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Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

irrationalme Sat 09-Feb-13 08:42:11

I can now Izzy, I won't go back.

I have two wonderful DCs, worked hard for my house, have a great job and wonderful friends and family. I am fullfilled, know my own mind and am happy to live alone.

Reading this board for three years has helped raise my bar.

I definately won't be going back; someone said upthread, words are cheap its actions that speak volumes and this is so so true.

izzyizin Sat 09-Feb-13 03:51:28

You should be asking yourself why is it that everyone else can see it except you?

irrationalme Fri 08-Feb-13 20:50:14

wobbly now and again but fine thankyou. This is not easy, oh hell no, but theres this little voice inside me that keeps switching back on 'this is absolutely the right path to take at this time'.

Took DCs out to dinner tonight at a friends restuarant. When I phoned her up earlier in the week and told her I had asked him to leave she said 'ah, he's insincere'. I hadn't even said why I had asked him to go and she hasn't seen me since before christmas.

BesameBesame Fri 08-Feb-13 16:47:54

IM if it wasn't for your thread I would probably have still been virtually on my knees with exhaustion but carrying on in the futile hope that…… well it's all academic now.

I ended it last night. Thank you IM.

Monty27 Fri 08-Feb-13 15:29:15

grin at binbags. Exdp used my really nice strong gardening bags git.

How are you faring up IM? Stay strong.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 20:45:53

Con-men are noted for their flowery prose, honey.

Bin-bags are a considerable courtesy on your part and I suggest you give him 24 hours to collect them from outside your home before they're taken to the tip.

irrationalme Thu 07-Feb-13 20:17:43

izzy, He sent me a beautiful letter, so I beautifully told him to fuck off.

<wanders off to look for binbags>

BeCool Thu 07-Feb-13 11:52:38

"Meanwhile I when I wake in the morning, just out of sleep I feel a sense of relief to be here alone with DCs."

I can totally relate to this. Yes I'm missing my exP, but the sense of relief not to be living under his moody cloud, is like a kiss & a hug on waking every morning. Just to wake up happy, me and my girls, is glorious!!

really inspiring thread irrationalme - you're doing so well.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 11:44:06

You're intending to let this man of low morals into your home again for the purpose of packing his belongings and enacting a farce in front of your dc in which his role is that of an adult who faces up to his responsibilities?

Are you entertaining some notion that your plan will lead to his reformation and maybe a reconcilation because, after all, he still loves you and always has done? hmm

What you're proposing is an exercise in futility; he's gone and the only reason for his return should be to collect his ready packed belongings, preferably when your dc are not around.

FWIW, I would imagine your dc detected his bullshit some considerable time ago and I fail to see any reason why they should have to smell hear any more of it.

irrationalme Thu 07-Feb-13 07:40:16

thanks Monty, Yes we do not need men in our lives whose behaviour is less than desirable.

Monty27 Wed 06-Feb-13 21:06:15

IM, we don't need men like this in our lives.

My exdp see himself as a saint. He wasn't. I try not to engage in contact but he reels me in often.

He needs to pick up stuff too (a drum kit etc) but I don't intend on being here. And dc's don't care if they never see him again. They sized him up before I did.

I'm hurting too. But resolved still.

Big virtual hug.

irrationalme Wed 06-Feb-13 18:30:42

Oh, there has been contact.

whilst emailing about his stuff that needs collecting, he was saying how he would never knowingly upset me and he's not a bad person.

I told him he's in denial and not a bad person but behaving like a cunt.

This elicited a poetic apology, saying my comments hurt, telling me he still loves me now as hes always done.

I sent back an extensive email refusing to apologise for my comments, detailing evidence he cannot deny exposing his untruthfulness, and details of how I want him to come here and pack his own things calmly, to show the DCs there is no animosity between us ( they have been told by me that we have disagreed, I am not happy and I have asked him to leave at this time ) and have a talk to them. In other words, face your responsibilites as its the decent thing to do.

Disappearing man with bin bags being thrown after him is not a good experience for them , afterall hes been a part of their lives too.

Hes sent me a text saying he is going to respond with truth, he needs to take a long hard look at himself.

Meanwhile I when I wake in the morning, just out of sleep I feel a sense of relief to be here alone with DCs. I miss him, it hurts but I know its the right thing now

Monty27 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:44:15

IM he may try and resume contact. Ignore all.

keep up the good work. smile

irrationalme Tue 05-Feb-13 07:32:14

Good nights sleep, nice lie in, now out to work

Inspirational song of the day

Monty27 Mon 04-Feb-13 23:57:58

IM I want that card. <goes to google)

You're a star smile

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 22:20:57

grin Superb!

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 19:55:50

I saw a card on the internet today, it was of a woman waving to someone who had left the picture shouting ' wait, wait! you forgot to take your bullshit!'

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 19:47:22

Here we are... I've got them in for you wine wine wine wine wine wine

This toast is 'Good riddance to bad rubbish' grin

You call the next one....

She might have been sane when she met him, garlic, but I suspect she's bordering on certifiable after 9 years with your ex. As yet another saying has it 'you never know what's going behind closed doors' but, in her case, you can make an educated guess and I suspect you won't be far off the truth - which will, since it seems to be my day for adages, will out as it always does.

NeverBeenToMe Mon 04-Feb-13 18:49:57

I've been lurking on this thread, but just heard the song "Best thing I never had" and thought of you - seemed to sum up your situation. Well done for having the strength to kick him into touch.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 18:02:32

drinks are on me grin

mothermirth Mon 04-Feb-13 17:41:49

IM, have read this thread and just wanted to say what an inspiration you are. I was in a similar situation to you many years ago and it took me far too long to see the light. Am raising a wine to you.

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 16:47:49

It's all true sad I didn't know any of this - emotional abuse, red flags, financial abuse, covert violence, any of it - until I happened on an article on the Web, started reading up and eventually found my way here. This board's an incredible resource.

I'm still susceptible to self-doubts, wondering if X was right after all and it was me ... after all, he's been married for 9 years, has kids, maybe she's sane and I wasn't? But anybody who maliciously destroys their partner's confidence, as he did mine, is a nasty person. He'll have done the same to her; just been a bit more clever perhaps. She'll be in one of those icy blocks of denial.

irrationalme Mon 04-Feb-13 16:34:28

Its reading this board for a few years which has helped me get there.

Dignity and self-esteem come up time and time again, and these two things were lacking and have been a constant theme throughout most of my past relationships.

I would rather be alone now.

I do have some great friends, and of course the DCS to care for

izzyizin Mon 04-Feb-13 15:29:02

I'm not so sure that denial isn't sustainable indefinitely for some.

What we see on this board is merely the tip of the iceberg; the bit that's starting to see the light melt. Which means that a fuck of a lot of women remain frozen in a rock solid block of denial, living their lives in similar bubbles to the one you have so recently burst out of.

I must admit to finding it hard to understand how any woman can claim to have found 'perfect love' and maintain this self-delusion illusion while she's picking up the tab but, as they reputedly say in Yorkshire, there's nowt so queer as folk.

garlicblocks Mon 04-Feb-13 15:28:13

It's horrible, isn't it. Bad people do bad things to good people sad

You weren't wrong to love him, you know! He was wrong - to put it mildly - to abuse your trust & good faith.

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