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I am absolutely and utterly arse achingly lonely(66 Posts)
That's it in a nutshell.
I've been by myself with three children for three years now. I feel utterly incapable of happiness. I don't know how to feel normal and despite being by myself I still can't quite get my head around the whole situation.
My ex has a whole new life and girlfriend, social life etc and I am just here and so so lonely and sad.
I need a kick or something but I don't know whet up do first.
OP it sounds hellish and you sound at the end of your tether. Are all three DCs at school? Would you be able to look for a different job that gets you out of the house?
It sounds like you need a break and some time to make a social life. When does DH look after the DCs?
Can you get respite care for DD? It should be available in your area.
Well done on reaching out, at least on here. You are awesome, never forget that.
Your ex is talking bollocks and cannot possibly do anything like he claims. He wouldnt even get to court, im sure. It's him feeling guilty, or just dishing out abusive crap, ignore ignore ignore. Get as much professional help for your dd, and you, as you can. Keep fighting until you get what you deserve. Never ever think your kids are better without you, they need you and love you.
And for you, you mention family, will they help? Do they know you are finding it hard? Reach out. Tell us where you are if you can, maybe someone is nearby. Or just keep talking here.
If there is a way to get to exercise class it is a good alternative (endorphin fix) to anti depressants... and the social contact obviously good for you.
Hi ladies so sorry I didn't check back in I fell asleep I'm exhausted! I'm overwhelmed by the amazing support thank you so much,
In respect of my friends I've really come to realise that actually I haven't got that many real friends maybe just one or two! One of them lives a long distance from me now but I do call get and we talk and she is very supportive.
I am very mindful of boring people as it has been such a long time, my family can be a bit dismissive of the situation now.
For example at Christmas I went to my sisters and my youngest was very whingy all day. I was very mindful of it. We left early and I was home by 6pm. After I put the kids to bed I sat by myself and cried for a solid hour then just went to bed. When I spoke to my family I said I thought she was just a bit overwhelmed by it all, they just kept going on and on by how much she could whinge and I needed to stop treating her like a baby, this Is my dd without sn by the way.
My ex has two of the children every other weekend including dd.The eldest is from a previous relationship so stays with me. His father is not involved at all. That's another reason that I feel like a let down because I have 3 by 2 and am by myself.
I really am thankful for your advice and help, flump pls pm me i don't like to give away to many personal details but SW is easy for me.
Sweety, you really have so much on your plate. You do need to tell your Ex to FUCK OFF and let you handle your DC appropriately.
If the Dr thinks medication might work, it's worth a try. If you were taken to court, the Judge would see that you ARE doing the best for them and that to leave a condition/issue untreated is more neglectful than supposedly 'drugging' your DD. I know nothing about additional needs, but I believe that if something can be tried to help, then for the sake of the child and the family it has to be worth a shot.
SHe does sound as if she could do with any help to balance things out, and that is YOUR call.
Your twunt of an Ex lost some ability to run your lives when he walked out.
You really ARE doing so well, and life WILL get better. Detach from the Ex and take charge of your life. You have every right to live better, and I do think that it's totally within your reach.
Hi again! Glad you had a good sleep.
You are not a whinger, and not a failure. You are not in an easy situation. Do you ever get a totally child free weekend? Could family take your oldest sometimes?
I second the suggestion of physical exercise. Could you also do some physical activities with your children? Put on some music and have a good dance round the living room? Go out for a walk and have a race with them? Play fight? Take them swimming or or cycling? Help them build a den? I say these things not as any kind of fix for your situation as it obviously doesn't address the loneliness or the deeper problems you face around your daughter and your ex, but it seems to me that you could do with an injection of fun in your family life, even if only for 10 minutes a day.
Also, give yourself permission to feel the way you do - ignore your family's bracing talk - if you need a good cry, let yourself - and then tell yourself something supportive or soothing as if talking to a friend. Be a friend to yourself. Don't use the fact that you're struggling as a stick to beat yourself with.
Does your ex think anyone can get a diagnosis for any old child just like that? So he knows better than you her primary cater and the medical professionals who diagnosed her? What a twat! I'd love to see him in court saying that and justifying why your DD has been denied treatment for a medical condition.
You sound exhausted. But you have to stand up to your ex about this issue for the good of your whole family. It makes me wonder how else he's still bringing you down.
Have you been on the SN board here?
I don't mean to be stealth but don't want to give away too much personal info. I paid to go privately so he says I have basically paid to get a diagnosis. I was completely transparent with consultant and have said that she behaves for him but not me.
Your DD behaves for him, because she is scared of him.
Plain and simple. She's more relaxed with you. It's kind of a good thing, although I bet it feels far from that mostly.
Ignore your ex. Do what's best for your child. You can do this.
It is quite possible that they are calmer with Dad because he is less exhausted than you. You mention that you snap at them, that's a symptom of being tired and not coping - that's not your fault, it just means you need a break. Let yourself snap but say sorry, keep communication open and DO use Dad to give you a break. He does seem to care because he is trying to tell you how to do things 'properly' and although it is arrogant and unhelpful it means he hasn't walked away quite yet.
Would it help you or hinder you if he did more of the childcare?
Your Christmas sounds like a nightmare and your parents are doing the classic 'blame the mother' thing. Mine did the same, I was spoiling them, ignoring them, whatever. It took a long time before they realised that a child with SEN has different needs and that it takes a while, even for the mother, to learn how to meet those needs.
I think you should get a blood test to see if you are anemic or have a thyroid problem, could be lacking in vitamin b or d possibly. I am on my own with one small child with ASD and thought I was not coping until my GP did some tests. I am doing sooooo much better now it's mostly sorted
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're nowhere near me or I'd take you for a coffee and chat/support.
You are doing so so much better than I ever could in very difficult circumstances. I don't blame you for any of it and truly think you're amazing.
Take care and I hope things work out for you soon x
Do you have ant SEN support groups in your area? I know there is a ASD support group near us and they do get together involving the kids and I think also without kids. Then you would have understanding companions.
My DS has a SEN, fairly well managed now, but I have been there and understand how awful it is to feel the judgement from parents who don't know or understand the full story.
I hope you can find a support group close by.
OP you are doing a brilliant job, listen nobody is perfect and everyone has their bad days keep thinking positive thoughts and keep coming to this site for support. We are all mothers here and all have hellish days with our kids but we love them and would do anything for them. Please dont be so down on yourself we can only do our best! Hugs and nice glass of wine to ensure you have good nights rest
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