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tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

(1000 Posts)
chocoreturns Sat 26-Jan-13 22:44:42

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all sad

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll sad

AgathaF Wed 20-Mar-13 11:21:29

choco - couldn't you just have freindly meet-ups with 'the one that got away', to support him etc, and see where it goes?

chocoreturns Wed 20-Mar-13 16:26:07

I've invited out the-one-that-got-away (TOTGA... shall we just call him totty? ;) ) to a mutual friends birthday drinks in a couple of weeks. Historically he wouldn't have come (evening+alcohol+dark rooms and music was not a combination we were willing to risk) but he says he will. That's good enough for me for now...

I am actually so tired I feel like a zombie right now.

The kids have crashed in the buggy after 10 straight hours of crying, pooping and puking. Some days are beyond hard work!

AgathaF Wed 20-Mar-13 16:43:35

Grab some sleep while they do, you must be exhausted.

Great about the birthday drinks invite. You said historically he wouldn't have come - did he feel you were the 'one that got away too'?

chocoreturns Wed 20-Mar-13 19:45:03

I think he did. He didn't come to my wedding, and when I asked him outright why, he said he couldn't have watched me do that, he'd have ruined the whole thing by objecting there and then... it was said as if it was a joke, but honestly it didn't sound like he was joking and I didn't push it. Later on he told me he did pass by and see me in my dress when the pictures were being taken but he didn't come in. I guess that about sums it up for us. Too little said, always too late. I think I need to give him some time to sort out what needs to be sorted (they have a little boy too) before I do anything at all though. It's been a decade, another six months to a year even wouldn't kill me!

Also, the rather lovely guy I met yesterday has been texting me all day and he is really funny and sweet. Definitely on my wavelength so I think I will see what happens and just enjoy getting to know him. There's no rush to get involved with anyone really, is there? Just building up my confidence again smile

bamboozled Wed 20-Mar-13 21:26:24

Very exciting stuff - time for a new thread??

chocoreturns Wed 20-Mar-13 21:38:18

ooh go on then. New thread it is. Any ideas for a title? grin

whateverhernameis Wed 20-Mar-13 21:50:44

It should be "The One That Got Away"

cheeseandpineapple Thu 21-Mar-13 08:45:12

Blimey Choco, Totty must have really had a major thing for you. I know this is RL for you but your updates are like an online soap -am hooked and can't wait to find out what happens when you and Totty go to your mutual friend's drinks!

I had something similar with a friend. I was with someone else and after we broke up I got together with my friend and now we're married with two kids!

It did get a bit messy to begin with, when we first got together and the friendship shifted from being platonic. I wasn't sure if we worked well as a couple initially and it was a bit weird transitioning.

Choco, this has the potential to be amazing or it could be emotionally denting. Either way, you need to find out and great that you have this opportunity in a couple of weeks to see how things feel. V excited for you and I think you're right not to jump into something too quickly.

Cute guy sounds v keen but if you start getting to know him now and then need to ease off, that might be tough on him.

Nice problems to have though at this stage!

chocoreturns Thu 21-Mar-13 19:31:29

ahh cheese that adds fuel to the fantasy haha. I am so glad it worked out for you grin I am not going to overthink it, and I am also worried it could all go horribly wrong so reluctant to even consider taking any steps to see what might happen anyway.

I suspect that a new thread from me may simply be titled TOTGA - so if you see that one, it's just the next instalment... I'm not sure that I feel my life is as interesting as a soap but hey, I'm putting it out there for public consumption, so I can't be offended if you're hooked! <tries hard not to feel under pressure to stay interesting lol> here's the latest update on Totty: I just texted him a hug, and got one back asap. Ooh the excitement! haha. Or not. Probably just me wink

The other cute guy IS very keen and I'm happy to meet up, but I think I will have to be explicit that I'm not looking for a relationship right now, so it's up to him whether he wants to spend time with me, given that it may not go anywhere. I don't want to lead him on or take the piss. He is actually far too nice for that. We have had some lovely banter going back and forth and he has asked me over for dinner at his, not sure how to play it for now. Any advice?

Crikey, I have a business to start as well, mustn't forget that!!

Midwife99 Thu 21-Mar-13 20:59:09

I really think take all opportunities offered & then see how you feel. I'd avoid BIG relationship chats until the issue is brought up by one or other of the gorgeous blokes, relax & enjoy it!! You are beautiful inside & out & hot good men are noticing you!! wink

olivertheoctopus Thu 21-Mar-13 21:14:10

Sounds v sensible and mature to me

AgathaF Fri 22-Mar-13 07:45:20

I agree. A new friendship is lovely and doesn't have to become a relationship.

chocoreturns Fri 22-Mar-13 08:56:48

wise words as ever midwife smile

chillax and enjoy is the order of the day...

blackcurrants Fri 22-Mar-13 13:21:18

Yes! Chillax and date! YAY DATING! smile

[bad back, cold, potty training DS1, wee everywhere, totally needs to live vicariously]

Midwife99 Fri 22-Mar-13 13:25:20


BerylStreep Sun 24-Mar-13 21:57:09

Just got back from a weeks skiing, and omg, dates everywhere!


chocoreturns Mon 25-Mar-13 10:52:31

I am definitely getting in the mood for some fun. Booking a haircut and bought a rather sexy outfit this weekend too... including some foxy knee high boots. Time to get out there!

TOTGA has been texting lots. I am trying to stay chilled and not read too much into it. Hard to do when I feel like a giddy teenager haha

Skiing sounds lovely, where were you Beryl?

Midwife99 Mon 25-Mar-13 19:46:46


bamboozled Mon 25-Mar-13 20:39:44

How exciting - keep us updated!

AgathaF Tue 26-Mar-13 07:59:28

Wow - good for you.

Bet you're walking around with a mysterious smile on your face....

BerylStreep Wed 27-Mar-13 17:21:23

Choco, we were in the French Alps, in a place called Morillon. It was fab, lots of fresh snow, and my DC are old enough now to ski with us in the afternoon - which gave me heart palpitations as my DS who is only 5 has absolutely no sense of fear, nor has he really grasped the concept of turning. I couldn't look half the time.

Sexting - what fun!

BerylStreep Wed 27-Mar-13 17:22:28

Or is a better description to condense flirting and texting, to make flexting? grin

chocoreturns Wed 27-Mar-13 18:54:01

definitely more flexting than texting grin nothing overtly out there yet! And I suspect he may yet do a disappearing act on me, which would be normal TOTGA behaviour. Whenever there is a sense of things progressing one of us has historically done a wee freak out step back. I'm not going to press him at the moment. What will be, will be.

Hot blind guy is very into me though I think, so I will have to see how tomorrow eve goes. I'm hoping for fun and light-hearted stuff, not a relationship per se. We definitely share a sense of humour so I hope it will be lots of giggles.

I have a weird one with a guy from my office. He has been helpful in sorting out some bits and bobs for me while I get myself started, and tonight he has asked me to coach him saying the last few days have been 'traumatic' and he's burnt out. My gut feeling is that this is one I should pass on to a colleague because I'm not convinced his interest is purely professional. He's married with children, and I'm not the least bit interested in developing any kind of friendship with him if he's feeling vulnerable... feel a bit confused about it really. I don't want to seem to be encouraging anything other than a professional relationship at all. I know his wife, and want to be sure that I'm beyond reproach in any way if they are having challenges sad

BerylStreep Wed 27-Mar-13 19:16:37

Listen to your gut.

Xales Wed 27-Mar-13 19:35:31

Glad you are having fun. Be careful that your ex doesn't suddenly see you as an interesting object once he realizes and tries to reel you back in.

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