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help me breathe, told husband I want to separate

(10 Posts)
snowshapes Thu 31-Jan-13 16:06:52

Dahlen, you are right, it has been and is an enormously hard decision.

snowshapes Thu 31-Jan-13 16:05:54

Thank you. Glabella, I am sorry to hear that you are in the same position, but glad that it gets a bit easier every day, I hope you are okay.

I slept about two hours last night just going over stuff in my head. I have no clarity - when we speak or he is here, I have a high level of anxiety due to the very high stress of our lives and different expectations of things. I get tense, he gets angry. I posted a couple of weeks ago, and the consensus was that he was controlling, and certainly when we talking last night, it seemed like it came down to what I need to do differently, but I physically can't do it anymore. I have flashes of memory of when things were okay, but I can't recapture that at the moment.

I told him I want to separate and work out a way of co-parenting. I think it will be a long journey, and I am so scared I am making the wrong decision. But I am trying to think of my life in a year, compared to how I have felt for quite some time now, and just take one step at a time. I don't want him to hate me, but you can't break up a marriage and be liked.

Dahlen Thu 31-Jan-13 12:04:51

We read a lot of crap about so-called broken homes, when the truth is that separating is often the first step to fixing them. In RL I haven't met anyone - male or female - who has taken the decision to "break up a family" lightly, and in every single instance the heartache and practical difficulties it caused were far outweighed by the long-term damage that would have ensued had they stayed. If you felt it was bad enough to need to separate, it almost certainly was and you've just taken the first steps to recovery. In the future, you and your DC will be glad you did, even if it doesn't feel like that now.

Glabella Thu 31-Jan-13 11:54:33

Holding your hand here too. I am in much the same position as you are, I asked my husband to leave a month ago. It is scary, but it gets a little easier every day. Breathe- you will be fine.

AloeSailor Thu 31-Jan-13 11:34:31

holding your hand.

snowshapes Thu 31-Jan-13 00:27:36

Thank you. Brown paper bag is good, and hand holding. Yes, I will need to talk but for now, sleep, work tomorrow. JustAHolyfool, I am sorry to hear that.

JustAHolyFool Thu 31-Jan-13 00:16:07

I hear you. Having problems in my relationship too although I have no children.

No advice, but here for you.

ChippingInLovesMN Thu 31-Jan-13 00:11:47

Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want me to hand you a brown paper bag?

ChippingInLovesMN Thu 31-Jan-13 00:11:14

Here's a hand to hold smile

I'm sure you've done the right thing - .... breathe

snowshapes Thu 31-Jan-13 00:07:21

Just that. On my own with DCs. I could not cope any more. He doesn't see the issues I do. I don't know how to explain any more. Sorry this is a bit random, but MN helps me feel calm. I know people have got worse situations than me, though, I am just posting to regain some clarity. I am either doing the right thing or screwing up my children's lives. I just feel so very much at the end of the road.

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