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"If you don't have an abortion then I'll do it for you myself"

(84 Posts)
Kyrptonite Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:57

This is what "D"P said to me yesterday. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it would be my third and his fourth. I knew he wasn't happy about it all but this has properly shocked me. I told him to leave, he said try and make him.
I agreed to do it. I don't want to do it, I really don't. I let him bully me into one last year and we had been using condoms. This feels like it should be happening (as wanky as that sounds).

What the fuck do i do? People at work know about the baby, MIL is my manager so she knows but DP doesn't know that anyone else knows (I needed to say it out loud to people so that it sunk in). My head is a fucking mess.

I know he's angry. He probably has a right to be as him bullying me into an abortion is probably no worse than me forcing a child he doesn't want upon him. There is no compromise here is there?

I'm rambling. I needed to get it all out.

badgersma Mon 28-Jan-13 17:38:11

Agree with Delilahlilah; I think it's worth speaking to your local police because it might put you on their radar in an unofficial way which may be helpful, as well.
It might be better for you to leave rather than him; sometimes people return to somewhere they feel they have a claim on, and you'd dread every knock on the door.
Anywhichway, he needs ridding.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 28-Jan-13 17:41:41

Threatening to harm you and your unborn child is an offence iirr (from that case with the doctor poisoning his gf to miscarry). Speak to the police get the bastard removed

JuliaScurr Mon 28-Jan-13 18:16:22

JuliaScurr Mon 28-Jan-13 18:21:41

<holds Kryptonites hand>

chezziejo Mon 28-Jan-13 18:30:11

What county are you in? I'm Derbyshire if its any help xx I'm usually up in the night too with baby if you need anyone.

RSVP Mon 28-Jan-13 19:57:55

you are not a shit parent-he is a shit person
Stay strong!

izzyizin Mon 28-Jan-13 20:26:17

As the tenancy agreement is in your name, ypu do NOT need to leave - but he does.

Don't wait until he 'kicks off'; simply ask him to leave and call the police if he refuses to comply with your request.

The only bag you need ready is one containing screwdrivers, small hacksaw, and pair of pliers, together with replacement barrels so you can change the locks as soon as he's off the premises.

After he's gone you'll be able to take stock and make plans that are right for you and your dc.

When you talk to Women's Aid, ask when the next Freedom Programme is due to start - and be sure to enrol on it.

Lueji Mon 28-Jan-13 21:08:24

He probably has a right to be as him bullying me into an abortion is probably no worse than me forcing a child he doesn't want upon him.

God, no!

You wouldn't be forcing a child on him.
Did he have sex with you knowing that condoms are not full proof?
Does he own your body?
He can leave the child and you if he likes.
He can't force you to have an abortion.

Do you even want to stay with him after that comment?

By all means have an abortion if you can't see yourself with another baby, but you should get rid of the git too.

delilahlilah Mon 28-Jan-13 21:26:47

Hope you are ok OP? Lots of support here for you. Totally agree with Lueji, in the post above thanks

Thumbwitch Mon 28-Jan-13 22:13:12

Another one who thinks calling the police ahead and letting them know of his threat to harm your baby is a good idea.
I would also suggest you have another adult there when you tell him to leave in case he attacks you immediately - I know you haven't experienced violence from him before but that doesn't mean he wouldn't hit you.

And counselling is a great idea, I hope you don't have too much of a wait for it.

Binfullofmaggotsonth45 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:18:03

Would it be acceptable to chop his cock off - to prevent the next potential pregnancy....?

If he's so unhappy about it why doesn't he get a vasectomy?

He's an abusive bully. So sorry op.

JuliaScurr Tue 29-Jan-13 14:28:05

what news of kryptonite?

shinyrobot Tue 29-Jan-13 14:45:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerylStreep Tue 29-Jan-13 15:12:05


Kyrptonite Tue 29-Jan-13 16:17:51

No news as of yet. I haven't really seen him as his shifts are opposite of mine this week and despite him being a cunt it's not really a texting conversation.

Will keep everyone updated. Thank you for the advice and support.

delilahlilah Fri 01-Feb-13 20:06:49

How are you doing Kryptonite?

JuliaScurr Fri 01-Feb-13 20:39:33

you alright?

Buzzardbird Sat 02-Feb-13 09:00:27

Any update?

sashh Sat 02-Feb-13 09:14:54

He's made a threat to harm you - call the police, tell them what's happened.


Kyrptonite Tue 05-Feb-13 19:03:03

Sorry it has taken me a while to update. Basically I have been a complete fucking wimp and he is still here. However as he is on nights tonight I am writing a note for him to see when he gets in in the morning explaining that I am not going to let him bully me into an abortion and that he is to move out. I can't have a conversation with him face to face without him bullying me or me being too scared to say how I feel so as cowardly as it is this feels like my only option.

DS has been picking up on the atmosphere I think. The last week his behaviour has been awful. Violent at nursery, completely refusing to listen to me and soiling and wetting 7 times a day. DD refuses to go to sleep and I am so fucking tired right now it's all I can do not to fall asleep at work.

I had to go to the hospital thursday with bleeding and stomach pain down one side. They thought it was an eptopic pregnancy but having had an ultrasound, a vaginal ultrasound and a smear (i forgot how little dignity there is in pregnancy!) everything seems ok and I have my proper dating scan on my birthday in a month.

Thank you everybody that posted. I am sorry that I have let people down by not throwing him out when you all told me to but I am now trying to take steps to remove him from my house and our lives.

delilahlilah Tue 05-Feb-13 19:11:06

You haven't let anyone down. You are doing what is right for you and your children. He does need to go, and you are addressing that. Hopefully your DS will recover his usual self once things are happier and you will feel better too. Try not to react to the soiling and wetting, frustrating as it is. flowers

QuietNinjaTardis Tue 05-Feb-13 19:15:42

Good for you. Stay strong. Look after yourself and your dc and I hope you get this bastard out of your lives. Keep posting here there are always people around to talk to and give advice if you need it.

Xales Tue 05-Feb-13 19:16:59

You haven't let anyone down. It is very easy to say get rid when not involved in the situation and not knowing how dangerous it could be. It is not so easy in practice.

You know what you need to do, you know it needs to be done for your children. Keeping yourself and your children safe while you organise getting this man out of your house is important.

People will always be here if you need a virtual handhold.

Good luck

Lueji Tue 05-Feb-13 19:46:55

You aren't letting anyone here down.

The only people you can possibly let down is youself and your DCs.

It's not easy to face a bully.

So, may the force be with you to kick him out of your life.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 05-Feb-13 20:56:54

Take care of yourself. You are taking the right steps but remember, if he does kick off, dial 999 and get him removed immediately. It's worth having a word with the local police DV unit to let them know that you are throwing out your abusive partner, and they will make a note to the effect that any distress call from your address is a priority.

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