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Red flag or grossly insensitive or what!!!

(215 Posts)
Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 16:34:33

Just spent the night with new man, first night, this morning he said you know you are pretty now but you would be amazing if you lost some weight?

I was dumbstruck, he then said so you gonna lose some weight then

I'm a 14

Very upset I will be honest

BerylStreep Sun 03-Feb-13 10:42:55

Flabber has he made you see the error of your ways yet?

What about that list of defects, are you working on some self-improvement?


Globular Sat 26-Jan-13 14:22:05

echt grin

JumpingJackSprat Sat 26-Jan-13 14:15:39

this sounds like the sort of thing my ex would come out with, and did come back with similar comments when i dumped him. except the opposite re weightloss, mine was a feeder- deliberately over ordering then encouraging me to eat it out of guilt that he had paid for it, derailing my weight loss efforts, used to give me lists of my faults and if i disagreed with him he would sulk for months sometimes. i wish i knew then what i know now and i wouldnt have wasted 3.5 years with the fuckwit. you have had a very lucky escape. i dumped him by text too as by the end i couldnt bring myself to speak to him as he made my flesh crawl. when i ended it he was in the middle of a sulk after he tried to leave me in a foreign country and fly home early so me dumping him a few weeks later was a shock to the system! grin took me a while to get rid of him i wish id just ignored ignored ignored.

nickelbabe Sat 26-Jan-13 11:28:38

second Astelia 's wise comment:

Just thought of one other thing- if anyone else has keys to your place make sure they know to not let him in, however persuasive he seems

Kundry Sat 26-Jan-13 11:25:32

OMG you have dodged a bullet there!

Congrats to you for getting rid so early as he is now showing his true colours.

echt Sat 26-Jan-13 07:23:38

I was about to say he sounded like an arsehole, but then that would be to dignify him, as an arsehole is useful.

While no contact is probably the best response, it's a pity you couldn't have told him that, after extensive research, you've decided he'd best keep his cock for pissing with.

Just saying. grin

springyhope Sat 26-Jan-13 02:48:40

Hes already told me he will look after me and he is good at fixing people


He sounds vile. Thank goodness he has shown his colours early on so you can get out quickly.

Patted you on the bottom?? What, like a prize mare he's going to train up?? Truly gross. Shame you didn't bite a chunk out of his bottom-patting hand.

DonderandBlitzen Sat 26-Jan-13 00:17:35

Has he gone quiet now OP? I hope you won't hear any more from him. I wonder if he realises it was the losing weight comments that were the final straw.

BerylStreep Fri 25-Jan-13 15:27:03

Any chance of seeing what he wrote in the texts?

<nosey> <hopeful>

DeafLeopard Fri 25-Jan-13 14:42:14

Well done on dumping him OP, he's a nasty piece of work

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 25-Jan-13 14:29:57

"Right Woman" there is no right woman for this arsehole, i bet hes the kind of man who will tell women the same old line, "Woman just dump me, no idea what i've done wrong".

Astelia Fri 25-Jan-13 14:24:01

Just thought of one other thing- if anyone else has keys to your place make sure they know to not let him in, however persuasive he seems.

Keep yourself safe from this creep OP and don't hesitate to contact the police if he persists.

dequoisagitil Fri 25-Jan-13 12:11:11

Well done on dumping this guy. Ugh.

Listen to SGB. Be prepared to go to the authorities if he keeps bothering you, do not meet him under any circumstances.

BattlingFanjos Fri 25-Jan-13 12:10:50

Thank god he never met the 'right woman' major lucky escape Flabber also agree with the poster who said bet you're gorgeous! Well done for getting rid grin

PeppermintPasty Fri 25-Jan-13 12:00:28

I agree with SGB about the dangerous bit. You were without doubt a project, I am so so relieved for you that you got away this early, but you'll have to put your foot down or he could go on and on. People like this live in a little bubble of their own arrogance, without much of a footing in the real world.

Report the twat to the police if he carries on.


SolidGoldBrass Fri 25-Jan-13 11:35:53

You really do need to be firm with this man, he does sound potentially dangerous. As I said, he's very llikely to have previous form for abusing women. So send him one more message telling him not to contact you again, and if he tries to do so, give the police a ring on the non-emergency number and tell them what's happened - that you briefly dated him, ended the relationship and that he is harassing you. They will go and have a word with him and if that doesn't make him back off he wil be prosecuted. He has no rights at all to any kind of contact with you and he can be made to leave you alone.

BerylStreep Fri 25-Jan-13 11:15:37

He listed your defects?
And told you to reflect!

I think you have had a lucky escape. I agree though with the others who say he will not take this lying down. If he continues, tell him (by text) you will report to the police. Don't meet up with him - there is nothing to discuss.

And don't feel awful about your weight. I would truly love to be a size 14. But then my DH says I have podgkins disease. hmm

pictish Fri 25-Jan-13 10:52:15

newpatches - I am so sorry you went through that. How utterly dreadful. I am very glad that things are good for you now. You deserve it. xxxxx

EuphemiaLennox Fri 25-Jan-13 10:51:03

Ah Flabber, what a truly horrible experience you've had.

You must try to ensure that you view this in your head as a very lucky escape, and one whic you've done brilliantly to extracate yourself from this early.

Try to feel strong and embolden by the way you've taken control now and are refusing to engage with this creep. He is attemting to rengage you as otherwise he can have to control over you, don't give him inch.

His behaviour is vile, and not acceptable by anyone's standards. This combined with the fact his not had long term relationships suggest that he does not conduct himself within the normal parameters of intimate relationships and therefore makes him potentially dangerous, and you may find he descends to even deeper levels of nastiness and shows a odd level of persistence as he can not judge when this should be dropped.

I hope that's not the case, but I think you should prepare a strategy for maintaining non engagement as it may become difficult. I think telling him immediately that you wish no further contact and will regard any continued contact as harassment is an important step.

pictish Fri 25-Jan-13 10:50:35

He is quite likely to be coldly furious right now OP. Be very wary of him. Do not agree to a meet up for any reason. He might use having your stuff as a reason to meet up, under the pretence of giving it back...or he may pathetically appeal to you for a proper hearing as no doubt he will consider that you are being unfair to him not to let him talk you round discuss this in person.

Here's the thing - you have no obligation to him whatsoever. That's the reality of it. He's new to your life, and he does not suit, and that's all the reason and contact he is entitled to. Finito.

NewPatchesForOld Fri 25-Jan-13 10:39:52

snoopdog...that's hilarious, it will drive him nutty wondering how she has the nerve to do that. grin

Flabber thanks, but I only met my lovely DP after taking 2 years out from dating so I could get my head straight and not fall into the same abusive trap over and over again.


snoopdogg Fri 25-Jan-13 10:36:41

Just think what an enormously big dent you've put in his ego by dumping him straight after your first shag........

Flabber Fri 25-Jan-13 10:31:26

New Patches I'm sorry, glad you have a nice partner now, thats horrid. x

Flabber Fri 25-Jan-13 10:30:03

No don't ever have to see him again, he has some things of mine but he can keep them.

NewPatchesForOld Fri 25-Jan-13 10:29:49

Flabber, unfortunately least not over that. he couldn't get on with my oldest daughter so I had to end it, but not until he had ground me right down. It was a nightmare being with him, he was mnoody, sulky, and very domineering. In fact (and sooooo tmi here) after we'd had sex he used to nod at me in the direction of and tell me to clean it (with my mouth). This was in a completely non sexual was degrading and disgusting. but then this was the same man who used to spit in my mouth during sex. Degrading, debasing and humiliating. Run for the hills!

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