ddin't have the opportunity to hand it to him.
What to do?????????

OverlyYappy Mon 25-Feb-13 20:58:06

Tell us the note!!

You need to date him now, it will be hard to go away otherwise grin

I had a date at Xmas I was too nervous to tell if I liked him or not, then stupidly/sensibly finished things before I got the chance to find out and now I will never know. I think not... anyway...

You need to date him or never see him again (I do this and it works) so you cannot do the 2nd just now so you need a date. I have no advice on this as have never ever asked a man out on a date.

You need to date him though and tell us what 'the note' says, so we can teak it. You may be overly emotional or I could just be being nosy and a bit too caught up in this whole saga now

Oopla Mon 25-Feb-13 21:36:47

I just read the jist of this thread to DP and he sighed 'ah she's in season'. Wtf?!

I think a passionate kiss across the desk grin

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