DD's blatant favouritism for Grandpa over Granny

[BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail]

...my father and step-mother. My DSM was never able to have her own children and as a result has a desperate craving to be close to the DGCs.

She's not a natural with children whereas my dad is; he's brilliant and very hands-on. My DSM just doesn't know how, despite her efforts.

DD is 2.9 and we are heading over to stay with them today for the weekend. DD is really excited and often talks about Granny and Grandpa, but this week she's really focusing on Grandpa and the dog being the ones she loves, not Granny

She says "I love Grandpa and [dog's name]" so I say "yes and remember how much fun you have with Granny?" to which she'll respond "No I don't love Granny!"

She's also been doing some incredible plotting involving talking about how she wants Granny to take the dog for a walk instead of Grandpa (DSM never does dog walking duty), basically so she can have Grandpa time without Granny there. She also added last night that I should take our dog for a walk as well so it can be just her and DF!

DSM is kind, loving and generous towards DD. I try to encourage them to do nice things together, and DSM often suggests things to DD that she would normally like, but DD just wants Grandpa and isn't afraid to say it.

DSM is clearly very aware of it and says how Grandpa is number 1.

I'm terrified it's going to be horrible this weekend based on how DD's been talking this week. She's a toddler so she'll say whatever she wants to say, but I really don't want my DSM to be any more hurt by it. I'm forever reassuring her by telling her stuff that DD says when they're not around but it's starting to sound false and forced (it's not, she honestly does say nice things about her).

I know I can't force DD to love DSM the way she loves DF, but I really need to soften the blows. Any suggestions?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Just keep telling him that Granny is very kind, loves her and she has to be nice in return. You can't make a kid like someone... my own DS hasn't got on with my DM from a very early age... but you can tell them that it's not kind to say 'I don't like you' should that happen. In the meantime, your DSM just has to accept that not everyone in life will like her and not to take it personally .... a fairly standard thing for any of us really.

[BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail]

I know, and I've been saying that to DD this week. DSM is just so painfully over sensitive about this sort of thing. None of us could ever tell her to just accept it and get over it

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Then it's DSM's insecurity that is the problem and not yours or your toddler's. So please do not go overboard with DD, be on pins waiting for a remark or feeling guilty if something gets said. Just breeze right on past it..... 'Funny old DD. The things kids say, eh?' If she wants to get huffy, it's really her look out.

[HeyJo]

Don't worry, children can be fickle and I'm sure she won't always feel this way. My DS loves spending time with his granddad and I think it's because they spend so much time with women (at home/nursery etc) that men become more of a novelty.

[IfYouCanMoveItItsNotBroken]

My daughter adores my step dad. At a family gathering none of my parents get a look in. Nor do my grandparents. Nor do my partners side. But if I'm taking her to visit my dad she's always really happy to see him. Perhaps you could invite your step mum to do something with you, without your dad there. In my experience my daughter would be delighted to spend time with another family member and doesn't think twice about sgd. There's really little you can do about this, sadly, I'm still waiting for my 4 year old to learn that it's not nice to exclude other family when my step dad is there!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

The more you push your DD, the less she will like her. You need to take the pressure right off, and just let things settle.

My DS2 is totally obsessed with my Dad, asks for him all the time, when we see them none of the rest of us get a look in. It does upset my Mum a bit, but because she is parent herself she understands that this is a phase they go through at around this age!

And I would have a chat with your DSM, reassure her that she is important to you and your family and that you all love her.

[ChunkyPickle]

The step thing is a red herring - DS adores Grandad - it's Grandad's house, Grandad's Car, Grandad this, Grandad that, despite that it's normally his Grandmother that picks him up (in Grandad's Car), it's her that makes him dinner, and her that changes his nappy, and she plays with him as much as Grandad.

Sometimes kids just get obsessed, and you have to go with it for a while, it'll calm down I'm sure.

[PartTimeModel]

DD was awful to her actual GM until she was about 4. The GM was very nice & very sweet to her. There was no obvious reason why DD1 'made her work' so hard. They got there in the end.

DD's GM, was fine about it- she was adult, she knew kids are funny creatures, she kept the love flowing & kept working at it - this is what your DD's SGM needs to do too.

[DeckSwabber]

Take the opportunity to do something nice with DSM yourself.

[mirry2]

Bearing in mind your dd wants you to go out and leave her with her df, maybe your dd just has a thing about men at the moment. I would say to dsm 'dd wants me out of the way as well. she insisted I take the dog for a walk so she could have df to herself.'

[Nanny0gg]

It's a phase.
My DGC would crawl over me to get to any man in the family. Does it bother me? Not any more. They're more than loving when I'm on my own!

Can you engineer it so that your DD seea your SM on her own for a while?

[Branleuse]

you need to build up their relationship. Maybe your df is not including his wife as much as he could because he enjoys it

[cronullansw]

She's not even three......

This week, my 3 year old loves Cornflakes, bestest ever!

Last week she hated them and never wanted to see the yucky things again.

Any advice what I should get her for next week?

[Lueji]

If anything tell your DSM not to make too much of an effort.

Sometimes it's better to give children some space and they will come to you.

Also, at different ages, children may associate more with one sex than the other.