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So sad that the man I had two beautiful babies with wasn't the love of my life

(13 Posts)
mammadiggingdeep Thu 24-Jan-13 20:13:09

Oh muddyboots sad((( sending you such a big hug xxx

I hope you and your bubba have people to love and look after you. What a nasty piece of work.

muddyboots Thu 24-Jan-13 20:06:50

I'm the same. Had to turn OBEM off the other week as couldn't stop crying.

I have a 14 week old baby and have recently found out that during my labour my DH was messaging a secret on-line friend. Once we got home (2 hours later) he drank himself into oblivion and I took myself off to bed with newborn.

7 days later he joined

We will be separating!

I don't have any words of wisdom other than enjoy your precious children and spare yourself the ordeal of watching such emotional TV whilst you are still so raw. Take care.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 24-Jan-13 20:06:00

Hmm. This just seems kind of alien to me. My DS is the result of a drunken shag with an old drinking mate (who is now an excellent and very involved father; we have a functional family, just one that does not feature a couple-relationship). When I gave birth, I had my mum and my best mate with me. The midwives said later that the two of them had been 'one of the best support systems we've had in a while'. I don't think I'd have liked to have to worry about stroking some man's ego or thinking about couple-relationships while I was giving birth.

UnbridledPositivity Thu 24-Jan-13 19:58:21

TOTALLY know what you mean. I used to love watching it, but at the moment it's just too depressing. Everything was so magical when I was pregnant (in retrospect possibly even the Hyperemesis), and it's unbelievable how my ex could lead a double life and not want to savour every moment.

SirSugar Thu 24-Jan-13 19:55:01

I've often thought how wonderful it would have been when we had our lovely DD if my H had been loving instead of shouting at me that if I didn't learn to look after her properly, he would send her away and I'd never see her again - She was six days old

chocoreturns Thu 24-Jan-13 19:45:54

I don't think you do. I think it's normal to grieve for a relationship that hasn't worked out, I know I do. I don't want the twunt back either, and my two DC are the loves of my life, of course grin but I'm still sad that their dad isn't the father they deserve.

I accept he is who he is, and I chose to have children with him. I was naive, and hopeful, and romantic maybe, to think he would be the kind of guy you talk about, and I thought I was 'choosing' someone like that to be my life partner. But people are complicated, and you don't always get to see the twunt hiding below the surface before the kids come along. So yes, I was all of that, and more, but no - not spoilt. Give yourself a break, it's hard to move on x

debtherat Thu 24-Jan-13 19:43:29

So agree with this - children become the loves of your life and it is hard on a relationship.

I too love this programme - always cry when the babies are born - and you are right when the father is distancing himself/or has distanced himself you just wonder how such joy and wonder can end in such distance.

Shybairns Thu 24-Jan-13 19:30:09

Guess maybe I sound spoilt.

mammadiggingdeep Thu 24-Jan-13 18:08:53

You have your beautiful babies....they're the loves of your life. Men come and go. I agree that just because the couples look loved up on OBEM doesn't mean their relationships will always be like that. I think babies really change a relationship- mine is almost unrecognizable from the one pre-children.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 24-Jan-13 17:00:45

Tch, the 'love of one's live' is overrated anyway. If you've got lovely DC and their father is not a total arse (whether you are in a cople=-relationship with him or not), then that's good enough for a happy life.

izzyizin Thu 24-Jan-13 16:53:41

Presumably you thought he was the love of your life when you conceived 2 dc by him... or have I missed something here?

LengLogs Thu 24-Jan-13 16:34:09

I know what you mean but my ex DP was just as proud and emotional as the fathers on OBEM, he was brilliant with me throughout labour and just after. Then he became a bit of a twat tbh.

Bet some of those parents on there have crap relationships behind closed doors.

Shybairns Thu 24-Jan-13 16:29:33

Watching last nights episode of One Born every minute. It always makes me bawl. But especially when the Dads are so tenderly in love with there partners and just so honoured to become a Dad.

I'm mid divorce. Just get sad at times. Wouldn't have stayed with exh and wouldn't ever want him back.

Just sad.

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