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tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

(1000 Posts)
chocoreturns Sat 26-Jan-13 22:44:42

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all sad

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll sad

blackcurrants Thu 28-Feb-13 02:22:32

grin grin grin glad to hear things are going well with sexy Chip grin grin grin

DS2 had his eight week checkup today and didn't approve of the jabs, but has been a sweet little pudding all week. He's 13lbs 9oz now and such a smiley gurgly chap, we spent ages this morning just lying next to each other, face to face, chatting. smile

I am applying for jobs and trying to write my dissertation but mainly I am loving this time with him. He's my last baby and changing so fast, being so big makes that quite intense. He's wearing clothes that DS1 didn't grow into for a few weeks yer, and things like the sleeping bag which was always baggy on DS1 (long baby) is positively snug on DS 2 (long and very round!). The doctor today said. "look at that belly, you look like Santa!" grin and when he sits up he really does! ahh, baby bliss. I am SO fat, none of my clothes fit, and I am tired and my hairdo is awful but aaah he is so lovely! grin

AgathaF Thu 28-Feb-13 08:23:42

choco it's so lovely to hear you sounding more upbeat. I'm really pleased that Chip is giving you some happy times - long may they continue grin.

chezziejo Thu 28-Feb-13 08:44:38

Good morning all. Aww so glad it's working out so far with chip. I think your doing right to take it slowly, and if he is as keen as he sounds he will wait. Hope you got the work thing sorted too. I know how you feel about sleep. Little DD is 14 weeks now and she has been go

chezziejo Thu 28-Feb-13 08:53:32

Bloody phone. mutters disgustedly. As I was saying Dd goes down around 11 and wakes up at 3ish and then 5ish. I suppose its not too bad and she is formula fed as I just couldn't do breast feeding with her. Only managed three weeks but the poor thing did have a shaky start as she was admitted to hospital at ten days old. You have my massive admiration tho doing it all on your own, because I know I couldn't. Ds is pretty good at night thankfully he's 2.8.

My back is loads better thank you it does flare up occasionally after an old injury. Hope yours is feeling better too bamboozled. I've got to go back to work four weeks early from mat leave but that's a whole other thread sad
Looking forward to hearing updates from chip tho grin

Hopasholic Thu 28-Feb-13 12:10:37

Hi choco, well I only really discovered MN yesterday & sat up until 1am reading your story. As many others have said you are truly inspirational. I've signed up just so I can say 'bloody well done for holding it together'. As I sat up sooo late, I then forgot to set my alarm, woke up at 8am to find my DS had got up & set off for school ( he's nearly 13 but still, I don't usually slob in bed & leave him to it!)
DS2 was sat eating his breakfast. MN turned me into slummy mummy overnight! ( first post can't fathom smilies, iPad won't seem to let me select) hey ho, big smiles from me and a blush for slumminess)

Midwife99 Thu 28-Feb-13 12:42:17

Fab-u-lous!!!!! grin

chocoreturns Thu 28-Feb-13 19:02:33

haha@ hopasholic I'm ever so slightly envy with jealousy at your 8am start, I have had the payback day to my late night shennanigans, DS2 is teething and snotty and in the worst (I mean worst) mood ever. We scored about 3 hours in total sleep last night and I am just about crawling around the house right now in an attempt to get myself together again (I have a work client in an hour) before I collapse. I can only thank GOD that DS2 is old enough to make do with a formula soaked weetabix tonight because I've run out of pretty much everything else I could feed him in the house. The only thing left now is a lonely sweet potato I will have to mash him for breakfast... as a fellow slummy mummy you have company!! Speak of the devil, I thought he was asleep but no, there he goes again. Ugh. SO. MUCH. CRYING.


AgathaF Thu 28-Feb-13 19:11:21

Hope you get a bit of peace and sleep tonight choco.

I quite fancy a weetabix with hot milk now grin.

Midwife99 Thu 28-Feb-13 20:28:16

Human contraceptives!! How did we ever conceive babies 2 (& in my case 3 & 4?!!!!)

bamboozled Thu 28-Feb-13 20:43:23

Ooh er, that excitement of waiting just a bit longer gives you butterflies, doesn't it!!
Back so much better, almost a fully functional human being again, just in time before kiddos and DH traded me in for a younger perkier Latvian model..
So glad everything is looking sunnier.. Roll on spring! X

bamboozled Thu 28-Feb-13 20:48:28

Oh no, posted without refreshing the thread - so not quite as sunny then.. Oops...
I don't think that makes you slummy mummy, dd 10 has battenburg for breakfast as she is a fussy painfully thin scrap, and it's the only thing she will eat before going to school - that makes me slummy mummy for sure.. Obviously the Trollop head probably gets her to eat tahini and avocados or something equally as worthy, but hell,, it's all about the battenburg in our house grin
Hope the crying stops Choco - sending lots of peaceful night vibes your way ...

Hopasholic Thu 28-Feb-13 20:49:32

Heart goes out to you choco. I'd like to say I remember it well, my two are 20 months apart, I can barely remember a thing, just the fog! But honestly you are doing THE most amazing job with very little support it seems. I used to have a girl from college one day a week who was doing a child care course and needed a placement. Although she wasn't left unsupervised, she did help out with things like making up feeds, sterilising, washing baby clothes and reading to them. Just an extra pair of hands for a few hours. This was of course several years ago and I have no idea if colleges still do it. (probably too much red tape nowadays) Just a thought smile

Midwife99 Thu 28-Feb-13 20:54:33

Yes my elder two are 15 months apart - all a blur in the early 90s!!! grin

cheeseandpineapple Fri 01-Mar-13 18:54:47

Good to hear you sounding so "chipper", Choco!

chocoreturns Tue 05-Mar-13 10:58:23

hello, I know it's been ages, I've had friends down for the weekend. I hope all is well with you guys?

Just popping back because I'm hoping for a bit of MN wisdom on this dating situation. So, Chip... well after another very full on date (the one last week) yet again he's gone off radar and ignored texts. I've only sent two - one he replied to saying he won't be able to see me for weeks - the other, a very general one saying that's fine, hope all is well etc, would you like to catch up for a chat? got nada in reply. I'm beginning to smell a rat. Am I being cynical or is he hoping I would be a booty call and put out, and now I haven't he's disappearing like a bad smell? Or worse, the 'separated' wife isn't separated from him at all? I've not seen his house or met anyone who knows him... or should I chill the heck out and just wait and see?

I went on a date yesterday with someone else (just lunch) and thankfully I think my twunt radar is becoming far more finely tuned. This guy (lets call him PoloPlayer) was charming, generous, gregarious etc. On the surface. But actually referred to the mother of his child and significant ex as an 'idiot' 'trust fund child' and complained she's 'not a proper grown up'. He told me that he's managed to tether her to his (rural) location via buying her an ex-council house in a part of town he considers a 'joke' so he can pop in on his child, and that his ex had 'accepted her fate gracefully' ie, she didn't put up a fight when he controlled her options leaving their relationship so that she is stuck in what sounds like a crap house and limited area indefinitely... oh, but that he would move wherever he fancied in a year or two because then his child would have had a 'good foundation of stability for three or four years'.


Where are the men who actually like women??

bamboozled Tue 05-Mar-13 11:47:54

Oh dear - what a lot of twunts there are around!!
Steer clear of chip, I think it sounds more like a booty call relationship, and while there is a time and a place for that, maybe you are a bit fragile for this right now?
As for Mr Polo - step away, step far far away!!
How is the sleep situation, has the cage stair gate helped at all?
Still stuck at home, the painfully thin child now has my flu, hasn't got out if bed since Friday - not even for a bed on the sofa and is shrinking in front of my eyes...
Have decided I am a bit addicted to MN, as it seems unlikely that i will be leaving my house again!!

BerylStreep Tue 05-Mar-13 12:46:52

shock at PoloPlayer! I wonder if his former OH is a MNer? If not, she should be!

Oh, Chip sounds a bit disappointing - what a shame.

How are work and sleep going?

AgathaF Tue 05-Mar-13 14:15:22

Well, PoloPlayer sounds a bit of a twat. Yes, best avoid that one.

Shame about Chip - whatever his reasons for blowing hot and cold, I should think it's a scenario you are best not to get involved with. Could be for lots of reasons - not so separated, generally hot/cold character, looking for a shag, just not emotionally recovered from his last relationship. Whatever, I shouldn't think you need the hassle.

Midwife99 Tue 05-Mar-13 17:40:05

Uggghhhh Polo player is a complete mysogenist & I'm afraid chip is a frightened rabbit and/or player. I think both are beneath you. Keep hunting & eventually you'll find someone who deserves you!! thanks

Skyebluesapphire Tue 05-Mar-13 18:43:56

Avoid both. I fear if you put out for Chip, you probably won't see him again. Polo player sounds like a pretentious knob. Chip sounds like a waste of time.

blackcurrants Tue 05-Mar-13 19:45:30

Urgh, no, consider them 'practice material' and move on! Nice to have got a small hormone surge w/Chip, but probably not worth putting yer pulling pants on for.
And as for Polo... bloody hell, I didn't know men like that existed outside of MN threads! PUUUUUKE!

saffronwblue Wed 06-Mar-13 09:55:00

choco I agree that you should not get drawn into Chip's games. As for Polo - his poor ex-wife. How can men think that describing cruel behaviour makes them attractive?

chocoreturns Wed 06-Mar-13 17:13:33

I know, it's bizarre isn't it?? I literally sat there thinking, "wow, you actually may as well have twunt stamped on your forehead. Hmm. Good job I know how to spot 'em now..."

Chip has text. Sigh.

I'm actually too busy to date right now so I think I'm going to shelve it all and move on, safe in the knowledge that I'm clearly capable of conversing with a man, and fancying one as well. I think that's about all I need to know for now!

AgathaF Wed 06-Mar-13 17:27:29

That sounds like a good plan choco. I think I would be very tempted text back and ask Chip why he goes off the radar so frequently though.

BerylStreep Thu 07-Mar-13 08:28:17

Choco - there is only room for 75 more messages on this thread! Can you believe it?

Anyway, I notice there haven't been too many updates about T&T recently, and I hope this means that all is going relatively well on that front?

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