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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

(443 Posts)
Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:10

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

FiercePanda Fri 08-Feb-13 21:59:39

Aren't Kalms just sugar pills...?

soaccidentprone Fri 08-Feb-13 22:01:41

well at least you have the weekend to muse it overgrin

but try not to worry or stress about it.

it does sound as though he has got over his initial 'crush' and is now acting on it. and I suppose it depends on what you want to do.

do you want to be reactive or proactive?

do you want to take this further?

would this make it awkward at work if a relationship was develop?

have you started looking for another job yet?

do you even want a relationship ATM?

you need to be honest with yourself. give yourself an hour at the weekend to think about it, the try to put this to the back of your mind.


loopylou6 Sat 09-Feb-13 13:58:35

What an exhausting life you lead OP, all these people fawning over you grin

kittybiscuits Sat 09-Feb-13 14:20:26

Love you OP and love this thread. Has anything exciting happened to you today? Did you see the paperboy? wink

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Sat 09-Feb-13 14:30:56

OP can I just ask what your username means? I'm intrigued.

saggytummy Sat 09-Feb-13 18:35:27

Blimey, what will you do if he goes in for a surreptitious tit rub with his elbow, that move guys try in the office and then pretend they didnt? Then you will know he fancies you.

It is possible people are noticing you, it happens when you give off "I'm available" signals even when you wear the same lippy and perfume, your hormones could be hotter and sexier.

saggytummy Sat 09-Feb-13 18:37:08

Another question are you American , the word mom isnt used in my neck of the woods? Are you sneakily advertising kalms for women who need help to chill!!

Usingtheplot Sat 09-Feb-13 21:46:04

Where I live in the UK we say " Mom".
I don't think I've been giving off sgnals, well not untill I became aware of this guy having a crush on me. I suppose I became self conscious and made nore effort with my appearance.
As for " Tit rubs" I've never heard of them. I dont work in an office, I suppose you could say I have a more hands on job ( if you'll parden the pun). The touching I described was a slight rubbing/patting of my shoulder and back.
Went to a wedding this afternoon and it was lovely to focus my attentions on the happy couple and family and friends, rather than thinking about what might happen with the CRUSH.

Usingtheplot Sat 09-Feb-13 21:47:59

Using the plot is a title of a book about a man who gets an allotment when the midst of a beakdown.( losing the plot)

Rooneyisalwaysmoaning Sun 10-Feb-13 08:00:42

Thankyou, found it though no mention of a breakdown? seems more to do with an anti supermarket experiment.

Looks quite good though.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Feb-13 10:45:41

Rooney, you are right. Using the plot is just that. Getting confused with another allotment themed book., called Alloted Time.

flatbellyfella Sun 10-Feb-13 12:07:48

You say you talk to men, the same way you would talk to women,(minus the nitty gritty). I think this situation is most certainly a nitty gritty subject you need to discus with him. If he deals with other workers problems ,as you say up thread, Take the bull by the horns,& ask him outright if he is playing a game with you, as you have noticed a change in his posture when he is close to you,that's making you feel a little uncomfortable. You don't have anything to loose,& he won't break at your direct approach.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Feb-13 13:49:54

I'm desperate to talk to him, but his newfound shyness is making things difficult.
He's been a bit more approachable for the past couple of days, but still blushes furiously when I look at him. He can say "hello" to me now, but only if he's passing me in the corridoor.
He makes a big point of talking to my colleague when I'm within earshot ( but out of sight) He speaks in a loud voice which is so unlike him.
I'm definately going to say something tomorrow, but I'm going to keep it light hearted. Any suggestions for conversation openers?

Horsemad Sun 10-Feb-13 16:13:54

Send him a Valentine card with not so subtle clues as to who sent it?

AndWhenYouGetThere Sun 10-Feb-13 17:00:40

Oh just have a conversation with him - an honest one, not exchanging pleasantries and ignoring the elephant in the room! Just say you've noticed he seems a little awkward with you, and have you said/done anything to prompt that?

Up to him to answer honestly "yes, you said/did this", "yes, I fancy the pants off you" or "no, nothing" (and, if the latter, he then knows to focus on acting normally).

The will he won't he anxiety isn't fun - so put a stop to it and sort it out!

Pipachi Sun 10-Feb-13 19:24:38

Poor guy. Saying "hello" to you on Valentine's day will be too much for him...Can you take the day off?

More seriously - how about asking "how are you?" for conversation openers?

Usingtheplot Mon 11-Feb-13 20:41:16

Well ,I was all up fo taking Andwhen you get here's advice, but hey! It was wall to wall meetings. bugger!! He was all of a sudden officious,looked twenty years older and I felt like he was a complete stranger.
I did cop him looking at me a number of times.I notice his hands shaking when he went to lift his papers.Am I looking to closely into this I wonder??

Horsemad Mon 11-Feb-13 20:56:55

Quite possibly... grin

Pipachi Fri 15-Feb-13 08:50:14

Any update OP?

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 08:58:22

Is he a dipsomaniac with a squint ?

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 19:34:18

Well ,here's an update:
Nothing really happened for a couple of days, exchanges a few awkard pleasentries,nothing els. Yesterday didn't see hide nor haif him.
Today he strode into my "office", very upbeat and confident. Strode right up to me as bold as you like and asked " Franchesca???? could I have a word with you?" My heart was all of a fluuer and I had my script al redy, something along the lines of " This is probably going to sound a bit silly etc, but I wish we could go back to being friendly and comfortable with each other etc, etc".
He then asked me would I sort out this" whatever" and place his hands on my shoulders and gave them a gentle but brief rub.
He was asking me to do something quite menial and I had already been asked to do it by someone in my department. It was nothing to do with him really.
I'm more confused than ever,Perhaps he's snapped out of his "crush"?
It's like he has morphed into someone else.
I enjoyed the touching though.

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 19:35:08

Please ignore the typos.

Pan Fri 15-Feb-13 19:52:38

is it at all possible that this 'crush' is..erm...all in your head? There could be a smidgeon of a possibility that something else is happening in his life, which is nothing to do with you?

fwiw, I'd stick to the window cleaner. IF he sees to your corners properly and he knows how to 'finish off'.

Usingtheplot Fri 15-Feb-13 20:00:25

The crush is not all in my head. To be honest I didn't find him sexually attractive at all. Then he started blushing, stammering etc. I saw him in a new light.

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 20:41:00

if your name is Franchesca, you might want to report that post

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