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Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

Middy86 Fri 01-Feb-13 23:57:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:01:02

his work is good, no problems there, they couldn't sack him.

I have history of 'wrong' relationships; letting men do whatever they want to keep them happy. I am very passive. He is very loving but suddenly I'm seeing red flags all over the place

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 00:04:05

Are you worried about his relationship with your children?

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 00:06:12

Look, every relationship is different. Sometimes a man paying less than his fair share is a red flag, but not always. It really depends on your overall relationship.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:08:09

No Imperial, i'm sorry I do not wish to dripfeed I'm just nervous. I take care of children, hes good with them. He's lived with us for 1.5 years.

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Feb-13 00:09:24

Can you tell us what you feel uneasy about? Do you think he's taking drugs? Gambling? Stealing money from you?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 00:11:37

How has it come about that he's contributing considerably less to the household outgoings/family budget than he should? Has he ever paid the full whack? Does he make other contributions - i.e pay for family holidays, outings, replace clapped out appliances, shower you with gifts etc?

How long has this cocklodger tightwad has had his feet under your table?

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:16:24

none of the above Imperial. I am divorced we don't see dcs father mydcs are teenagers. he is going through divorce ( not because of me, grounds unreasonable behaviour started by his wife ) big fight over assets with his ex. I knew him years ago so was old friend who came back on scene, said he always loved me but i've basically been supporting him since hes been here.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:17:16

this is what I'm thinking Izzy. cross posts there!

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:19:50

I'm feeling a little bit sick, I know the drill been on the forum a long time

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 00:24:10

You think he is using you for a place to stay while he gets his feet back?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 00:26:08

If you know the drill, honey. you know it's time to kick him into orbit cut him loose and let him support himself at market rates.

Words of love are cheap, but you're picking up a mighty big tab for them and that is money which can be more profitably spent on yourself and your dc.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:27:46

He wants to buy with me, which means I have to leave area, when everything is 'sorted'. I understand from someone else he left his wife of many years by leaving a letter on the kitchen table
if he doesn't buy with me his options for housing will be reduced

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 00:29:04

Do you really want to buy with him?

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:29:34

i could have moved from here already and be mortgage free

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:30:33

last couple of days I've been on rightmove assessing what I could buy alone

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:35:21

I do all the cooking/cleaning/washing/DCs needs/sex on tap/bring him tea/pay all the bills

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:36:16

And hes in charge of remote control - its not looking good is it?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 00:36:52

He 'wants to buy with you'? O yeah? I'm sure he does - until everthing is sorted -- leaves a letter on your table-- swans off to more pastures old new with the proceeds and the savings he's accumulated by living off you.

But that's pie in the sky doing nothing to resolve your immediate problem, which is that he's been poncing off you for the past however long and it's high time he redressed the balance with a big fat wedge of readies.

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Feb-13 00:41:00

I think you are waking up darling!

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:41:29

my exH was highly abusive and 'lived off me' as this P puts it

garlicblocks Sat 02-Feb-13 00:42:39

Have a search on this board for two threads by BibiBlocksberg - they were called something like "It's all about him, isn't it" and "It's all about me now" grin

I think you're a little further out of denial than BB was when she first posted; you might find her story inspiring!

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:44:50

I've been so 'loved up' Pure, I think know you are right. I'm going to have a really good listen to him over the weekend and ask some testing questions. We have had a bit of a test this week and I didn't like the results; however it has served to knock my love goggles off.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:45:45

will do garlic

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