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erectile dysfunction

(36 Posts)
frustratedashell Sat 26-Jan-13 23:52:01

I love my fiance very much. We are getting married in May. The thing is hes diabetic and suffers from ED. Hes tried viagra, cialis and another one I cant remember the name of. They have worked occasionally, but lately not at all.
He needs to loose about 2 stone. Ive tried to encourage him to eat healthily and do exercise. We started a new diabetes type diet just under 4 wks ago. In the first week his blood sugar levels dropped and he lost 3lbs. So we were both thrilled, but since then his levels have come back up a bit and hes put some weight back on. Meanwhile he does not try to please me in other ways (in the bedroom) and Im getting fed up with it. This has been going on for 9 months now. Ive been patient and understanding but now my patience has run out. I dont feel he is doing all he can to help himself. I dont want a sexless marriage/relationship. I have talked to him about this several times. Its now 15 weeks till we get married and Im wondering if I should call it off/postpone it. Ive told him this. The thing is I do want to be with him, hes a wonderful partner in every other way. Most things are booked and half paid for. If im going to call it off/postpone I think I need to do it asap. He knows how I feel, Ive asked him if he thinks im being unfair and he said no. I know hes fed up with the situation too but he doesnt seem to follow anything through, eg he got his testosterone levels checked and they were a bit low. The doctor wasnt sure if he could have testosterone supplements and said she would find out. She never did get back to him. Hes not chased it up. That was at least a month ago. HELP!!!

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Mon 28-Jan-13 01:00:24

Well done. Hope all goes well for you.

FWIW I think you have done the right thing for you.

It's sad though - sad that he didn't care enough to make the changes you needed him to make, and sad that he is too lazy to sort out his life and health. It is his loss. I really don't understand people like this.

Good luck with it all.

frustratedashell Mon 28-Jan-13 01:26:31

thanks tired. Yes it is sad and Im sure there will be tears. But life goes on.

Darkesteyes Mon 28-Jan-13 16:02:37

Frustrated you have done the right thing for you.
What he said about understanding you sleeping with someone else but that he would be "hurt" if you did is manipulation.
He was trying to guilt trip you into staying faithful to him even though he had no intention of keeping his "with my body i thee worship" marriage vows to you (had you got married)
Like i said upthread that kind of reaction tells you all you need to know.
Im sorry that you are upset at the moment.
It sounds to me that he is losing a lovely woman. And he only has himself to blame.
I thought he was just a fool to start with but your post about his reaction to the open relationship suggestion tells me he is manipulative as well.
Good luck frustrated.
You deserve more.

frustratedashell Mon 28-Jan-13 17:24:40

Thanks. x

TDada Tue 29-Jan-13 22:07:14

So so sorry to hear but understand. I think food is an additiction for some including diabetics. Consider saving your lump sum and living with parents for a bit?

frustratedashell Wed 30-Jan-13 07:22:17

Hi TDada. Thanks for the suggestion but I couldnt as I dont like my step dad all that much. lol. They havent really got room anyway. Things are moving along nicely at the moment. Ive looked at my finances in detail, eg estate agents, solicitors, clearing debts and loans. I know how much I should have "left over". Have been looking at room mate websites and renting a 1 bed flat. Ive seen a couple of nice flats which Im going to view tomorrow, which arent too expensive. Ive spoken to the agent and found out all the costs involved and its doable. I would still have some money left. As im currently unemployed (working on it!) I would have to pay all the money up front for the 6 months rental, which I dont mind at all. It then gives me some security and time to get a job and find out what the monthly bills will be like. I can then decide whether or not to stay there. Im actually feeling happier and quite excited.
Im going to stay where I am till I can move into a new place. The initial awkwardness has gone and we are fine at the moment. I just miss the cuddles!
He is being very helpful and cooperative.
Darkesteyes, I can see why you think hes manipulative, but really hes not. Yes that sounds like Im in denial, but honestly hes not. He was just stating how he would feel, as was I.

He knows hes lost a good thing (modest!) and accepts that its his own fault. He wants me to stay but hes not pressurising me. I think he may learn from this.
Im now looking forward to building myself a new life. Thanks for your support.

frustratedashell Tue 28-May-13 14:29:42

Hi people, well it's now the end of may and I'm here with an update. I moved out of my ex fiances on Feb 18th. Now living in a shared house with 2 really lovely people, and a gorgeous dog! Lol
The whole experience has made me reevaluate what I want in life. The plan was to be single for some time, sort myself out and get over it. I have to say I have hardly cried at all over him. The wedding day has passed, not an easy day, but I'm fine. I've started up as a self employed cleaner and it's going pretty well. And I've met someone! Yes I know! It wasn't meant to happen yet! But we are in love and the sex is out of this world! If you had told me this would happen 3 months ago I would have said you were mad. So I'm happy but still scared. He knows about the ex and has been so under standing. We're thinking about moving in together, but I'm still wary. Trying to be sensible. Anyway hope you like the update.

MagicHouse Tue 28-May-13 14:38:28

Fab update grin well done you!!!!

hobbknob Tue 28-May-13 20:40:00

How wonderful, a lovely update, I'm thrilled for you.

frustratedashell Wed 29-May-13 21:42:58

Thanks everyone!

Darkesteyes Wed 29-May-13 22:54:49

I knew i recognised yr user name from somewhere when i saw you on that other thread.
So pleased for you OP thanks wine

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