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Should we wait until exams are over before we split?

(28 Posts)
truthtotell Sat 26-Jan-13 16:48:06

Relationship with H has reached rock bottom - no one else involved, no 'big' issues like drink or dv but his laziness and selfishness has worn away any love and respect I had for him. He feels it's all my fault for being 'cold' and 'addicted to conflict'.

We have one ds (13) and my priority is to protect him and make sure we don't make any more of a mess for him than we already have. I always assumed ds would be generally ok with us splitting as H is so useless, does so little that he might as well not be there.

Last summer I packed up all H stuff after a row where he stormed out. Ds asked what I was doing, I told him I was sick of H's behaviour and wanted to give him a wake-up call. This was the first time I had openly showed ds how bad the relationship is. He was amazingly mature about it to me, said perhaps we were both in the wrong. Later texted all his friends very distressed.

When OH came back I told him to either take his stuff and go or else unpack it and make a resolution to improve. He did neither - left his stuff in the bags, muttered something about maybe getting a flat and just carried on as before.

Anyway, ds is taking 4 gcse's this year and will be taking more in years 10 and 11. Not to mention A'levels. The last thing I want to do is screw up his education - I have suffered the relationship for so long it seems almost irrational to finish it at such a crucial time in ds's life. So should I just carry on with it at least until ds has finished his gcse's?

Charbon Sat 26-Jan-13 19:09:37

It sounds like what you're saying is that he has given up and that whereas before he would agree to faults and try to remedy them, now that doesn't happen any more.

If you think he might just 'up and go' then that is going to be far more distressing to you and your son than a planned separation where you can both control the timing and what happens next.

TheSecondComing Sat 26-Jan-13 19:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

50shadesofgreyhair Sat 26-Jan-13 19:15:27


I threw my ex out almost two years ago, and my daughters were in the middle of their GCSEs and their older brother in the middle of A levels. We had already decided to split after their exams (after 19 years of marriage) but things got so bad, and there was obviously another woman on the scene, that I couldn't take any more. To cut a very long story short, the kids were fine, in fact they had picked up on the strained and tense atmosphere in the house, and all relaxed afterwards. Having said that, things were at breaking point for me, and I think I would have had a breakdown if I hadn't thrown him out, because he was really rubbing my nose in it all.

Good luck.

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