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Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

(443 Posts)
Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 09:40:10

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

Usingtheplot Thu 07-Mar-13 21:31:10

He just blanked me,5 or 6 times. I dunno what's going on in his head.

kalidanger Thu 07-Mar-13 21:34:07

I think he thinks that you fancy him and... he can't wait for you to leave.

claudedebussy Thu 07-Mar-13 22:39:31

sadly kalidanger, that does sound plausible. explains the blankings and awkwardness.

sorry usingtheplot. i do think this has shown you that you might be up for meeting someone though. no-one is an island and all that.

Pendipidy Thu 07-Mar-13 22:48:14

Kalidanger that is it! How can someone blank you if you ask then something straight to their face?

tbh, you do come across like you have either walked straight out of a Victorian novel, or from the Amish community.

FannyPriceless Fri 08-Mar-13 10:41:04

Do you think you jumped to a conclusion too quickly at the start that he definitely liked you?

Basically what you've described is a whole lot of awkwardness on both sides, which isn't necessarily the same thing.

Also I am really not sure how nice a character he is if he could blank you like that '5 or 6' times when you went right up to him and spoke directly to him. confused

claudedebussy Fri 08-Mar-13 10:46:36

this is what i think happened:

- using and potential enjoy chats with mildly flirtatious eyebrow wiggling
- office morons put 2 + 2 together and get 79
- morons tell potential that you like him. what's going on?
- potential thinks 'fuck i'm getting divorced - i can't get into this right now. will become offish. she'll get the hint.'
- using notices potential's fuckwittery and jumps to crush conclusion
- potential notices using's crush development and steps up avoidance techniques
- using tries to chat with potential who really is freaking out by now. panics and pulls blanking manoeuvre.

best thing i think you can do now is move on. don't try and speak to him again.

really sorry using, i do hope you find someone nice to hang out with {{{{hugs}}}}

oldwomaninashoe Fri 08-Mar-13 10:47:08

Kalidanger is spot on!

kalidanger Fri 08-Mar-13 11:32:46

I don't mean to be mean, and agree with Claude, including the hugs grin

Pollykitten Fri 08-Mar-13 11:41:01

The air grazed her bare skin as she shimmied into the bed. Usingtheplot's boss emitted a sound that was suspiciously like a growl, as she stretched out on the smooth comforter. There was an expression of such wanting on his face that she let her eyes shut for the briefest of instants, capturing his expression in her memory. This moment was her fantasy, the way she'd always longed to see Usingtheplot, his handsome face sharp with his desire, his need for her burning in his dark eyes

Pollykitten Fri 08-Mar-13 11:41:35

Tis Mills & Boon, innit? grin

SolomanDaisy Fri 08-Mar-13 11:57:56

Hahaha, this is a brilliant thread. Op quit a job because of her obsession! Crazy.

allaflutter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:28:12

I do agree with claude that someone at the office said something to him about your banter/jokes, and has put a bit of flame in the fire by specualtaing that you fancy him - since then he starter blushing suddenly! I do think he likes you though, unlike other posters - he did rub your shoulders and used to joke with you, and waited in carpark after all grin. I think he just feels awkward being discussed by the whole office for flrting with a colleague, so you will REALLY find out if he wants to see you AFTER you leave.

Plus we don;' know wha't up with his divorce - maybe he's very stressed, hence the shut door, no music. But how did he manage to blank you 5-6 times?! I hope you didn't ask for a chat this many times in a row! did you mean blanked you since? did he change te subject , or just walked past you - the latter would be very rude and he may be a weirdo or a nasty bloke after all. If he was normal and well-adjusted he would have talked to you and explained that he's waiting until you leave - or whatever else is his reason (even if it's an excuse),

allaflutter Fri 08-Mar-13 14:30:16

OR he already has an affair with another colleague, and this is why he was in the carpark then grin while bantering with you to divert everyone's attention, but maybe she then noticed that you aer having a crush and told him to stop. See I'm getting onto the spirit of Mills&Boons!

Pancakeflipper Fri 08-Mar-13 14:31:44

Oh PollyKitten. That was truly M&B. I am going to vomit.

WinterMymble Fri 08-Mar-13 16:29:08

Oh dear Using I think Kali and Claude have nailed it, unfortunately - their explanations fit perfectly what has happened. I agree best to just avoid him now.

ImperialBlether Fri 08-Mar-13 20:18:44

I'm of the opinion that men do pretty much what they want. If he'd wanted to chat to you, he would have. If he wanted to ask you out, he would.

It doesn't make any sense at all that he wants to ask you out but then blanks you. That doesn't work. If he blanks you it's not because he's shy; it really isn't.

I think he knows you fancy him. That's why he blushes when you come into the room. I don't think he wants a relationship with you. That's why he blanked you.

I'm really sorry.

I'm a bit worried about you, too, regarding what you said about seeing him in your street. You couldn't possibly have seen him, OP. That's just fantasy. It was dark, you were in your house. You wouldn't recognise him if he was driving past. No way.

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Mar-13 01:10:55

Ok, now for an imposrtant update.
Went to see him in his office and told him I was feeling uncomfortable with the "ignoring/awkwardness". He calmly replied he didn't know what I was talking about.
I explained that I might have been perhaps too friendly etc and had this caused any embarrassment?He stood his ground and said no,I think you might have got your wires crossed. I replied maybe I had but I've got a few more weeks at work and it would be nice if we could be friendly again. He explained that he'd been under a lot of pressure at work and was sorry if I felt this way.
Told him he was a smashing bloke and that I hope we could draw a line under this.
In a moment of madness I penned my e mail address on a stick it note,and said I'd be happy to keep in touch when I leave, but wouldn't be offended if he didn't take up my offer.
Again he was playing it cool. Hands behind his neck very aloof.He didn't show an ounce of emotion.
Well I'd given it my best shot.
He left work some time later and didn't speak to me or even once glance in my direction.
Didn't feel at all deflated, just a bit confused. Perhaps it was all in my mind after all?Am I am really losing it? I'd got it off my chest and felt a sigh of relief. Thought " he's nothing special to look at,he's just an ordinary guy,I'm over this whole business.He was just so cold.
Just checked my emails and would you beleive it he's sent my a message!! Very witty, friendly light hearted. Something along the lines of: "I confess I do have a soft spot for you, but our workplace makes things difficult" If you'd like to meet up in the future, that would be good. I understand you have found the situation uncomfortable and I'm really sorry etc.
So where do I go from here?

Usingtheplot Sun 10-Mar-13 01:24:05

Might add the message was not at all flirty, but quite long??
Noticed that he wore a thin wedding ring on his right hand. I'm sure he used to wear a chunky one on his left hand when I first knew him 18 months ago.
I'm reading far to much into this aren't I?
I'm sitting her past one in the morning and trying to make sense of all this crap.Does he like me or not? Do I really like him??
I think eveyone who's replied has given me a sense of "balance" re the whole situation.
I'm not the sort of person who "crushes" very often, had perhaps 3 or 4 in my life. But, this feels very different.I'm questioning my own sanity.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Mar-13 01:42:33

You wait until you have left, and then you invite him out for a drink.. it really is as simple as that.

kalidanger Sun 10-Mar-13 07:44:16

If you'd like to meet up in the future, that would be good.

This bit is the only bit that matters. He's said, loud and clear, that he wants to see you agter you've left. Don't fall apart now, fgs.

I'm going to have to hide this thread, you know grin

kerstina Sun 10-Mar-13 09:25:20

Fantastic news smile He confirmed he has a soft spot for you. I am sorry he would not have said that unless he really likes you !!!!!
Just keep your cool stay professional,don't try to talk to him at work. May be reply to his email saying that would be great to meet up and will look forward to meeting up with him. I would wait till you leave work then GO FOR IT !!!!!
Your intuition told you he liked you and you were right .I think you can just sense it.

claudedebussy Sun 10-Mar-13 09:31:44


the office morons picked up on it and have kiboshed the whole thing.

he does like you! (apologies, i got that bit wrong)

how to play it: i would do nothing. leave. wait a week or two to give him the opportunity to make the first move. if he doesn't, then ask him out for a coffee.

but i'd play it very cool now. he does like you - you've got the validation you wanted.

but also be wary - he's separated / divorced and raw.

great news! i'm really happy for you!

claudedebussy Sun 10-Mar-13 10:07:19

actually, i think exactly the same thing happened to him as happened to you.

- you were both enjoying the old office banter
- office morons pick up on it
- say to him 'oi oi what's going on here eh?'
- he thinks 'crap i can't have this going on at work. i'll have to ignore her from now on. but saying that she is rather hot...'
- cue the rest you know

please update us. this is the only excitement i get.

WinterMymble Sun 10-Mar-13 12:21:45

Wow Using that is great - a happy ending! Congrats and like the others say play it cool until you leave. Then you can leap on him ;)

Pipachi Sun 10-Mar-13 16:48:48

Blimey! Using-Francesca, I'm glad to hear you have finally a written message from him, after all that body language. Good luck!

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