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Anyone gone for a 'deed of separation' pending divorce?

(20 Posts)
Isetan Fri 01-Feb-13 15:46:34

To leave the country lawfully you must either seek your husbands permission or apply to the court for “Leave to Remove”. You must show the court that your desire to leave is not frivolous (destitution covers that) and by returning to your home country you will have support; somewhere to live, access to funds etc.

Your H being a dick (keep most communication with him in the written form) will actually help.

One step at a time.

izzyizin Fri 01-Feb-13 14:55:35

What support do you have from friends/relatives in your home country? Are they in a position to send you money?

Did you register your dd's birth in your home country as well as the UK? Does she have have dual nationality? Does she have a UK passport and a passport issued by by your home country?

Isetan Fri 01-Feb-13 12:44:37

I have kinda been where you are except I was not a refugee. Like others have said sort out accommodation first, a refuge is a start. Secondly, I was under the impression that the HagueConvention of 25 October 1980 on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction exists for the benefit of the child and if you can prove that your would be destitute that could be reason enough to leave the country. My family lawyer advised me to stay put because I could access public funds and my fuckwit ex was banged up and therefore I was not in immediate danger.

I know it must feel desperate and having no idea what the future holds is scary but take one day at a time. I petitioned for sole custody and won, he even used The Hague convention as a reason for the courts not to grant me sole custody because he feared that I would abduct DD. The court reasoned that it was in DD's best interest that her mother not live in fear. Because he no longer has any legal recourse to abuse me he has pretty much lost interest, I suspect your H will be the same.

Stay calm and take one day at a time.

P.S Have you confirmed that your country is a signatory to the Hague convention.

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 12:07:06

Going to sit here and be miserable as usual. i will never ever allow any man to come near me after this. and if i lose my daughter what reasons are there for me to live?? sad sad

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 12:04:10

I just need to get it all out of my chest, you dont have to reply. Im just stuck and i do not have anyone to offer me and dd accomodation for the time being. Im sure anyone in my shoes doesunderstand pretty well how tough it is. That why i want to go back to my country for support from my family BUT then my H would sue me for child abduction. im certain if you love your dc's that much and you are stuck, you'd be super stressed. h has had super control over me since day one and in one way or another i regret having called the police on him after the assult. it didnt kill me anyway. then i would have to beg him for permissio to leave the country and id be guranteed a roof over my head with dd. im sorry if sound completely stupid but thats just how i feel right now.

its ok if you guys dont see where im coming from.

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 11:55:46

teeny thanks.

Reaa as i explained above im not entitled to public funds since im on limited leave to remain in uk. If i claim any benefits it would be fraud right away.

Reaa Fri 01-Feb-13 11:51:03

Why can't you claim child benefit if you are not working?

TeenyW123 Fri 01-Feb-13 11:36:49

Sort out the roof over your and DC's head first. Contact Women's Aid, get accommodation, and using the distance that provides you with you can pursue whatever other options are available using legal assistance. It's like you can't see he wood for the trees ATM.


shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 08:49:34

I rang women's aid and they directed me back to SS to find a refuge. So did the Shelter Organization. Also to add, the Child Support Agency would not run my application if I do not yet receive child benefit(which I can't claim and I do not want to seen as fraud ). Seems like the only option/luck would be to try a legal separation or an actual divorce . I know it sounds very unrealistic but what else can I do? I can't run the risk of being sued for abduction but part of me tells me to just leave without his permission. He does know very well the position I am in but he doesn't care at all to compromise a little for the sake of our DD. He and his mum are very angry because I got him arrested.

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 08:30:03

Thanks Izzy for the lengthy well defined info. I'll try answer your questions,
First of all, yes I am married to H for less than 2years now. And my name is not on the drawn tenacy agreement which puts me in a more difficult position intetms of decision making(s). Im on a limited leave to remains with no access to public funds and the Social Services made it clear it'll be difficult for the council to house me and DD. I do know the refuges are open to all but for 'how Long' will I live there for.
I do want to go back to my country for support to start a new life with DD but H is likely to sue me for child abduction and there could be chances of him gaining custody if that happens. Meaning, he'll bring her back to the UK with him permanently. I do not want to lose my daughter at all. So, I'd rather stay longer until we agree on child access while I'm away. Ps, he earns very well and has an incredible bonus at the end of the year. Just a quarter of his income would mean the world to me and DD.
So, I was wondering where to go for a deed of separation which is made official by the court or an actual divorce just so I can survive abit longer.

I did consult a friend who is a solicitor and she'll get one of her colleague's to ring me for a free half an hour consultation. Its a great family law firm in London so hopefully I'll gather enough up to daTe info regarding the matter.

izzyizin Fri 01-Feb-13 05:07:43

Having now read your previous threads, the last being when your h 'boxed' your head and had taken himself before the arrival of the police and ambulance service, I would suggest, if you have not already done so, you act on the advice previously given to make contact with your nearest Women's Aid service which you can locate here: which is available to all women regardless of nationality/status etc.

Regardless of the content of any tenancy agreement or other contract between your h and the landlord/owner of the property you currently reside in, you cannot be evicted without due process of law from your rented marital home which means that the landlord/owner must first give you notice to quit by a given date and, if you do not comply, they must serve notice on you of his/her intention to seek repossession of the property before instituting proceedings in the civil (county) Courts for an order to evict.

It can take 3/4 months, or longer, after the date any tenancy/contract comes to an end before a landlord/owner can lawfully take possession of the property.

NB if you are not married to the man you call your 'h' in your posts and are not named on the tenancy agreement/contract, you may have no legal right to occupy the premises and, if this is the case, I would again suggest you make contact with Women's Aid (as above) or make contact with Shelter

It is unrealistic for you to expect that drawing up a deed of legal separation will compel your h to support you and your dd as the fact is he will be required to agee to any terms contained in such a document and, as he's made it clear he does not intend to support you, it's improbable that he will change his mind.

Athough he can be compelled in law by the Child Support Agency or the Courts to pay a small percentage of his income towards the cost of maintaining your dd, he cannot be compelled to maintain you unless directed to do so by a Court of Law and, from what you've said, you have already been advised by a solicitor that neither of these scenarios are likely to happen within the next 20 days.

Did you pay to consult a solciitor or did you take advantage of a free half and hour initial consultation offered by some firms? What makes you think you are not entitled to claim State benefits?

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 01:39:41

I'm in the UK.

izzyizin Fri 01-Feb-13 01:23:44

Are you living outside of the UK?

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 01:08:28

I'm not eligible for benefits. H will sue me for child abduction if I leave the country. That's why I'm considering a legal separation soonest possible the can support me why we disscuss child access when I move back permanently.(takes a while cause he has to agree to it according to the solicitor.

BrittaPerry Fri 01-Feb-13 01:00:23

Have you applied for benefits yet?

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 00:59:29

Pardon me,*by the* not my the

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 00:58:27

He hasn't taken us to court or got an eviction order. Its all from the terms of the contract between him and H. H is not willing to fight for a 3months notice because he obviously doent want to pay rent for me and DD since he was asked my the police never to come back to after the assult which led to him being arrested.

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 00:55:30

He emailed H the notice to leave the property and H forwarded the email to me. From the terms of contract, he is within his rights to ask as to leave.

izzyizin Fri 01-Feb-13 00:23:08

Let's take it one step at a time: you say you'll be evicted soon? Has your landlord taken you to Court? Has the Court made an eviction order?

shadesofwhite Fri 01-Feb-13 00:04:15

(I know I shouldn't post under r'ship but its the most watched section,hoping to get a quick responce before end of tomorrow. IYSWIM)

I'm not very well informed about divorce and separtion matters and since I'm about to face either I'd love to hear your exPeriences. We have a DD together and I'll be evicted soon. As a SAHM, I've got no source of income whatsoever and hence I'm not able to affor a place for me and DD. STBXH sent me an email saying he is not going to pay for my accomodation with DD.So I'm considering legal sepation hoping he'll have to pay for my and DD's maintenance(hopefully withing 20days since we have to move out) and divorce in future.

Has anyone gone through it? Did it work for you and you DC(s)? Did you involve a mediator? Paid legal fees? Please reply if you have some advice to help a desperate mum .
Thanks in advance!

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