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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wine Witch Into Touch!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 23-Jan-13 17:50:25

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

Welcome to the Bus. We're a group of posters who have been on a journey to here, there and everywhere when it comes to alcohol and the abusing of it.

Some of us drink, some of us don't at all and some of us are trying to get there, really trying to just stop the cycle, break the habit and calm everything down. Some of us are desperate to not be 'that' person anymore.

One Day At A Time or ODAAT.

So what have you got to lose? Weight? Saggy, puffy eyes each morning? False friends? The risk of cancers and other fatal illnesses......... why not join us?

We have a resident MonsterCat, Wolf called Seth and Squid called Barry (best not to ask about Barry! grin)

And, if you want to see where we've been so far, the links below will show you. The first ever thread is the best by far, because the OP is just like you. And me.



obrigada Wed 13-Feb-13 16:33:35

Lemony, I absolutely love patchwork quilts, can someone who hasn't knitted in years (and wasn't particularly good at it) manage to make one of them???
Would be a great way of keeping my hands busy (and not reaching for a cigarette) wink

guggenheim Wed 13-Feb-13 17:54:15

alabaster sorry I didn't mean to sound arsey when I posted, I really did have one eye on the toddler and one eye one something I was writing.

I din't mean to imply that you or anyone else is lacking in a social life but I have a bee in my bonnet that needing to stop or reduce is not only for those who spend evenings in shop doorways downing trampagne. Plenty of women are spending evenings quietly drinking a little too much night after night.

I never drank after 9. I started when the Archers came on (saddo) and stopped by 9 every night. No change, no increase,but still much too much.

Well done on joining the bus. What would you like to cut down to?

babyjane1 Wed 13-Feb-13 18:37:45

gugg can I ask was it you who kindly offered me info on AA. I believe much if the reason I drink is perhaps loneliness, I have dh and dd's but I spend much of my day alone and feel a bit taken for granted. I have made them my life and whilst they all love they have other things going on and rightly so. I am only child and have been blessed with parents most people dream of having but i don't want to confide my problem with
Wine to them because it seems an insult to all their amazing parenting. I think going to an AA meeting might help me understand I'm not the
Only "Net curtain drinker" and maybe feel less of a failure. I hate the power wine has in my life, I've linked it to all things good and feel bereft without it, could any of you recently given up reinforce some of the positive aspects if stopping, I need a bit if hand holding here x x x

alabasterangel Wed 13-Feb-13 18:55:42

guggenheim you weren't arsey at all. Fact is its totally true and I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of it. Every 'mummy' I know on Facebook, or at the school gate, constantly refers to 'wine o'clock' and I can totally believe the press given to the stats that problems with alcohol have morphed in our generation to be far more of an issue to women. I don't think my grandma touched a drop before the day she was married, and even then only knew two drinks; London pride and Creme de menthe!!!

I do lack in social life somewhat, at least locally. My DH used to be away a great deal during the weeks (now its more sporadic) and I don't have any family locally at all, so babysitting generally is a bit of a problem for us. I work in a male orientated job, a ratio of me to 16 men (that's not as good as it sounds!) so no girlfriends at work, and ironically outside work the other two women I am good friends with are also often alone during the week, so I can be prone to being housebound.

I also try to avoid watching certain things, like bloody eastenders for a start. Every one of them seems to permanently have a glass in their hand....or is it just me?

I would ideally like to end up in a place where the nights I drink are far less than the nights I don't. And the nights I do drink I don't ever want to get to a position where I drink tons more on those nights to compensate. If that happened I would have to accept that cutting back isn't enough. I've got to get that far though, one step at a time I suppose.

I think I've made progress already. I've managed to make a bottle of wine last Sunday, Monday and Tuesday (so a glass a night, basically) whereas that would normally be 2.5 - 3 bottles. Tomorrow night I'm not drinking. My mum is coming to stay here here to cover childcare on Friday and I've told her I'll take her out in the evening, driving, to a shopping place that's open late on a thurs. I've been very open with her about cutting back drastically. She laughed a bit, then said she would do the same, and it wouldn't do her any harm. I grew up watching her have the same drinking patterns as I have now. Why does that happen? situations like that and going without a drink while doing something different don't phase me, and I don't feel apprehensive about doing it, it's just these bloody crap habits at home.

alabasterangel Wed 13-Feb-13 18:56:06

I promise my posts will not always be these long egocentric rambles!

alabasterangel Wed 13-Feb-13 19:01:25

babyjane - "I've linked it to all things good...." I'm right with you on feeling that right now. Nothing much else cuts it, because that's my 'good feeling' of choice. You are not a failure. X

Mouseface Wed 13-Feb-13 19:45:23

Hello again,

Alabaster - I'm glad no-one has offended you, that would never be our intention. I guess hugs and 'there, theres' are all well and good but when you ask someone their thoughts or for advice etc, you're best to be honest in your replies IME.

Don't get me wrong, there are hugs a plenty around here (I should know, I get loooooooooaaaaaaaaaads and they're fab) but in the cold light of day, at the end of a bottle or three, hugs aren't going to save you from killing yourself or fucking up your life. Good on you for posting, and for taking all of the replies on board. I know I didn't when I first came here........

I wasn't a problem drinker or an alcoholic, nor did I have an abusive relationship with alcohol, or use booze to control my physical pain, no sir, not this little Mouse hmm

Faire - my pain is dreadful. Not helped by Nemo who now has an upset tummy to boot. Poor, poor little chap. I have no end of sympathy for him and would take everything away from him if only I could. Why him? Always him? sad


Emin, Lemony and Baby - thank you for the hugs and kind words smile thanks xx

Obrigda - my mum is an avid quilter (even with MS and lots of other nasty illnesses) and she used to knit. Stopped doing anything for ages and then took up quilting. Go for it!! xx

Tiger - hello to you! Nice to see you posting.

JWN - we have just over 1/4 acre of land and the plans DH has for it are amazing! He knows what I love, the colours I adore and has everything strategically mapped out..... but also an area for wild, cottage, meadow type flowers to grow. We have a veg plot and fruit trees and bushes. We're very lucky. And, One Day, it will be exactly how he wants it to be, as will MY HOUSE!! grin

I must go and tend to Nemo, he's coughing every 10 seconds and losing his breath poor boy.

Might pop back later if he sleeps again.

Keep going Brave Babes, no matter where you are in your journey. xx

Ma - how are things??? xx

aliasjoey Wed 13-Feb-13 20:10:45

alabaster everyone has already given you great advice, so I will just say welcome to the Bus (or the sidecar if you're drinking!)

mouse sorry to hear you are all still feeling poorly, can't wait for spring I bet!

Doing well here, we had a bottle in the house on Monday and I didn't want it hanging around haunting me, so we drank it - yes I said WE - let my husband share it (usually I would have been so resentful of him taking any of 'my' wine!)

Still struggling with anxiety and have restarted the Prozac - dreading the side-effects. My back muscles are really sore from being all tensed up.

Hope everyone is staying strong tonight smile

Mouseface Wed 13-Feb-13 20:28:41

Well done you!! And thanks, off to take Nemo to bed, docs asap for him tomorrow, sod the receptionist and her emergency questionnaire bollocks, see him now.

Night all xxxx

ohcluttergotme Wed 13-Feb-13 20:34:44

Mouse your poor, poor little Nemo. I'm no expert but am a trained nurse & hv & seriously if you phoned me stating his cough & trouble breathing I'd be inclined to advise you to take him to A&E. Obviously you know your little boy and know him better than anyone & if this is normal for him but if you took him to hospital could they not suction out his mucous & give him some oxygen to take the stress off his little chest? I feel really worried when you describe how much he is struggling just now (but maybe that's just me as I worry A Lot!)
Been a long day today & so so cold, when does spring come (oh I forgot I'm Scottish, no such thing here grin)

I must say I'm getting a little worried with all this talk of everyone de-cluttering gringrin
Hope all brave babes warm & cozy & wishing everyone strength tonight x

determinedma Wed 13-Feb-13 20:52:20

Checking in from the sidecar. Again. alabaster you described my drinking to a T. I could have written your post. I was good for a while in January, lost 6lbs and felt good so hit the self destruct button. As you do.Back to square one.
mouse thinking of you and dearest fish boy.
My bro came round tonight and brought me some chocolates as a thank you for "being there". He's doing OK just now, but don't know if it will last

guggenheim Wed 13-Feb-13 21:53:33

Hi there,
baby I have thought of you a lot since we had that conversation. If you can face it I would advise trying aa- maybe a women's meeting? It really has made all the difference to me. You can just show up anywhere and listen. People are amazingly supportive and it's very discrete.I haven't met anyone that I know and I've spent lots of time drinking in my home town. You asked aeeeeggggges ago about how difficult it was to listen to how hard people have had it and at the time I agreed that I was struggling with that too. But I've sort of changed my mind there. I'm not sure why, perhaps because people are in recovery and talking about how they have moved on? Also the loneliness thing comes up all the time - a common theme for women. How can it not be lonely? It's no reflection on us, it's what alcohol does. Anyway lovely, you have made lots of progess recently, keep going. x

mouse sad
ma hope it was a flipping big box!
Wave to joey and clutter
alabaster good, wasn't intending to be arsey but you know how things can come across on 'tnet.

obridga I wish I was good at crafts. My MIL is an amazing quilter and I've been to a quilting show with her.Loved it.

Love the 'net curtain drinker' grin

babyjane1 Wed 13-Feb-13 22:39:51

gugg thank you for your response, silly but a name check still makes me feel a bit special, doesn't happen much in real life!!!
Went to the pictures tonight and it felt good to laugh with my friend with no thoughts of wine, like the boyfriend you adore but are trying to forget and feel grateful when you do for a wee while, I can't emphasise
Enough how important all your help is helping me, I hope that soon I can open my net curtains and let life in and live it properly without shame x x x

babyjane1 Wed 13-Feb-13 23:19:37

alabaster welcome aboard x x x

KoalaKube Thu 14-Feb-13 01:06:14

BabyJ if you live in the South West - I'd happily come along with you to a meeting for support.
Welcome alabaster come and sit with us and enjoy the ride someone will be along offering you Opal Fruits soons I bet.
Mouse I can't believe you continue to post with all that on your plate - but I understand how good it feels to be contributing to the bus. Hope all goes well with you and nemo tomorrow.

Me - well I;ve had a busyish couple of days with work but determined to make it til friday - its my longest stint yet after being off work for so long with the depression and boozession. DD2 coming home for half-term so will have a nice long weekend with her - then her friends descend for a long weekend on Thursday - those townies love coming to the country!
Anyone out there still 5:2ing? I'm finding the fasting pretty OK and I'm feeling a bit lighter - still look pregnant but the bump has dropped if you know what I mean, must mean that liver is shrinking, and I do believe my doubleish chin is receding. Size 14 dress still hanging there watching me.

Meant to have an early night tonight but only slept for 3 hours awoken by horrifying dream of me on a cruise ship, getting drunk, embarrassing myself with a couple of ex boyfriends, and getting lost - then realising that I had actually missed all the lovely bits of the cruise because I had been in the bar the whole time . ! - hence my late night internet session. Still at least I remembered it and it will help to reinforce why I am here today in RL.

Happy Valentines day to all the Babes out there and I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

Ladamequirit Thu 14-Feb-13 08:22:21

Hi all brave babes. Mouse my thoughts and wishes for you and Nemo you're so brave, I can't tell you how much I admire your strength and you still are here to support us all xxxxxx Alabaster Hi, welcome to the bus, you sound so much like me in your drinking habits, I've discovered the 5:2 which is helping, but also moved our evening meal a bit forward so that I don't manage too many glasses beforehand, and I can't drink after I've eaten, to me it's always the empty tummy sensation blush that I like. Hi BabyJane love the 'net curtain* reference, for me it would be the blue shutters - I live in France lol. Koala still doing the 5:2 - have lost 5lbs, but I must admit I'm finding the evenings pretty hard, I have to keep getting books for my kindle cos I'm going to bed sooo early to try and forget being hungry. My friend is doing 4:3 and lost 5 kilos over three weeks - hardcore - don't think I could do that!! I'm now not drinking the nights before a fast, the fast nights and the night in between (I fast mon and thurs), so that's five nights off (unheard of for me, ALWAYS a bottle a night girl). So just the weekend and that suits me fine at the mo. Good luck brave babes xxxxxxxxxxx

eminemmerdale Thu 14-Feb-13 08:25:28

Happy Valentines day all smile dd7 is already dressed in her 'morning outfit' ready for the post !! We're not sure quite what she's expecting!!
mouse I hope you managed to have a good night, and nemo is doing ok.
alabaster - oh, the annoyingness (is that a word?) of 'wine o clock' - so so irritating - it sounds like fun fun fun doesn;t it, when to me it just smacks of desperation to escape from reality - and yes, I do it too! All over my fb are my female friends getting excited about their next drinks, and that anticipation is so much better then the actual drinking I think.
Rambling a bit now - have a cold so feel a bit blerghh, but have a busy day off - I intend to begin my mega declutter, although can't do a lot with the children around.

Have a lovely sober day all. xx

jesuswhatnext Thu 14-Feb-13 10:25:46

BOING!! grin

morning you lovely babes! - just a quick one, im still off work and am doing loads of 'jobs' today as well as meeting my friend for lunch (i really enjoy this 'lady wot lunches' feeling! grin) (dont worry, am driving so no urge or danger of drinking)
this week im well into the real housewives of beverly hills sad grin if you get the chance, just watch the episodes when these women get together for a 'nice evening' dear god!! the pure destructive influence that alcohol has on these people is terrifiying to see! i could be one of those women (without the wealth, plastic surgery and 'issues' of course grin) they are nicely dressed, well spoken, they love their children, they have great homes, they 'appear' to work hmm but as soon as the drinks are poured they morph into the most horrible, screaming ugly banshees, they end up crying, shouting, wobbling wierdos - for me, its a visual reminder of why i want to stay sober, their drinking dosent look much fun at all!

jesuswhatnext Thu 14-Feb-13 10:31:12

btw - AA womens groups, ime, are actually a great place for making new friends - i have made several new friends, friendships that are growing through other shared interests which is really nice - we all share the same problem with alcohol but we have found that we have other much 'nicer' things in common too smile we are able to meet for dinner, cinema, coffee, etc and just chat about normal everyday stuff - great support when you are feeling lonely/low!

jango36 Thu 14-Feb-13 11:27:31

Hi to all the babes smile not been on board for a few weeks, but as always been lurking. Day five for me heregrin. Slipped up on sunday- ashamed to say early on blush Managed to stop though! unheard of for me. Had a sleep, felt like shite but I stopped!
Been a little stressful here dp still continues to daily drink sad though he has been hiding it from me. He must think I dont know all the tricks wink so far have found wine bottles on top of kitchen cupboard, under cushions and in the garden. Dont know what will make him stop/cut back but of course it does nothing to help me with my ittle fight. One thing that really does though is reading about each and every one of you on here.

Twogoodreasons Thu 14-Feb-13 11:32:38

Morning Babes! I've missed out on the last few days (work gets in the way) and I'm still catching up.

mouse sorry to hear Nemo is poorly, I hope he improves very soon.

I'm very new here so still catching up with the terminology - I think I may be in the sidecar rather than on the bus because my plan is to drastically cut down on my mid-week habitual "net curtain" drinking and see if I can stick to a glass or two at social events/weekends. I work shifts, so some weekends will be alcohol-free anyway.

I've been on here for two weeks and so far, so good. I've had 2 small glasses at a birthday meal and two small glasses Saturday and Sunday. That's 11 days of no booze in between which is remarkable for me. I haven't told DH what I am trying to do and so he bought me some G&T glasses for Valentines - typical!

As for the positives-
I have lost 4lbs,
I have saved a good £50-60,
My face looks less puffy,
I'm less anxious
I am more focused at work,
I am less grumpy with my DD's,
My relationship with DH has improved as I'm more interactive in the evenings an less snappy in the mornings,
I've discovered liquorice tea!

I'm sure there are more...

alabasterangel Thu 14-Feb-13 11:56:30

twogoodreasons - 11 days is brilliant, well done. I really hope I can be saying similar in a couple of weeks time.

Can anyone suggest any good teas/warm drinks ideas for the evenings. I don't like many cold drinks (other than chenin blanc, unfortunately). I get a bit bored with cranberry/lime and soda etc, don't drink coffee or hot choc, so I thought I would look at trying some teas - herbal, fruit, green, etc. The only ones I have had in the past turned out to be pretty nasty - smelled gorgeous, but tasted of nothing and I ended up thinking that the bags would be put to better use in my sock drawer making them smell nice grin

Don't want to buy loads and not use them, so wondered if anyone has any recommendations.....?

p.s. just my initial paltry cutting downs, and I seem to have lost 2lb. Hurrah!

Twogoodreasons Thu 14-Feb-13 12:09:44

Alabaster welcome aboard and thanks for your enthusiastic support!

As above - I am loving liquorice tea. It smells insipid but tastes lovely. It leaves a lovely liquorice coating on your tongue (which sounds gross, but isn't!) it feels like a grown-up drink. Obviously you need to like liquorice though!

Good luck and keep posting. I find the thought of having a group of supporters to report back to as good motivation. I've also picked up some good tips on how to fend off the wine witch!

Mouseface Thu 14-Feb-13 13:29:31

Afternoon, tis, me, Mouse

Clutter - THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR CARING thanks smile xx DH and I already said that re A&E last night when he went right off the boil, plus his Children's Community Nurse has checked him over when she came to drop some NG tubes off on Tuesday. This is Nemo from Autumn until Spring. We all hate it, I do go on about it I know, which makes it all sound very dramatic! Sorry blush

Last night was much, much better, no more runny tum through the night, less waking, no vomits. I think he has a tummy bug, or it could be the sweeteners in the 'sugar free' paracetamol. I am going to bypass the GP as they can't fit him in all day and go straight to the new A&E Walk In if needs be and he's happy with that, he's not been before so needs a heads up.

His SATS are fine, and he has a good colour this morning (we have a monitor at home because of his heart condition) and he won't let me do suction, even with a size 6 catheter sad so lots of menthol steam baths are being placed around the room, and a bit of fresh air is on the cards for later, as long as he's wrapped up!! smile

Koala - posting here, reading about how you are all doing reminds me why I'm here! I could easily down a bottle of vodka, even now. I mean right now. I could go and get one in a heartbeat but what would it solve? It wouldn't make Nemo or me better. It wouldn't stop my pain or him coughing.... I have to post because I have to stay sober and in control. smile xx

JWN - The 'Real' Housewives? I've watched that. They're a bunch of destructive, manipulative, false, nasty women, who hide behind masks of loveliness and kind, gentle friendliness until they start to drink. They get pissed most days, maybe with too much time and money on their hands. I'd rather boil my head than have a life like that! They are vile aren't they?

Thing is, do you think that they were always like that? I think that they maybe married into it, or moved into the area, turned into these creatures IYSWIM.... I don't feel sorry for them but I do think that the promotion of their lifestyles is not a healthy one for a weekday afternoon! I wonder how many people sit watching it just before the school run or whenever, and crave a bottle of crisp, ice cold white just like them? hmm

Ma - thank you for the update about your brother. Is he still at mum's? xx

To those who are new and wonder what's up with Nemo and why everyone comments ever so kindly about him on here, there's some details about his disabilities on my profile if you want to have a peak. smile

I must go and write DH's Valentine's card. We're not buying into it as such, just a card and we'll try to cook something nice at the weekend, all things being well.

Thank you all for the kind words about Nemo, it means the word to me and does make me realise just how important and special he is to me, and well, us! grin xx

Mouseface Thu 14-Feb-13 14:23:15

Typo queen as per!! grin

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