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Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 10:19:01

I smell a rat. You don't seem to know much about this guys past do you?
Have you ever askedd yourself if perhaps you "rescued" him?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 10:21:27

The freedom diet 'tis wondrous. Once you've lost the the dead weight, you might consider enrolling on the Freedom Programme to avoid your next romantic experience becoming as expensive as this one.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 10:31:21

I've known him for years, know plenty about his past, its cheesy i know but apparently I am 'the one' for now. We have been 'rescuing' each other, until now that is

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 10:34:41

Don't confuse "I have known him for years" with "he must be the right fit for me, so I must overlook the fact he is actually a bit crap"

Usingtheplot Sat 02-Feb-13 10:35:22

He sounds just like an ex of mine. He always said I was the one.

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 10:55:28

You sound very in tune with yourself and your instincts. Listen to them. You sound strong, and with clarity. Good luck. smile

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 11:14:41

You are 'the one' that enables him to live high on the hog and continue his self-entitled ways without hindrance.

Work out what 80% of the total sum he should have paid since he first lodged his cock in your home amounts to and present him with the bill.

I suspect he'll soon find another misguided female to leech off as his type usually has a few birds in the bush on the go to rely on as fall back positions.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 13:47:23

Yes Izzy, chucking him out later. He keeps telling me he needs my support WTF? I'm fucking exhausted and need to support myself first so i can support my DCS.

Feel need to get off hamster wheel of dodgy relationships I've been on for half a lifetime with immediate effect.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 13:49:19

I'm going to buy myself a new mattress and bed linen next week

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 13:52:25

Bloody cock lodgers

Have they no self respect at all?

DameFanny Sat 02-Feb-13 13:56:39

Oh Irrationalme I read "I'm in love with myself these days" and I just wanted to stand up and cheer!

Sounds like you're an amazing person, and you're in for a much better life than the one you currently have grin

fightingfog Sat 02-Feb-13 13:59:14

OP are you sure it's not my extwunt you're with? Story sounds very, very similar in all ways.

I had a letter, not left on kitchen table granted (but he's a liar isn't he). Ex sent me an anonymous letter telling me he was having an affair.

he left to be with old flame who is 'the one'.

He was a liar.

Very, very dodgy with money.

Has been engaged in battle with me to fairly divide the assets instead of leaving me and his DC high and dry.

whatever, if you've got one like that LTB.

garlicblocks Sat 02-Feb-13 14:27:29

chucking him out later ... need to get off hamster wheel of dodgy relationships

smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile

Whoo hoo, Rational you! Got to hand it to your instincts, when they get going they really work for you!

Know what you mean about Mumsnet - if I'd had it back when, my story would be different. I imagine there's a bit of turbulence ahead for you but, clearly, you're the right woman to handle it and are looking at a MUCH brighter future from here on in!

Look at the great lesson you're teaching your DC, too, about self respect and self-worth smile

SweetSeraphim Sat 02-Feb-13 14:35:28

Good for you OP, you are doing exactly the right thing. Best of luck with it all.

Monty27 Sat 02-Feb-13 20:19:40

OP I hope you're ok.

You sound to me that you know where you're at. That's a dam good starting point. smile

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 20:55:23

OP, how you doing ?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 21:04:22

Hope you're not being seduced by the usual promises of jam tomorrow and that you're telling him to pay all he owes you in hard cash for the jam he's already consumed.

MirriW Sun 03-Feb-13 11:07:20

Well this thread strikes a bit of a chord with me.

I also have a man "living" with me who, despite earning much more than me, contributes nothing to the household financially. Yeah he does a lot of housework and loads of DIY but financially - nothing.

Reason? He's saving up to buy a house in which he wants me to move in with him. Funny thing is, he first mentioned buying this house last year - went back on it and said we hadn't been together long enough. I forgot about it - then a few months later he brought it back up, told me to look out for suitable houses for us - I did, wasted shit loads of time on Rightmove doing as he'd asked only for him to turn around and say it was too soon to be thinking about living together. Cock!! So this time I TOTALLY forgot about the whole thing.

This was all before he moved in with me btw. So then he moves in with me and brings up the whole house buying conversation a few weeks ago. I simply laughed and said "ha not that old shit again! whatever!" and he looked shell shocked and said "no!! I mean it this time! I feel we've been together long enough to take this step now" and I was like "yeah like I said, whatever".

Last week he brought it up again "I know you don't believe me but I want us to buy a house together" and I replied "yep ok, whatever".

Now HE seems panicked that I'm no longer falling for it. He brings it up constantly and each time I show no emotion whatsoever, it bugs the shit out of him.

Sorry for hijack, just wanted to say I'm in the same position - man living with me, no financial contribution, just a promise of 'tomorrow'. I'm just going to see what happens with it. I'll give him 6 months because to be fair, I do enjoy him being here and he doesn't cost me much and what he doesn't contribute he probably spends on various other stuff for me. If he does suddenly want to "break up" once he's got the money for his house I'll know I've been a fool and take it as a lesson learned but I do feel you have to take chances sometimes in life and that's what I'm doing here. Maybe it will all work out and maybe he IS being genuine? time will tell.

AnyFucker Sun 03-Feb-13 14:18:00

Mirri, Why don't you simply tell him he contributes financially to your household running costs (because you have a real house, with real bills etc, not simply a figment of the imagination) or he ships out. You will get the answer you deserve sooner rather than later, then.

You are taking a "chance" on someone using your good will to save money. For something that may never happen with you

I don't understand your passivity

irrationalme Sun 03-Feb-13 14:55:07

Hes gone. I know its the right thing at this time. we talked a lot last night, yes he wants to be with me, loves me very much, apologised.

this time last week, I couldn't imagine being without him, we get on well, always have done but he did something last week, really fucked up and I can't get past it and now don't trust his motives at this time. My support for him has been unswerving and he tipped the balance by kicking that in the teeth for a moment yet still wanting more. I lost my faith last week.

I asked him to go because it will destroy us. Feel like shit but would have been shittier if I didn't do this.

Maybe I should but I don't give a fuck about the money

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 15:18:36

He gave you false hope, pissed on your faith, and abused your charity - and, even though it may take you a few days/weeks to fully realise it, you're well rid.

Next time round remember that, although experience often comes at a price', it's not necessary to take the old adage literally by paying hard cash for the dubious privilege of having a loser man in your life.

Give yourself a pat on the back for having done the right thing and have a wine

AnyFucker Sun 03-Feb-13 15:20:30

well done, IM

You know it's the right thing to do. If he did something you can't get past, it wouldn't have been fair on either of you to let it limp along, with your resentment growing and growing

Usingtheplot Sun 03-Feb-13 15:23:58

Good for you and you are right to forget about the money, it's not as if you're ever going to get any from anyway.
As someone who many years ago found themselves in a similar position, I'd allow yourself some time to mend. Therapy might help you think straight and understand why you allowed yourself to be so exploited.
Please don't allow him back into your life,I'm sure he's very persuasive and charming but he'll destroy you.
I wish you every happiness.

garlicblocks Sun 03-Feb-13 16:22:02

Oh, well done!

How are you feeling?

Monty27 Sun 03-Feb-13 16:25:09

IM well done. I suppose in a way you've 'written off your losses' before things got worse.

I hope you're ok.

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