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Anyone have a DP who's a really picky eater? (Long)

(219 Posts)
gail734 Mon 21-Jan-13 10:42:14

When I got married, I couldn't really cook. I was still living like a student and I was always on a diet. I'd never cooked for more than myself, so you don't exactly learn how to roast a chicken or bake a cake, do you? I was keen to learn though. Four years of rejected dinners later, I have to work really hard to reassure myself that I'm not a bad cook. My DH is an infuriatingly picky eater. Night after night, his dinner goes in the bin. Sometimes I'm sitting eating the same meal thinking, "This is nice." He'll push it around, eat maybe a third of it, then give up. He knows better than to say, "This isn't like my mum's", but that's part of it. Incidentally, I've had his mum's cooking and it really is awful. He's a 33 year old man and I once, when I'd identified a meal that he would eat, gave it to him every night for a week! (It was chicken, new potatoes and salad.) He ate it happily, night after night, then eventually he requested a change. I'm so sick of this and it causes arguments. He never cooks. I think it's disrespectful, if someone has gone to the bother of cooking for you, to refuse to eat it. I grew up in a kind of "clear your plate" home, whereas he would have been allowed to leave whatever he wanted. He'll cover his food in salt and pepper before tasting it, and also go directly from his abandoned dinner to get a packet of crisps, which I find outrageously insulting. When he comes home and asks, "What's for dinner?" I don't want to answer him because whatever I say, he'll pull a face. I have gone on strike, once. I didn't cook for a week. He lived on takeaways before apologising and meekly asking me to start cooking again. Anyone ever had anything similar?

sparklyjumper Mon 21-Jan-13 10:46:51

I've never had this problem my boyfriends have all been greedy eat anything types. I don't believe in finishing your plate but I do think what he's doing is rude. Tell him to make his own!

Phineyj Mon 21-Jan-13 10:50:09

Could he have an eating disorder? If not, he is very rude and entitled. There's no law says the woman has to do all the cooking! My DH does most of ours, and I certainly wouldn't bin food someone had been kind enough to cook for me.

dequoisagitil Mon 21-Jan-13 10:51:56

Is he like this generally in the relationship? Does he do household chores? Does he put you down in other ways?

This is shit behaviour on his part, it's rude and nasty. I can't believe you've put up with this crap for four years. I also only learnt to cook during my marriage and dh wouldn't dream of behaving in this manner (not to mention he does half the cooking anyway).

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Jan-13 10:52:32

Never had anything similar and wouldn't tolerate it if I did. Cook for yourself, tell him to sort himself out, and let him deal with the malnutrition.... "What's for dinner?"..... "Whatever you like, I've already eaten!"

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Mon 21-Jan-13 10:55:36

Yup, just stop cooking for him. He doesn't like the food you cook, so he can fucking well feed himself.
If he moans, point out to him that he doesn't like what you cook so you're not going to waste any more time - or waste any more food, for that matter.

If he then moves on to criticizing the way you clean the house, do the laundry, or perform sexually, then you will know that it's not about him being a picky eater, it's about his intention to train you into submission, and you can make plans to leave him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Jan-13 10:56:37

" have gone on strike, once. I didn't cook for a week. "

Should have extended it to a month... smile

kalidanger Mon 21-Jan-13 10:56:56

Mate, I'd have given up cooking for him years ago! He's so rude and lazy. How in earth does he justify never ever coking for you both??
I had to dance around my ex in the kitchen as our different cultures meant he kinda didn't trust my food grin I had to persuade him that 'English style' wouldn't poison him. He ended up begging for mashed swede and carrot grin Point is though; he cooked all the time as he liked his style, and so did I. We shared.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 10:58:08

Are you his personal chef ? Even someone in his employment would not put up with this dickign around and would have left for a better job a long time ago.

Are you really still cooking for this twat ?

I can't believe anyone would do that.

TisILeclerc Mon 21-Jan-13 11:00:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

craftynclothy Mon 21-Jan-13 11:00:31

Four years of rejected dinners later

WTF? Why are you still cooking at all for him. Tell him to bloody learn to cook and he can cook for you for the next four fucking years while you turn your nose up.

Catsdontcare Mon 21-Jan-13 11:03:38

I am constantly baffled as to why people tolerate this sort of shit from the partners when the solution is simple. Cook for yourself and leave him to sort himself. It really is that simple.

DancingInTheMoonlight Mon 21-Jan-13 11:07:59

You sit him down, tell him what you have told us and tell him he can cook for himself from now on. Make it clear its not a debate but what is going to happen..

gail734 Mon 21-Jan-13 11:09:30

He is a spoiled little prince whose mum's very limited repertoire has almost bred him into an eating disorder. Anything unfamiliar is more than he can deal with. I, on the other hand, can now cook hundreds of different things because I keep trying. He does absolutely nothing around the house. If I nag him relentlessly, we'll have a massive argument about how I'm a domestic slave and then he'll resentfully wash a sink full of dishes. I've decided that it's not worth a big fight to get some dishes done. The thing is, I work much shorter hours than he does, so it does seem logical that I should do most of the housework. He is rude, entitled and lazy, but I know exactly why. His mother has actually told me that if I don't want to "look after her boy", then she'll come over and do it. Believe me, I would let her, but she lives 200 miles away and doesn't drive. I didn't live with him before I married him (because of my own parents' old fashioned ideas.) If I had, I would never have married him.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 11:09:37

I don't think for one minute this immature dickery is confined just to mealtimes.

Theala Mon 21-Jan-13 11:10:49

The fool. I am a picky eater - I'm trying to cure myself but it's taking a while - so I do most of the cooking in our house. This means that a.) I get to eat things I actually like and b.) DP doesn't waste time and money cooking things I don't like.
When DP does cook, I always eat what he makes, because to do otherwise would just be mean.

So, yeah, give him a basic cookery book and point him in the direction of the kitchen.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 21-Jan-13 11:11:21

If you'd never have married this 'Little Prince' & he's proved to be an all-round failure, is there any real reason why you stick around flogging this very dead horse?

BagCat Mon 21-Jan-13 11:11:31

I wouldn't be cooking for him. He's not a two year old, but he sounds like it. I really cannot stand people who are fussy like that! I was brought up that if someone cooks for you - you eat it out of good manners and you tell the perssn that made it that it was bloody nice! (unless it's something you absolutely, genuinely hate - even then you'd never be rude about it).

My friend's DH, a similar age is the same and it pisses me off royally. I've cooked for him as a guest in the past, made things he said he liked beforehand in an effort to get him to eat my food and it's a case of, "Oh, that's not how it looks when my mum makes it" or, "I'm soooooo full", etc. And it's the same when we've went to lovely restaurants, every single time. Completely embarrassing for a thirty-something person to be pushing their food around with a fork. The thing is, if I put down a McDonald's in front of him - he'd polish it off in 2 seconds. Grrr!

Give him the keys to the kitchen and tell him to fill his boots! You are not his mother.

kalidanger Mon 21-Jan-13 11:12:07

Seems like OP is stumbling towards the light at the end of the tunnel wink

You thinking of having children with this child?

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 11:12:12

ah, cross posted

just as I thought

OP, unless you want to be a domestic drudge with the status of a vacuum cleaner with a vagina, I suggest you take bold steps to make him sort his act out, or you walk

I wouldn't have tolerated it for so long, and neither would many women. You have a poor chance of being treated like an equal in your own home when you take on a "spoilt prince" like this. Did you think you could "train" him ? That he would magically turn into a good and unselfish person with your love ?

Thing again

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 11:12:35


dequoisagitil Mon 21-Jan-13 11:14:48

Time to send him home to mummy.

AnyFucker Mon 21-Jan-13 11:14:50

Are you in one of those families that doesn't tolerate marriage breakdown ?

Well, I suggest that you stop listening to your family, because they played a large part in you ending up in this shit situation in the first place. Learn, won't you ?

SparkyDudess Mon 21-Jan-13 11:15:18

Wow - I do all cooking in my house, and if my DH ever commented on anything other than to say 'thank you, that was lovely' that would be the end of it. He'd be making himself butties for a very long time! Even if I've made something experimental and it's dire, I still expect him to recognise that I'd tried iyswim.

AF's said it all I think - he sounds very unpleasant indeed.

marriedinwhite Mon 21-Jan-13 11:16:46

I work shorter hours than my DH and do a lot more at home than him. He says thank you and appreciates it and we are a team. Also I was under the weather on Saturday and apparently had a raging temperature all night Sat/Sun. He was really worried and brought me tea in bed yesterday morning and then toast and then more tea .....and ironed all the dc's shirts for school this week and some of his.

He needs a reality check.

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