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"If you don't have an abortion then I'll do it for you myself"

(84 Posts)
Kyrptonite Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:57

This is what "D"P said to me yesterday. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it would be my third and his fourth. I knew he wasn't happy about it all but this has properly shocked me. I told him to leave, he said try and make him.
I agreed to do it. I don't want to do it, I really don't. I let him bully me into one last year and we had been using condoms. This feels like it should be happening (as wanky as that sounds).

What the fuck do i do? People at work know about the baby, MIL is my manager so she knows but DP doesn't know that anyone else knows (I needed to say it out loud to people so that it sunk in). My head is a fucking mess.

I know he's angry. He probably has a right to be as him bullying me into an abortion is probably no worse than me forcing a child he doesn't want upon him. There is no compromise here is there?

I'm rambling. I needed to get it all out.

hurricanewyn Fri 08-Feb-13 20:29:53

I've been lurking, but just came out of hiding because I'm so glad to see your update.

Stay strong & gather all the RL support you can find arond you.

ouryve Fri 08-Feb-13 19:40:32

Great news and good riddance! Thanks for the update.

BerylStreep Fri 08-Feb-13 13:09:33

Did he go without a fight?

MadonnaKebab Thu 07-Feb-13 23:20:01

Well done you!
Stay strong now

Lueji Thu 07-Feb-13 22:24:25

Well, congratulations, or sorts, and hugs.

You are better without, really.
Your MIL sounds great.

I hope all goes well with the pregnancy.

Kyrptonite Thu 07-Feb-13 22:05:36

update: he's gone. I think I am slightly in shock but also really relieved. I haven't explained to the DCs yet or told anyone in RL apart from MIL.

Kyrptonite Tue 05-Feb-13 21:17:48

Thank you everyone for your support.
I have let DCs keyworkers at nursery know the situation and to alert me to any issues they see. I work there as well so I have support from work colleagues which has been brilliant.
MIL is aware that I am going to ask him to leave. She agrees that he is a bully and we are better off without him. I feel awful that she is now effectively in the middle but she seems quite pleased to be having another grandchild at the very least!

Now I just have to tell my mum about the baby and decide whether or not to tell her what is going on. If I do then I run the risk of the DCs finding out what he has said years from now and I am not sure if that would ever be the right thing.

henrysmama2012 Tue 05-Feb-13 21:03:28

Having to deal with such a bully must be so are doing a great thing for you and your DCs by getting away from him. Stay strong and I agree with everyone about staying safe and also letting the police know the situation. What he is doing to your little ones by making them so distressed is just awful. Keep going as you will get through this and things will get better x

carlywurly Tue 05-Feb-13 21:01:24

Your OP title may well be the shittiest thing I've ever read on MN, and that takes some doing. You poor, poor thing.
There is no choice but to have him leave. What he's said is utterly monstrous. You and your dc's will no doubt be harmed by him remaining, be it physically or emotionally.
Don't let your poor little dc's have their childhoods tainted by this. Let the professionals help you out of this situation in the quickest, safest way possible.
Wishing you and your bump all the very best x

SolidGoldBrass Tue 05-Feb-13 20:56:54

Take care of yourself. You are taking the right steps but remember, if he does kick off, dial 999 and get him removed immediately. It's worth having a word with the local police DV unit to let them know that you are throwing out your abusive partner, and they will make a note to the effect that any distress call from your address is a priority.

Lueji Tue 05-Feb-13 19:46:55

You aren't letting anyone here down.

The only people you can possibly let down is youself and your DCs.

It's not easy to face a bully.

So, may the force be with you to kick him out of your life.

Xales Tue 05-Feb-13 19:16:59

You haven't let anyone down. It is very easy to say get rid when not involved in the situation and not knowing how dangerous it could be. It is not so easy in practice.

You know what you need to do, you know it needs to be done for your children. Keeping yourself and your children safe while you organise getting this man out of your house is important.

People will always be here if you need a virtual handhold.

Good luck

QuietNinjaTardis Tue 05-Feb-13 19:15:42

Good for you. Stay strong. Look after yourself and your dc and I hope you get this bastard out of your lives. Keep posting here there are always people around to talk to and give advice if you need it.

delilahlilah Tue 05-Feb-13 19:11:06

You haven't let anyone down. You are doing what is right for you and your children. He does need to go, and you are addressing that. Hopefully your DS will recover his usual self once things are happier and you will feel better too. Try not to react to the soiling and wetting, frustrating as it is. flowers

Kyrptonite Tue 05-Feb-13 19:03:03

Sorry it has taken me a while to update. Basically I have been a complete fucking wimp and he is still here. However as he is on nights tonight I am writing a note for him to see when he gets in in the morning explaining that I am not going to let him bully me into an abortion and that he is to move out. I can't have a conversation with him face to face without him bullying me or me being too scared to say how I feel so as cowardly as it is this feels like my only option.

DS has been picking up on the atmosphere I think. The last week his behaviour has been awful. Violent at nursery, completely refusing to listen to me and soiling and wetting 7 times a day. DD refuses to go to sleep and I am so fucking tired right now it's all I can do not to fall asleep at work.

I had to go to the hospital thursday with bleeding and stomach pain down one side. They thought it was an eptopic pregnancy but having had an ultrasound, a vaginal ultrasound and a smear (i forgot how little dignity there is in pregnancy!) everything seems ok and I have my proper dating scan on my birthday in a month.

Thank you everybody that posted. I am sorry that I have let people down by not throwing him out when you all told me to but I am now trying to take steps to remove him from my house and our lives.

sashh Sat 02-Feb-13 09:14:54

He's made a threat to harm you - call the police, tell them what's happened.


Buzzardbird Sat 02-Feb-13 09:00:27

Any update?

JuliaScurr Fri 01-Feb-13 20:39:33

you alright?

delilahlilah Fri 01-Feb-13 20:06:49

How are you doing Kryptonite?

Kyrptonite Tue 29-Jan-13 16:17:51

No news as of yet. I haven't really seen him as his shifts are opposite of mine this week and despite him being a cunt it's not really a texting conversation.

Will keep everyone updated. Thank you for the advice and support.

BerylStreep Tue 29-Jan-13 15:12:05


shinyrobot Tue 29-Jan-13 14:45:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuliaScurr Tue 29-Jan-13 14:28:05

what news of kryptonite?

Binfullofmaggotsonth45 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:18:03

Would it be acceptable to chop his cock off - to prevent the next potential pregnancy....?

If he's so unhappy about it why doesn't he get a vasectomy?

He's an abusive bully. So sorry op.

Thumbwitch Mon 28-Jan-13 22:13:12

Another one who thinks calling the police ahead and letting them know of his threat to harm your baby is a good idea.
I would also suggest you have another adult there when you tell him to leave in case he attacks you immediately - I know you haven't experienced violence from him before but that doesn't mean he wouldn't hit you.

And counselling is a great idea, I hope you don't have too much of a wait for it.

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