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No I don,t want to sleep with your husband

(205 Posts)
bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 17:15:25

Apparently its ok by his wife that he is asking to sleep with me WTF I am so fucking angry. NO NO NO its not going to happen I,m pissed off bigtime at the pair of them.

AlienReflux Tue 22-Jan-13 19:04:36

sorry x post smile

TheLightPassenger Tue 22-Jan-13 19:06:00

sounds like you had a v lucky escape re:the holiday. Unfortunately by not being overtly critical of their lifestyle, this delightful pair seem to have assumed that you would be up for a threesome hmm. I sympathise, it must be rotten to realise your friends are sexual predators.

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 19:06:47

Thedocrine whatever husband and wife do between them behind closed doors is up to them. just don,t include me in it. Thats why I laughed it off as whatever floats your boat. It was probably the shock of her coming out with that in my reaction. as other married couples I know don,t normally say that they watch each other being screwed by other men/women Dont flame me for what I never want to be involved with.

Bogeyface Tue 22-Jan-13 19:13:04

I wouldnt be comfortable being friends with them anymore, but I do think that you are over reacting by crying and calling his wife a pimp.

Its their thing, its not yours, end of discussion surely?

Helltotheno Tue 22-Jan-13 19:13:29

Why keep laughing things off? Nail your colours to the mast woman! At the first revelation, you should have said 'Good for you. The wouldn't interest me in the slightest' THEN laughed it off if you felt the need.

Then when he said that to you, surely it's quite simple 'Actually no I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in sleeping with you' and if you felt annoyed with him, just usher him out.

They have an open relationship, you're not interested. Just say that. Pretty clear answer I would've thought.

Also, the fact that they have an open relationship shouldn't affect your friendship with her, if it's a a friendship based on ... well being friends iyswim. If you think they're arses in other ways, don't be friends with them.

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 19:13:41

No not a threesome just me and him the husband. O yes please shall wife babysit all the kids while daddy is screwing mummy,s friend. urghhh no. I,m so glad I didnt go on the holiday as sounds like she had an ulterior motive. I just can,t get my head around them thinking that this is normal behaviour and that he could come into my home and ask me. and yes now I have my bloody angry judgey pants on.

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 19:20:31

It,s their thing, Its not yours. You hit the nail on the head So don,t send your Husband round to my house and ask me that shit. Can you not see that they were both happy to assume of me that I would be okay with this, Like I have no standards in not shagging someonelses husband its wrong on alll levels and sinister.
No it had no bearing/affect in our friendship that they have an open marriage.
Just never crossed my mind that I could be their topic of next sexual conquest.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 22-Jan-13 19:24:59

Then you've been naive. I'm sorry but I've got a mental image of that rather wobbly, lecherous pair from the sit-com 'Benidorm'!!! All wiggly eyebrows, double entendres and meaningful looks over the Mellow Birds. If it had happened to me I'd be just as indignant, just as embarrassed and just as determined to emigrate rather than risk passing them in the street again... ever.

Bogeyface Tue 22-Jan-13 19:25:00

How do you know she sent him? He could have decided to ask you and she agreed, which is quite different. It doesnt mean that she actively told him to do that.

And they wouldnt know that you werent ok with it until they asked would they? More people are into this that you would think, I was shock when I found out that a regular at the pub I used to work in used to hook up with women via the internet in order to have sex with them while their husband watched!

I just think that being so insulted and angry is an over reaction, its a compliment really! Just dont be friends with them anymore if you feel uncomfortable with them, which I have to admit, I would.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 22-Jan-13 19:25:41

Well, to me, saying something like "whatever floats your boat" indicates that, although I don't intend to judge them, I'm also not into it; so yeah, I'd probably have said the same sort of thing at the time. I don't think it's fair to blame the OP for failing to be absolutely clear she's not up for it when the wife appeared to be only mentioning it in passing. Why should it occur to her that she was going to be expected to join in, without any further clues?

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 19:35:59

They are people that look down their noses at people and would be horrified to ever watch an episode of Benidorm!!! I think sometimes they just tolerated me because our dc play together.
I do not think being angry and insulted is an over reaction at all. And as for taking it as a compliment, wearing a pair of Jimmy Choo,s and being told they are nice is a compliment I would happily accept ( in my dreams, shallow)Husband wanting to screw me is not...

Stropzilla Tue 22-Jan-13 19:42:31

They asked, you refused. Why is there a problem? I've had exactly the same situation. They told me, I didn't think too much about it. I don't care they're nice people and what they do doesn't involve me.UUntil they asked! I said no. They accepted that and we are still friends.

If you don't want to then obviously don't but the logical person for them to ask is someone they both trust and he is attracted to. Personally I was flattered. I appreciate you feel angry but I do think that's a bit of an over reaction. As for the holiday being a chance to "groom" you, perhaps it was just a holiday? I'd go on holiday with my swinger friends because I trust them not to push the issue. If you cannot trust your friends to do the same it isn't their kink that's the problemiit's either your attitude or them coercing you into something you're not happy with. If you can't trust them not to try and push you ditch them. Other wise try and let go of the anger.

ahmnoclassyladybut Tue 22-Jan-13 19:44:53

sounds a bit creepy to me and not my cup of tea at all


I'm seriously wondering if that constitutes a criminal offence.

If telling someone you want to sleep with them is a criminal offence, we are doomed.

CredulousThicko Tue 22-Jan-13 19:49:58

They're sex people!

Just say thanks, but no thanks, if you're not interested. If the friendship is meant to last after this, it will, or if it's not, it won't. If they've upset you, you probably won't look at the friendship the same now anyway.

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 19:53:01

Maybe Im angry at the fact that me and his wife have not spoken for a ggod few months. And she has made no effort to get this sorted between me and her. Its a bit of a kick in the teeth that he said after all this time she is still cross with me but he tells me they have discussed how he wants to sleep with me!! Surely she should of been the one to speak with me to put things right. Have heard nothing from her. The whole thing has creeped me out.

ahmnoclassyladybut Tue 22-Jan-13 19:53:06


oooh you're nicer than my wife

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 20:02:41

Credulous No way I am being the middle one sitting on the sofa!! The husband is the spitting image of Alan by the way...

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 20:06:38

I have not given the attitude to them of thinking they could ask this of me.Swingging is their thing its not mine. Used to think that marriage could be my thing but sod that if any future hubby of mine turns round and says to me I want to shag your mate if okay with you honey!!!

deleted203 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:13:34

Not sure what you're so outraged about, really. I'd have just given him an odd look and said, 'Unfortunately I don't fancy you, particularly as you are married. Your wife might not object to sleeping with a bloke who shags other women, but I do'. I'm assuming you are single - and therefore I'd have been tempted to point out to him that if you wanted a bloke you are perfectly capable of finding one of your own - rather than making do with someone else's leftovers grin.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Tue 22-Jan-13 20:43:57

Well you are clearly not ok with open relationships, which is your business. Some people enjoy them, some people don't. But that doesn't mean you are in the right to be so screamingly furious about them suggesting a threesome to you - they only asked.

And you don't sound like much of a friend to them either if you can be so nasty and judgemental - just leave each other alone in future.

bongobaby Tue 22-Jan-13 20:53:49

He did not ask for a threesome. He wants just me and him to sleep together. Its nasty to ask me to entertain that shit. And you are a nasty person to think its ok to be involved in married couples weird sex life. don,t judge me by your standards............

Stropzilla Tue 22-Jan-13 22:03:18

Im nasty then grin because I think it's fine between consenting adults. Which you are obviously not. You said no so as long as they are going to respect that should be an end to it.

AnyFucker Tue 22-Jan-13 22:10:12

I get that you are angry at this couple, but why are you also angry at the people taking time to respond to your thread ?

balia Tue 22-Jan-13 22:21:49

Actually this has happened to me, twice. I must have that kind of face.

The first time, me and DH were invited over for dinner by a couple we knew, all normal, we'd been to the house before with other people - this time we are ushered into a different room done out like a kind of exotic tent, bean bags, candles, soft lighting etc. It took us a while to twig on (in fact it was when the bloke handed me a photo of the wife in bondage gear) DH and I were mortified, but giggling when we made a hasty retreat.

The second time I met up with some old friends who told me their marriage had been on the verge of collapse when they had found out about the 'lifestyle' and they were just checking to see if I was remotely interested as they both were. Not predatory, not 'nasty', just a grown-up conversation.

Fine, if you feel you don't want anything to do with it - but yeah, over-reacting. You don't have to be involved, but last time I looked it was legal to ask.

And by the way, there are swingers in 'Benidorm'. Just in case you hadn't noticed.

financialwizard Tue 22-Jan-13 22:28:13

He asked, you said no. Get over it.

If you have other issues to resolve with the wife then resolve them with her. Bitching about her on here isn't going to get it sorted is it.

Btw not my thing either but I would have told them that from the start.

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