Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

First counselling today after leaving - nervous

(27 Posts)
Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 12:21:43

Been having very mixed emotions , see original thread:

Taken today off work , first time ever sad and took the plunge and called telephone counselling. They're ringing back at 1.

As I sit thinking about it I keep remembering more and more that was awful and abusive, and his it made me feel. Am worried I'll not remember all the important bits to tell the counsellor.

Needed to get that off my chest, really hope it helps !!

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 12:22:37

Oh no, I don't know how to link properly. Conversation called 'Heartbrojen and Struggling to Cope' and was posted in relationships

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 12:55:20

Anyone? 5 mins to go!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 28-Jan-13 13:02:14

It doesn't matter that you don't remember everything. Just talk about what you want to talk about and they will listen. They're probably calling you now. Good luck

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 13:31:01

Hey cogito. She called, she didn't seem to know what to say if am honest? She seemed taken aback by my brutal honesty? She sounded young and inexperienced? Am a bit confused!

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 13:34:12

She actually said she felt sorry for me? Is this normal? Am not sure what my expectations of it were?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 28-Jan-13 13:35:32

Where did you find the telephone counsellor? Were you referred by your GP?

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 13:36:37

It's through work, confidential employee assistance that is subcontracted out

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 28-Jan-13 13:39:03

So it could have been anyone calling you by the sound of it.... not necessarily qualified. Have you been to see your GP? Can they recommend someone more competent?

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 13:43:01

No, I haven't been. I am worried about having it on my go record.

I do feel like she wasn't necessarily qualified.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 28-Jan-13 14:16:02

Counselling is a wonderful thing in the aftermath of an abusive relationship, Chaos. And from the sound of it (taking the day off work, memories resurfacing, nerves), you do want to process this.

Talking about it to a competent, impartial person is the best way to process your experience, overcome it, and move on.

I hope you find the courage to ask your GP for counselling, the same way you found the courage to phone your work helpline today.

AutumnDreams Mon 28-Jan-13 14:25:56

Chaos, please find a counsellor who you can see one to one, in a safe, confidential environment. Ask your GP, or if you can afford to go privately, look up BACP counsellors, in your area. Also, WA have fully trained counsellors.

What you have just experienced is not counselling, so please don`t be put off.

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 14:34:46

Hi all I really don't want anything related to this on gp record as it gets screened for work.

I have looked up bcap therapists, thanks.

What should I be expecting from a session? I feel I need to be advised! I know what's happened has been awful, and I feel sorry for me too, but I need a counsellor to be proactive with me , and not hang around in a cloud of pity

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 14:35:13

Ok I will call WA too.

sparklyjumper Mon 28-Jan-13 14:37:45

Hi Chaos, sorry to hear your session didn't go well. I once used my employee assistance programme for legal advice and it was rubbish.

I'll be watching your thread as I am also trying to build up to seek some counselling and don't really want it on my GP record because of work.

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 14:43:38

sparkly just trying to negotiate WA website; a bit all over the place!

Same with BACP for therapists. Have seen one lady who works in the area I work in, so may email her. Approximately £50 for £50 mins, but I really want to ensure who I work with understands the complexities of domestic abuse. I don't feel like the lady today could begin to imagine.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 28-Jan-13 14:49:15

Doesn't that go against patient confidentiality to have your medical records screened? You could still ask your GP for a recommendation and book privately, I suppose.

What to expect from a session. I would say first and foremost a professional listener. A properly-trained counsellor should let you talk and try to understand rather than pass judgement or offer empty platitudes straight off the bat. They will try to help you find explanations for your feelings & then encourage you work out the best solutions to your individual problem. They rarely tell you what to do. If you were lost in a forest with a counsellor they wouldn't be telling you which way to go when the path forked... they'd just be holding the torch and making sure you had the map the right way up. :_

sparklyjumper Mon 28-Jan-13 14:57:21

My concern with asking for counselling through my GP is incase my parenting comes into question. Even though I am completely confident in my parenting and my ability to me ds needs, because of the nature of my work 'if' the GP decided to share my info with other agencies, that could potentially mean my employer knowing my business.

Sorry to hyjack chaos, please let us know how you get on.

sparklyjumper Mon 28-Jan-13 14:59:59

For example I had some counselling when I was about 13, just a few sessions to do with some problems at school. And I was questioned about this by the midwife when doing my pregnancy notes, even though it was some 10 years later. It was only a general 'is everything ok now' few questions, but any little thing like that could potentially cause problems because of who I am now employed by.

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 15:01:01

Hi both- no worries sparkly!

GP records get requested to assess sickness absence/'mental health etc in my field at job offer stage. You must give consent, of course. I wouldn't fancy not giving consent as the opportunity would likely disappear. Today is also my first ever day off, so absence not an issue.

Unfortunately the perception to the outside world may well be that this (the DV) and the counselling show a character weakness

AutumnDreams Mon 28-Jan-13 15:17:05

A good counsellor will not offer advice Chaos. He/she will listen to you, then work with you in great depth to examine the distress you are feeling. Encourage you to find ways to deal with that distress. You will be in control of the process at all times. The counsellor will follow where you lead. Make sure you choose someone you feel a rapport with.

Incidentally £50 is rather more than the average per session, although not unheard of. The norm is more likely to be £35/40, depending on which part of the country you are in. Good luck.

Chaoscarriesonagain Mon 28-Jan-13 15:51:03

Thanks OP.

The prices here start at £50 and go to £80, which I thought steep.

Going to have to really do my homework on finding the right person

Chaoscarriesonagain Fri 01-Feb-13 11:05:09

Another session today, but in a really, really bad way now. I have rung WA and hopefully they will get it more.

I feel utterly destroyed. I can't believe this is happening.

Flisspaps Fri 01-Feb-13 11:09:08

<holds hand>

Chaoscarriesonagain Fri 01-Feb-13 11:12:14

Thanks fliss I can't believe he did this to me and cares so little . Stupidly called him in a moment of weakness

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now