Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Ex refusing mediation and pressuring me into signing a consent order I'm not happy with(27 Posts)
My ex-p has booked a court date to sort out contact with DS who has just turned 2. This is despite me saying I want to go to mediation several times - a suggestion his solicitor continually ignores.
I wrote to his solicitor (who is his girlfriend's mum - his girlfriend is the woman he left me for and now he lives with her and her 3 teenage kids). I copied in the court and said as I've said before I would like to go to mediation and would like you to adjourn the court date until we have done this.
At present he sees our son once a week at a soft play. His solicitor has said as I am verbally abusive to her client I cannot talk to him etc etc. in fact that's completely untrue. He was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive for the last three years of our relationship but he has told a pack of lies and is sticking with them - I think he has convinced himself his lies are the truth.
However, when he has contact with our son, he always asks me to come and pick him up half an hour early so we can have a coffee together and talk about things. He also phones me about once a week but always wen he is at work. So basically he's telling his solicitor he can't speak to me and I'm horrible, but when he speaks to me he says he's sorry, he doesn't want to go to court, I'm a great mum blah blah blah. His solicitor and his girlfriend don't know we speak and are getting on ok and communicating about DS.
Today he told me his solicitor has replied to my letter but he doesn't want to go to mediation. He has put a suggestion of contact arrangements on the letter and wants me to just say yes to them and then we can get it stamped by the court. He says mediation is a waste of time and money.
However, we have discussed him having DS one day a week when I'm at work plus every other Saturday. But in the letter apparently his solicitor has said we have to meet in a public place so we don't argue. I pointed out this was impractical at 7am which is when he would be picking DS up. He said, I know, and in reality of course I will just come to the house and get him. But I can't tell my solicitor that (presumably because her and her daughter wouldn't be happy about it) so you need to sign to say you agree with this and then we'll do our own thing anyway.
I said I wouldn't do that - I'm not signing and agreeing to something we has both agreed is not practical. At that he suddenly got really angry (up until this point it was a really civil conversation) and said 'well then we'll go to fucking court. You're always the same, nothing's ever simple, this is why I left'. Then he got in his car and drove off. Then half an hour later he rang me to say sorry, I just got angry, I didnt mean it. We can sort this out.
The mood swings happen a lot - I've learnt to be careful what I say and how I say things. If he turns up half an hour late for contact I don't say anything as he would go mad and say I don't understand how busy his life is, fuck off, you're always moaning etc etc.
Anyway, now I don't know what to do. I really wanted to go to mediation so we could discuss things in a controlled environment so I wouldn't be nervous about broaching sensitive subjects or saying something that night make him angry.
Am I right to say I won't sign something if its not really what we are going to do?
Unless you have a court order for the visits you need to work, it seems likely that he will chose to not turn up when it suits him so that your work will suffer. However, given that he is so abusive, a few hours a week in a public place does sound a lot safer for your son. Do you really trust him to have him all day and overnight? From how you describe him, I certainly would not.
Apparently there is no rule against her representing him even though to me it seems completely wrong.
She is a partner in a firm of solicitors specialising in family law. And no we were not married - just living together.
I signed the consent order as it was amended. The legal advice I've been given is that a judge will probably take a 'lets give it a try' attitude. The consent order outlines that he will have him for a day a week while I am at work, then every other Saturday from 10 until 4. It's for a 3 month trial period and then we go to court in 3 months to decide further contact.
He is aggressive and abusive towards me - in front of our son. HHowever, he has never ever been anything but lovely when with our son if I'm honest - therefore contact without me there should run smoothly - if he turns up! What does concern me is if he introduces him to the OW, they may row in front of DS which is unacceptable.
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.