Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH being controlling or am I over reacting?

(117 Posts)
Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:08:19

DH is going away to his mums for the weekend on Friday.
He is taking DD too and I am clear to stay here and have some time to myself (nice!)
HOWEVER. I just said to him I'd most likely go out with my friend sat as it was her birthday this week, and I'd probably take my 'spends' money out for that.

DH thinks I should wait and not spend it this weekend, and if I over spent he Would Not be bailing me out and not to drink too much as its so expensive.

I had up til this point been under the impression that we had equal rights to the money and that I was in fact an adult that could budget already!!

Gah! So annoyed, AIBU?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 21:40:35

itinerary of course. I was angry on your behalf there!

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:42:18

I'm so annoyed because I've never seen anything like this coming.

Just thought convo was going to go
Me I'm going out sat
Him have fun (like he usually does)

Bizarre and wondered if this is how these things start?
May have spent too much time MN but its good to be informed?!

AnyFucker Wed 23-Jan-13 21:43:59

People with a guilty conscience can suddenly start seeing potential problems in something their partner is doing.

It's called projection

Any more changes in his behaviour recently ?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 21:45:15

Not sure how things start op to be honest and spending time on MN if in a happy uncontolling relationship is a plus not a minus.

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:45:17

Not that I have noticed, Hhmm, thanks AF may well keep eyes peeled and in the meantime have extra cocktails this weekend!

AnyFucker Wed 23-Jan-13 21:47:17

Good. Whatever the explanation for his behaviour, I think the main thing is you do not take any notice of his attempts to tell you what to do.

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:49:30

I might pass on the tattoo tho!

<eyes up piercing website>

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 23-Jan-13 21:50:43

That's rather strange behaviour (his not yours).

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 21:53:04

If you wanted a tatoo or peircings they would be ok too.

ivykaty44 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:53:14

ewk I wouldn't want to sleep with a bossy boots, sort of dampens the passion if they start telling you how and what to do sad with your money etc.

How is your sex life?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 21:55:43

Forgive me but what on earth has her sex life got to do with this ivy? Hows yours?

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:56:57

Up til tonight absolutely fine!
I think it's jealousy that I've free time and its sinking in that he won't be here, I dot know really I'm rambling now!

Everything else is fine but this convo tonight has really
Got my back up and I'm really pissed off he's even asked so many questions about my plans for my money

It is joint money and we just don't question each others ability to budget and have trust about it!

izzyizin Wed 23-Jan-13 21:59:11

It would seem it's his dick bubble that needs piercing.

As for the tramp stamp tattoo, may I suggest I do what I do am what I am & it you can't handle it, fuck off?

Numberlock Wed 23-Jan-13 22:00:04

Christ, I feel exhausted just reading about this twat. Thank fuck I can spend my 'spends' on whatever I like without having to submit a budget proposal in advance.

What are the undertones in his voice I don't like the sound of?

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 22:02:51

The irritation when I don't know what things cost it's as if I am deliberately keeping information from him!
Just as an undertone. You know when you hear a tone in someone's voice that's not obvious? That was what I meant.
I can't work out whether he's just a knob tonight and annoye about my free time and trying to make me feel guilty, or f it's a control 'red flag'

Bogeyface Wed 23-Jan-13 22:08:32

I wonder if its more to do with the fact that since you mentioned your friends birthday he is jealous that he will be at home with the DC and you will be out living it large. You will be able to get smashed and have a lie in and he wont. So he is trying to put you off going by being a dick.


TheFallenNinja Wed 23-Jan-13 22:09:06

He doesn't have something surprise planned does he?

Bogeyface Wed 23-Jan-13 22:09:29

And I do wonder if there is something in the "accidentally falling onto another mans penis" in it too. I bet if you asked him he would say that he trusts you but doesnt trust other men.........I wonder why.....

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 22:12:23

He's a classic "I'm king of the castle" knob and you're sort of getting to know that. If this is the first instance then I'd advise you to stamp it right out right now!

tribpot Wed 23-Jan-13 22:15:17

Can't you say what you've said here, "it sounds like you're interviewing me about my weekend. Why on earth do I have to have plans set in stone?" - and see what he says?

Numberlock Wed 23-Jan-13 22:16:14

It's definitely a trust thing, masked as financial concern about the household budget. Hence him only getting funny when the night out was mentioned. I doubt he'd have been asking for a financial forecast if you'd said you were planning to use your 'spends' on a couple of home improvement projects while he's away.

How often are you at home alone when he's at his mum's?

prozacbear Wed 23-Jan-13 22:17:41

Sounds like he's jealous. In a prepubescent sort of way.

Don't ignore! Call him on it. And make it clear you'll be going on your itinerary-less night out, with an undisclosed amount of money, and you will be sure not to slip and fall onto another man once you're ridiculously drunk. Obvs.

deleted203 Wed 23-Jan-13 22:18:04

He sounds a bit of a prat - but the bit about 'If you overspent he would not be bailing you out' makes me wonder if you have a history of this? Obviously if you don't then he's being a bit of a knob. But if you regularly overspend whatever 'your' share of the leftover money is and start dipping into his I can see why he'd sound a bit tight lipped over your plans to go out with a friend.

Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 22:22:13

I think this does need nipping in the bud rather than let it drift.

He goes to his mums once every 3 months or so for a weekend.

What he done during this time hasn't been mentioned before.

I've no history of overspending.

I think I need to go and ca him on it and gauge reaction.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 23-Jan-13 22:30:54

His reaction is not important. You making a stand regardless of his ways is what counts. He will use another tact. Just tell him he's an arse and you won't be dictated to.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now