Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

(1000 Posts)
chocoreturns Sat 26-Jan-13 22:44:42

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all sad

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll sad

Midwife99 Wed 06-Feb-13 09:22:35

Oh Eskimo that was really inspiring - would you be so kind as to post that on wavesandsmiles' thread "So DH said". She really needs our support right now. Pregnant, in hospital with hyperemesis & DH is up to the usual tricks with the same old script.

BornToFolk Wed 06-Feb-13 10:08:20

Eskimo, that's lovely. It's nice to hear from someone who has been there, and come out the other side.

porridgeLover Wed 06-Feb-13 10:31:53

Morning choco.

I'm mainly back to mark my place to hear how your date tonight goes blush grin grin

eskimo thanks for that. I'm another who needs to hear this.

mumvskids thanks for the link to waves thread, I'm beyond angry at that one.

AgathaF Wed 06-Feb-13 13:00:46

There are some lovely posts on this thread - and others on MN smile

choco hope your date tonight goes fabulously grin

Skyebluesapphire Wed 06-Feb-13 13:01:36

hi choco, hope your date goes well tonight

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 14:24:34

Still housebound so need more entertainment. What are you going to wear - did you deal with the fuzzy legs? Does date 3 call for Bridget Jones knickers or fancy pants grin
Can't reach the ice cream as kiddos put it in the bottom shelf of the freezer so am stuck with your dating stories and a curly wurly for afternoon fun and snacking..

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 06-Feb-13 14:44:11

Marking my place - have fun this evening!

Midwife99 Wed 06-Feb-13 14:47:58

Oh no bamboozled - are you still indisposed?! Hasn't the sexy back doctor snapped you back into action?
Have a fab time tonight Choco - I hope the heating is back on - you don't want anything to stop the Carpenter showing off his abs!!

MumVsKids Wed 06-Feb-13 14:55:03

Thank you for offering support to wavesandsmiles too, that lady is really going through the mill sad makes me so angry

Choco I'm another place marking to hear all about tonight's date night wink

Any news on the boiler?

DH has tried to balance our prehistoric heating system today, with the effect that all of the radiators are now cold instead of having two very hot ones hmm

It's nothing DH has done, it's just our crappy old system, Baxi Bermuda back boiler and micro bore pipes too - it's bloody freezing here in this wind sad

Our fuel bills have regularly been £91 gas and £61 electric for the last 3.5 years. If we were to switch to a combi boiler, our gas bills would likely halve as they are much more efficient systems.
Just something to think about, as a single parent, if you claim tax credits or income support, then check out warmfront (google it) as you may be entitled to a grant to get your heating fixed regardless of whether you own or rent. I think the criteria says you need to have a non-working boiler, the landlords agreement and be in receipt of certain benefits, and you could get up to 3.5k and a new boiler installed.

I can't get it as DH works, and though we were getting WTC, our heating system actually works, although very inefficiently and sporadically.

Anyway, have fun tonight, I'll be back to read all about it later grin

Skyebluesapphire Wed 06-Feb-13 15:29:39

MumVsKids <hello> - sadly the Warmfront grants ended in January. I only know this because I recommended them to a friend last week and they googled it and they have now ended sad I had my whole bungalow centrally heated on that grant, it was fantastic... but yet another cutback I suppose...

eskimo - I second (third, fourth!) what the others have said about your post. It's always so inspiring to know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 15:39:30

Thanks Midwife99, dishy back dr was rather freaked out as symptoms pointed to a strep infection in my spine, with a 1/4 morbidity... so he would have to tell his oldest friend that perhaps we shouldn't be renewing our admiral multicar insurance policy shock. itwas rather a roller coaster 24 hrs....
LUCKILY MRI shows I don't, so I am counting myself lucky to be in pain, rather than shuffling off my mortal coil..
Still doesn't explain why I can't move it without crying and why I sound/look as if I'm in full blown labour all the time - complete with tens machine on max all the time...
But great drugs mean I'm drifting around, mentally and physically, and with Choco's love life to entertain me, what more do I need! So really, it's almost obligatory to have something to regale us with tomorrow!

chocoreturns Wed 06-Feb-13 16:01:58

ok, I will do my best to have an entertaining love life! Clearly a LOT is riding on it!

Twunt rang the nursery and requested all backdated reports... I am cynical and a bit hmm but trying to see this as a good thing. Whether or not he maintains it he has shown himself capable of doing it, so I don't see any reason for me to spoon feed information to him any more. I will probably acknowledge it positively with him (in a 'I'm glad to hear nursery now have your details' kind of way) so that I reinforce a) I'm happy for him to be involved and b) I'm no longer taking responsibility for him being so.

Watch this space to see if anything else comes of it!

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 16:10:03

Realky, thats good news - now he has established a line of communication, however vexing that is, he can't blame you/accuse you of keeping him in the dark about anything - it is his responsibility now, not yours - a victory really - however grim it feels, x

Skyebluesapphire Wed 06-Feb-13 16:17:44

So he actually did it then, blimey.... My twunt never ever asks how DD is doing at school or anything. No interest whatsoever. I just think that it doesnt occur to him. When I told him he was selfish for going on holiday with his friends the week that DD started school, he said it was my fault because I hadnt told him when term started.

I pointed out that I had told him it was all on the website and he could find it all out for himself, just like I had to......

We should not have to run around after our X's making sure that they know everything. It is up to them to find it out for themselves!

so you are right, it is no longer your responsibility to tell him anything about the nursery, he can find out for himself.

AnyFucker Wed 06-Feb-13 16:30:44

choco, I hope you are riding on it very soon smile

Midwife99 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:31:15

Phnarr phnarr AF!!

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 16:49:44

Hahaha, snorted out loud at at that AF

Midwife99 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:52:58

Plus glad he's communicating with nursery - no need for you to tell him second hand now!

AgathaF Wed 06-Feb-13 16:59:22

Well, fancy him taking the initiate (sort of).

You know you'll be getting lots of MN good vibes coming your way for your date tonight?

bamboozled - what a scary thing. Do they think your back should improve soon?

Midwife99 Wed 06-Feb-13 17:22:47

Blimey Bamboozled!! That sounds scary!! Hope you get better soon!!

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 18:25:12

Ho hum... Was rather, especially as DH (also a dr) was being very nice to me in a kind soft voice....
My biggest fear, as I'm sure is most divorced mums with twunts as EXs, is that the fuckwit would get the kiddos if something happened to me, not lovely DH2, who adores and supports the kids...
Anyway, that's not the case, I'm still here :-) but bugger-me my back hurts and now there isn't a quick fix like a crematorium..So we wait for the full scan report and take it from there.
Utterly inspirational updates from Choco and my Eskimo.. make me realise how lucky I am to have been through this and out the other side - like Eskimo.. Everything else is small fry really!

chocoreturns Wed 06-Feb-13 18:42:10

bamboozled sorry I didn't say before you poor thing, what a horribly scary experience for you! I can't even imagine. I'm waiting to be approved for critical illness and life cover this week, so that I would have something to fall back on if I got ill and had the DC to look after. I have a dear, dear friend with a DS who is battling cancer at the moment and the thought of having to face something like that AND lose my DC due to not being prepared for the worst horrifies me.

but before I become all maudlin, I need to go get ready!! Took the kids to my mum's for tea tonight so I could sneak in her shower and de-fuzz etc lol. But now I have crazy curly wet hair, and two bathed boys roaming around with bedtime milk who need to be herded into bed. Babysitter is booked from half seven, and he's here sometime before 8... note to self, book the sitter an hour early next time so she can herd the cats children to bed and I can beautify!!

bamboozled Wed 06-Feb-13 19:11:53

Keeping fingers crossed its a great night (and I don't mean that in a smutty way) it's time YOU had a lovely time! x

MumVsKids Wed 06-Feb-13 19:38:21

Ah bugger my out of date information sad

Thanks Skye I shall stop directing folk towards it!!!!!

<idly wonders how Choco is getting on> grin

I have wine and crisps so can wait up for a good while yet!!!! smile

Skyebluesapphire Wed 06-Feb-13 20:02:43

yes, it's going to be a long night waiting for the update , lol.

<make note to self, to get a life of my own> .....

This thread is not accepting new messages.