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Could really do with some opinions on this please

(52 Posts)
fedthefup Wed 23-Jan-13 22:40:17

I've been with DP for 18 months and we've had some major ups and downs but recently things have been great relationship wise.

He has been staying with me since Christmas as the flat he was staying in rent free for a friend is being renovated. My house has sold, awaiting exchange in the next couple of weeks so I am looking at renting. I earn a below average wage and will be eligible for some housing benefit and tax credits for myself and my son.

Anyway.. natural progression would be to rent a house together and there is nothing I would want more right now, but he has children with his ex wife, they split 2 years ago and she will not allow him to see the children by himself and certainly not with another partner (she is very protective over them). He went to court for a contact order but missed a court date and it was thrown out, we have the papers here again filled out but he says he is not in the right frame of mind to go through court at the moment and I should wait until he is ready.

He has had his Decree Nisi but now has to fill out Form E for the financial settlement. Since they split he has given her the whole amount of his drawings (quite substantial) from his family business (which is failing) and relied on his savings and extra work to live on, the money he has is not enough to live on and when looking at Form E and CSA calculations I told him he is presently paying 4 times what is reasonable and no judge would expect him to pay that much.

I asked what he would do if he was ordered to pay less and he said he wouldn't, he would find the money somewhere! It honestly is a ridiculous amount and he is not well off at all, the business is haemoraging money and is close to bankruptcy. He also maintains the 'disney dad' role and runs out and gets the children whatever they ask for.

Sorry for the long post, I guess the point of it is that I cant really see a future if he is not prepared to be sensible about what he can afford to pay, I would be happy to share a frugal life together so that he can support his children (which I fully commend) but I can't support him whilst he gives them everything - his ex has said she will not claim the benefits she is entitled to and if he doesn't give her this amount she will stop him seeing the children.

I want a future with this man but although he says he loves me I just can't see a way past this sad

SparkleSoiree Sat 26-Jan-13 01:28:33

Good luck OP, it sounds like you have gained a new perspective. smile

Bogeyface Sat 26-Jan-13 02:10:04

You booking him in for a vasectomy when you had only been together a few weeks pretty much sums him up hmm

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