I'm serially unfaithful - but only in my dreams! Is this normal?

[Dreamerstate]

First of all, I should say that DP and I have been together for almost two years, are incredibly happy together and that includes a fantastic sex life. I have never been unfaithful to him - wouldn't even be tempted - he is everything I need in a partner and I envisage our future together. I know he feels the same.

Which is why I can't get my head round that for the past three nights in my dreams (not daydreams, actual sleeping dreams) I have had extremely vivid emotional and sexual affairs with other men?! Two of them were imaginary men, both arrogant and flash with their cash (exactly the kind of men who turn me off in RL) and the third was someone I do know in RL and who is a complete alcoholic fuckup, yet in the dream he was sensitive and passionate and I was falling in love with him!!

I know I don't have any control over these dreams and I really don't think there's any underlying psychological reason why I'm having them, but as mad as it sounds I can't help feeling a bit guilty, like it's a betrayal of DP! Does anyone else in a happy relationship have these kind of dreams? Please tell me I'm not alone here?!

[MidnightMasquerader]

Any chance you're pregnant...?

If not, it honestly doesn't mean anything. Dreams are dreams. I shagged Tony Soprano once. Believe me, he's really not my type.

[Dreamerstate]

I only had my period last week, so no chance I'm pregnant.

I shagged Johnny Vegas in one dream too - my subconscious really doesn't have good taste in men, does it?

[AngelWreakinHavoc]

They are just dreams. I had sex with Alice Cooper (make up and all) in my dream last night he was an absolute gentleman . He played the guitar to me and sang me sweet songs. Very bizarre dream!

[Dreamerstate]

Oh yeah, and Henry VIII!

[MidnightMasquerader]

Johnny Vegas.

Tony Soprano was surprising good, actually....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Dreams are just emotions rattling around in your head at night with nowhere to go. The pictures are only there to give the emotion some context because we are visual creatures and need both to make sense of things. So the emotions in your case are falling in love, passion, sensitivity, excitment, sexual thrills .... all good so far... and the men themselves are really just incidental. Random photo-fits from your archives.

[Dreamerstate]

Johnny Vegas was awful - just lay there and expected me to do all the work! Very disapointing...

[Unlurked]

I had dream sex with the guy from that film Knocked Up. He's pretty much the polar opposite of my lovely dh. At least it wasn't Jonny Vegas though!

[Dreamerstate]

Although Johnny Vegas dream was before I met DP...

[Dreamerstate]

Ok, I now realise I should take it with a pinch of salt.

Cogito- your post was especially insightful, thanks. The other comments about inappropriate celebrity lovers made me laugh- anyone else out there had a bizarre dream along those lines?

[bearwithbearwithbearwith]

I read somewhere once that it was a good thing if you dreamt of infidelity because you were 'getting it out of your system / subconscious' and therefore were less likely to do it in real life. So I would say it is a good thing.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

I've often got the horn for other people in RL not just in dreams. I wouldn't ever do anything about it but I accept that's just me.

[jenny99]

This post has made me laugh....firstly because I have a huge crush on a very famous rock star (can't say who it I will be recognisable in RL!) and have had many dreams about being in bed with him but I always wake up after we've only been kissing...never gets any further! Dammit! Oh, and he is a great kisser in my dreams...

But a couple of years ago I dreamt about a husband of a friend. I woke up with a crush on him and couldn't get it out my head for 6 months. I really started to fancy him in RL. It wasnt good news!!!

Following on a few months after that I then started an EA which led to an actual affair so perhaps all these dreams mean something else actually? Any insights welcomed please.

Happy dreaming :)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Isolate the emotion in your dream jenny99 and that's the answer. When you dreamt about the friend's DH was the principle emotion .... happiness? guilt? excitement? impulsiveness? furtiveness? regret? .... because chances are that's what you were feeling in real life. In the OP's case where they describe real life as 'incredibly happy' and 'fantastic sex-life'... they wove a narrative round those feelings with random men who are actually just exaggerated versions of her DP, of course.

In your case if you were yearning IRL for affection and excitement and it was absent from your life, that's the narrative you created. You also attached a random man to the feeling... the friend's DH... to represent 'A.N Other', a placeholder, who you subsequently went on to find for real.

[jenny99]

Thank you. That makes such complete sense. It also really helps me because DH and me are trying to work on rebuilding our marriage and I am trying to accept that for me OM wasn't just all about him but was what he represented to me. Excitement. That's why what you say is so interesting.

Sorry OP for the little hijack...

[JustinBoobie]

it happens to me all the time; I love it!!

Sometimes it's DH, more often or not it's people I know in RL. Sometimes, it makes me 'see' the person differently for a bit - because of the way they make me feel in the dream. It's SO vivid and amazing and I feel embarrassed more often than not! In sleep, I am a MINX and that's where it remains - I have no actual real physical feelings or desire for anyone other than DH.

Night before last, it was our lovely new young man at work, he's a strapping, very beautiful man. He was utterly amazing, and completely into me... I'm over it already, coz it was a dream init. He's not like that (into me) in RL and if he was - I would RUN FOR THE HILLS.

[BangOn]

I had a v dirty dream about an older man i sometimes work with. In RL he's very charming but i hadn't really thought about him in that way until my dream. In terms of the emotion in my dream... It felt exciting, & also something of a release... I was like, "come on x, you know you want it". God, I'd never say that in RL, but in my dream he just sort of aqcuiesced. Can't look him in the eye now, of course

[Dreamerstate]

Now here's the weird thing...DP is out for a belated Christmas work do tonight, so I log onto facebook, and who messages me completely out the blue? "Alcoholic fuckup" man, whom I had the erotic dream about last night!!!

Not only did he give me his mobile number and ask whether I fancied coming down the pub tonight, but he signed off with a wink and kisses! I politely told him that the icy roads were atrocious and it was impossible for me to leave house...but how weird and random? It's almost as though I've invoked him through my dream?!!!

Thinking about it, I also saw Johnny Vegas in the train station not long after I had the sex dream about him...I really hope that Henry VIII doesn't come knocking on my door next

[soontobeburns]

I had a sex dream the other night where Julian Simmons (utv presenter) gave me oral sex..and it was good.

Seriously why him of all people? --and not Ian Somerholder)

[Dreamerstate]

Soontobeburns - Just had to google Julian Simmons - yes, I would be wondering "why him" as well! Ew...

[Somethingtothinkabout]

Julian Simmons, jeez! Now that's a memory from home I don't need

I have these dreams too (not JS though, phew). Sometimes it's DP, sometimes it's someone from work, sometimes people from my past/school/uni etc. occasionally it's an ex, and then I feel horribly guilty , but having read Cogito's explanation I feel much better!

[Thistledew]

I'm jealous! I quite often have erotic dreams about either gorgeous made up men, or completely random men I know but don't fancy at all- but somehow I always remember in my dream that I am with DP and I feel guilty so stop things in their tracks before anything gets too steamy. Which leaves me waking up feeling all frustrated and disappointed.

I even spoke to DP about it and he gave me 'permission' to have rampant sex with as many men as I like in my dreams, but I still can't help being faithful to him even in my unconscious mind! Not fair!

I also recently had a raunchy dream (nothing more than kissing and flirting of course) with a work colleague who I hadn't seen for nearly a year. Just one week later I was in the pub with my colleagues, and guess who walks in?! It even ended up that we were the last two to finish our drinks and leave, and I had to force myself to make conversation with him without letting on that I was feeling as awkward as I would towards someone that I bumped into after having a ONS!

[mercury7]

I dont think there is a definitive and universal agreed on theory concerning the meaning or significance of dreams, but I think sexual content is pretty common!