Really sick of this now (toxic family)

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

My brother is an arsehole. My parents pander to him and let him away with everything. Theres loads of background but I wont go into it.

His car broke down because he failed to maintain it. My parents gave him their car (whole other thread) and they were getting the proceeds from the sale of the broken car. This was because he owes them an extortionate amount of money.

So my DP wanted to buy the broken car and fix it. Hes a mechanic out of work so its something to do plus we will need a car for when he gets a job. This was agreed with my parents and I told them we would have the money this tuesday past. They knew for two weeks about this.

Tuesday comes and we go round with the money. Cue lots of head scratching and wandering around the house looking for the key.

My mum thought it might still be on brothers key ring. Dad is sure he saw it in the house. But brother is away on holiday and wont answer his phone (he never answers to my parents, treats them like shit) so we go home with no key.

Brother got back today. Text mum to ask did she sort key at 6pm. No, hasnt heard from brother.

Its becoming pretty obvious that he has no intention of handing over the key and they are just lettimg him get away with it. Im sick of being treated like shit and expected to accept it.

Should I just ask for the money back and tell them to forget about it even though DP really wants the car now and has organised gstting it fixed?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

If I ask for the money back there will be a huge row. We handed over the money before we realised there was no key. I dont think they are pulling a fast one, more that my brother is being an awkward cunt again and they wont just tell him to wise up.

If it was the other way round it wouldnt even have got until now

I know I have to disengage, I went half of last year with no contact, but sure thats just another stick to beat me with as ofcourse its all in my head.

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

Let there be a row, ask for your money back. It's better than sitting growing more and more resentful that you're x amount of money out of pocket and your brother had got away with it again.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Yeah. I will be asking for it back today.

Think the resentment is already too much though. Depending on what my mum says it could be finished with the lot of them. :(

[Walkacrossthesand]

There should be no row. I imagine thier stance is 'but of course you'll get the key when DB feels like giving it to you. Time for a deadline maybe? Eg no key this weekend = money back so you can go and buy another car - DP needs one for his job. Perfectly reasonable. Make the problem (of getting key out of (D)B) theirs again - at the moment it's your problem and that ain't fair.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

I think it's an argument you need to have then- you have got to ask for the money back

[Anniegetyourgun]

Wait, no, look, you gave them money to buy something which they now aren't selling. If this was anyone in the world other than your parents that would be fraud, or possibly theft? You handed them the money, they didn't hand you the goods. On what planet do they have the moral high ground here? Get that money because it is YOUR money, which you need because you have a family to keep, and then no contact with the lot of 'em sounds perfectly justifiable after that.

[Cantbelieveitsnotbutter]

Ask for the key, assuming its an imobiliser key they are bloody expensive (as your dh knows). Let alone if you have to get a new set. So either knock it off the cost or have your money back.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

There should be no row, you are right. But if my mum was a rational woman then I dont think we would be in this position!

I asked her again for the key, brother got in late last night and is still sleeping so she will text me later. Seriously fucked off now.

DP and I have agreed, no key by monday I will be getting the money back.

[FarrahFawcettsFlick]

I think if you leave it till Monday it just gives them another 5 days of excuses, "sorry DB in work, can't get key till..."

[Hissy]

Get the money back, until you get the key.

It's logical! Fuck em if they wanna row, call the police, let the row expode if you have to!
What's the worst that'll happen, that you'll discover your DB is a wanker and your parents support him in that?

Seriously, what have you got to lose! Your OH is out of work, that's your family money, and you need it back NOW!

Go on, go get it! We'll be waiting for you when you're back here! (((hug)))

[Hissy]

Go round there NOW!

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Sorry I have been sleeping, baby was up all night.

I text my mum about something completely unrelated and she hasnt replied. What a surprise!

Its DD1s birthday next sat and I dont want to fall out with them before that which is why Im reluctant to say anything. DD will be devastated if they dont come to her party.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Snippy text from mum saying key is there. Only after I text saying monday was the deadline and he was taking the piss.

Dont know why shes snippy with me. Im not the child that tramps all over her.

[DeckSwabber]

If she's like my family she's snippy with you because while she knows you are right, you are not playing 'the game' which is to pretend that her is son has done nothing.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

What Deckswabber wrote.

I'd get the key from her tomorrow.

If you keep engaging in such they will continue to drag you back in; you need to completely disengage from your enabling dysfunctional parents.

How old is your DD btw; it will do her ultimately no favours at all to have such frankly rubbish grandparents in her life. She can all too clearly see how you as her mother is treated by them.

I would also take a look at the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages.