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How much effort do you put into friendships?

(9 Posts)
Kione Thu 31-Jan-13 15:57:20

yeah Barcelona, she can be a bit weird, she lost her best friend too, I just dont think its normal to be like that and its difficult to keep that kind of friendship

Kione Thu 31-Jan-13 15:55:55

I lost contact for a good while with some of my friends back.home.for different reasons but facebook and smartphones have brought us all together agsin and there are no hard feelings at all

BarcelonaBabes Thu 31-Jan-13 13:55:53

Urgh, that would really scare me Kione if a friend told me they only wanted one friend.

I had to laugh this morning as a friend sent me a text. I'd not heard from her in a year and it was lovely to hear from her so we chatted a bit. It made me laugh thinking how horrified my other friend would be if someone only contacted her once a year. grin

Kione Thu 31-Jan-13 12:42:49

no, that is very needy! I had a friend like that, that stopped being with other people sayingbuts better to have one good friend than lots of average ones, she absorved me to the point I was suffocated and I cut contact. what a relief!! a friend knows and respects when you are busy and doing other things, and kniws roughly when can you or cant talk, mett up, etc.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Wed 30-Jan-13 23:32:58

I'm the same as you; I don't have the time, energy or inclination to chase lots of friends and be in constant contact. I do try to keep in fairly regular contact with those I care about, just with a quick text once a week or so, or a quick coffee, but I'm not one of those people that lives in friends' pockets or wants them to live in mind.

BarcelonaBabes Wed 30-Jan-13 22:30:31

meaningoflife I think the amount I see her/contact her is roughly the same as it's always been, maybe a little less so lately as I've been quite busy, she works on days that I don't work and vice versa so it's hard. Then at weekends I like to have family time and I've never really been one for big nights out, which she always wants me to do.

Mumblepot yes I think she is needy really. I know a couple of people who have backed off from friendships with her as she is quite pushy and demanding. She did the same as your ex-friend did, really made me feel like the bad guy when as you say she is actually the one not being a good friend. She made it clear in the phone call that our friendship is over, and to be honest I do feel quite relieved about it because I won't have to deal with her demands now. With most of my other friends, I would be devastated and try my best to make it up with them, but with her I don't feel any urge to do that.

Mumblepot26 Wed 30-Jan-13 22:23:18

Your friend sounds very seem to have a good realistic mature perception of what friendship is. She is the one who is not being a good friend, by placing unnecessary pressure on you at a time in your life where what ou actually need from a friend is flexibility patience and understanding.. I had a friend like yours once, she always seemed to manage to make me feel like the bad guy, when in fact she was the most insincere in her friendship. I would keep her at arms length for a while.

Meaningoflife Wed 30-Jan-13 22:22:56

I have friends that i dont see or chat to for weeks at a time but when we do catch up its great. In my view true friends respect and appreciate that we all have busy lives and can't always be as available as we may perhaps want to be. Your friend does sound a bit demanding IMO. Has your relationship with her changed recently? Are you seeing her less than you used to? She may be worried that she is losing you as a friend and perhaps just needs a bit of reassurance that whilst you haven't always got time to chat with her for hours, you still want to be friends.

BarcelonaBabes Wed 30-Jan-13 21:57:11

A friend had a massive go at me the other day and said she doesn't wish to be friends with me anymore as I don't put enough effort into the friendship. I've known her for about 3 years and to be fair she is quite hard work; demanding and wanting to talk on the phone and via text quite a lot, and getting stroppy with DH if I'm not home when she calls.

I've never been one for having loads of friends but the other friends that I do have are all easy going like I am, they're not high maintenance, they don't need constant reassurance and contact from me and they don't make demands on me. I don't feel the need to see friends every day or even every week, but I do keep in contact with people that matter to me.

I just wondered whether this is what friendships are supposed to be like or am I being a rubbish friend? My very good friends know I am always there for them and am only on the other end of the phone if they need me or need anything. I have quite a busy life, and a DH and kids and I don't feel like I can be lots of things to lots of people, if that makes sense?

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