Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I know I need to end things, finding it hard :-(

(20 Posts)
drypond Sun 27-Jan-13 15:29:09

Me and my partner have been together about 9months I'm currently pregnant and we where getting on fine, as the months have gone by issues have come up about his ex, my gut instinct was telling me he wasn't over her, they have a child together so I weren't worried at all about him having contact with his ex but I noticed he seemed to mention her ALOT.

At Christmas we had a row about something his ex in law put on Facebook I posted a thread about it at the time and I really think I should have just ended things then but I do love him and want things to work.

Things where settling a little but we went to his little ones birthday party yesterday and I spent pretty much 3 hrs on my own at a party i know nobody :-( when I looked up at him he'd be looking at his ex, at 1 point I went over to him and we where talking and his eyes weren't on me they where on his ex.

We didn't leave together but he came to mine later with a valentines teddy, some sort of guilty thing I suppose, yesterday as just made my mind up I need to end things but I don't know if I should hold off till baby is born (could be preterm in a weeks time) do it now, or if I should try talk it out with him and see where we can go.

Sorry it's so long winded

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sun 27-Jan-13 15:55:38

What did the inlaw put on Facebook?

So Im guessing you must have got pregnant very very quickly into the relationship if you are about to have your baby but have only been together nine months? So the relationship didn't get a chance to establish itself first.

I think its hard when things happen that fast. Its hard to really know someone deep down and i would imagine it could cause insecurity issues.

I've no idea of course if that is really the problem, not saying that you are being paranoid by the way.

It does sound as though you might have reason to feel the way you do, and i would be upset to, but its hard to know if he really can't take his eyes off his ex or if its your reading of the situation. If you were worried already you might notice every time he looks at her and not so much the time that he doesn't. So it gets exaggerated in your mind.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sun 27-Jan-13 15:58:35

I meant to say . . .

If you are sure that's its not you being insecure then listen to your gut.

How long had they been split up when you lot together?

meditrina Sun 27-Jan-13 16:06:25

If there are issues in the PG, you are going to be under a huge amount of stress anyhow. Your priority has to be your health and that of the baby.

It's OK to stay with him and accept support from him in the short term, until after the birth and until you are fully recovered and can have some thinking time about whether is is the right relationship (assuming this is 'is he really over his ex' not 'he's borderline or actually abusive'). Indeed what he does around the time of the birth might crystallise your feelings one way or the other.

Seeing this as a kind of probation time, and using it to make a variety of plans for a future (with or without him), may well give you greater strength to come to the best decision for you and your child.

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 13:18:45

I know deep down its not me, he literally left me for 3 hrs on my own at a party full of his exs family where I knew nobody and he's blamed me for not mingling, I'm tied I could leave now but then I have a scan next week and I want the news from that but I just feel like a bomb waiting to blow....

The ex In law as posted a photo of him and his ex from the past arms round each other then she posted a status about Christmas tagged him in it with his ex and it said they where sat at hers when he wasn't he was at his mums house but I got upset about it and I've been blamed for ruining Christmas

delilahlilah Mon 28-Jan-13 13:28:43

You can still have the scan, you don't need him for that. It is very reasonable that you got upset about the things you have mentioned. Are you sure he was at his Mum's? If you have doubts, there is a reason you have them. Listen to your gut instinct, do what it tells you and get as much help and support as you can, here and in RL.

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 14:12:23

We are arguing about it now, he thinks because he came to the table twice where I was sat at the party then it's fine, I can't do it anymore my gut instinct tells me to leave now

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 14:56:02

I don't understand why he sees no wrong at all

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 28-Jan-13 16:11:54

Are you positive he was at his mums? That's very underhand of the relative to post the picture! Could you tell where or when the pic was taken?

He's really not being sensitive to your feelings. He's sounding like a bit of a player!

It must have been excruciating being at a party with his exs family!

Bobbybird40 Mon 28-Jan-13 16:18:27

The fact that he already has a kid with somebody else when you met him should have told you he was a bit of a toe-rag, OP. What goes around comes around I guess. My bet: now that you are expecting, he will be off looking for somebody else to impregnate. Dirty rat.

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 16:26:53

He was 100% at his mums the in law was ragging him to say what a nice time the little one was having at Christmas, that's what he said anyway, his little one is to a long term relationship but theyve been split 2 years the photo she put up was from years ago. But he just blames me for kicking off if I say anything, he sees no wrong ever in anything he does.

I just want the world to swallow me up at the minute :-(

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 28-Jan-13 16:31:51

You're obviously not happy with him or his reactions when you are upset, or even to his exs family when they do sneaky things. You don't need proof of anything to finish with him if he's not making you happy, that is reason enough.

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 17:21:50

Just gutted things have turned out this way. I really thought we could make it work :-(

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 28-Jan-13 19:33:11

Yeah i bet you are sad

When's your baby due? Do you have other support?

drypond Mon 28-Jan-13 21:14:24

Baby is due in march, I've got a few friends I can talk to...a massive arguments broke out tonight he's tying to make out all he wanted was to enjoy baby's party and speak to everyone.

I just can't take anymore of his shit

fuckadoodlepoopoo Tue 29-Jan-13 09:55:13

How are you today? Have you spoken to him about it yet?

drypond Tue 29-Jan-13 11:24:47

We have rowed but he's not talking to me now, I just don't think I can see a way we can be together its hard to admit it, iv trxt saying if he can't talk to me then il text his mum in abit to sort out for when I go in labour and when the baby is born but left it at that :-(

fuckadoodlepoopoo Tue 29-Jan-13 11:37:53

What did he have to say about it all?

drypond Tue 29-Jan-13 12:22:50

He tried saying I had face on because he was enjoying a party then he tried saying I should have mingled, any excuse to not take any blame really he won't come down to talk to me I think he wants me to end it so he doesn't want to be seen as leaving a heavily pregnant lass I've blocked him and all that family for now for my own good and feel better for it

drypond Wed 30-Jan-13 08:19:21

Don't know if in doing the right thing, he came last night apologising (which I didn't expect) he never admits he's wrong after long talks we've agreed 1 more try n that's it then.

I got a lot off my chest about the spiteful ex mother in law too which I felt better about

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now