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Help me make sense of this before I text something I may regret?

(13 Posts)
cincodemayo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:51:42

I'm sure that's not the issue. It's just that she's helped you out while your baby was young and now she's had enough and doesn't want a permanent commitment on her only day off work! She probably doesn't want her child to go to yours on a Monday because she wants to see her and spend time with her on her free day. Back off a bit and if you're worried that your son is missing out on company, try to find an organised activity for a Monday or invite a little boy round to play.

tazmo Sun 20-Jan-13 21:20:13

Hi had her once but have been offering since about oct but she keeps saying "naw you're alright". Think the added complication is she has arrangements with her neighbour who I don't know we'll. have offered other than Mondays too. The only issue may be is her hubby is OCD tidy. My ds is not v tidy I can imagine. So not sure if issue is there but friend keeps remarking how her daughter has gone q reserved and only plays with my ds and this other friends dd.

Am back at work ft from mat leave beg march.

Samnella Sun 20-Jan-13 19:35:33

Have you had her DD in return? Not just once it twice but equally. I personally don't think these set ups work if its not equal.

Sugarice Sun 20-Jan-13 19:09:05

I would guess that she's had enough of taking your ds home.

You or him probably haven't done anything but she's gone off the arrangement for whatever reason.

You take the lead and tell your ds you're picking him up every Monday and tell your mate that's what you're doing from now on as it seems the right thing to do.

It's nothing really to fret about.

cincodemayo Sun 20-Jan-13 19:04:08

If your son has been going to her for 6 months and this coincided with the birth of your baby, she was obviously being kind to give you a break while you got used to the new infant. But now your baby's 6 months old, she probably thinks this is taking the piss a bit to expect her to carry on with it. The last thing you should do is get arsey about it, but you really should take the hint!

Catsdontcare Sun 20-Jan-13 18:46:06

The way I see it you've had a good run for 6 months of her looking after your ds every Monday and now for whatever reason it doesn't seem to suit her. Yes she should be upfront but maybe she doesn't want tell you out right.

I would accept that this weekly arrangement has come to an end and move on. She isn't obliged to keep having him over indefinitely.

tazmo Sun 20-Jan-13 18:43:00


As far as she's said, the girls fall out and ds is the angel apparently. So much so she mentioned it to nursery how we'll behaved he is. She hasn't said he hasn't been behaving!

mirry2 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:35:41

Sometimes threesomes are more difficult. Are they falling out with each other or is your friend finding a problem with your son's behaviour?

I would phone and ask why in as pleasant and non confrontational way possible.

Jemma1111 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:34:33

Maybe she doesn't mind looking after the other girl as her mother works , but she may be getting fed up looking after your child whilst your at home .

Whatever the reason I wouldn't ask her as she may feel like your putting her on the spot . If she wants your ds around she will ask you herself .

tazmo Sun 20-Jan-13 18:24:13


I'm at home so its not a case of childminding - my friend said he could go over most Mondays and it could be a regular arrangement unless something cropped up. For 6 months, Ds has been going over - regularly when the 2 girls were playing - so shes been looking after all 3. But recently (since 1st wk of Dec) - she seems to have been making excuses for him not to invite him over yet the other girl is still going over (same amount of effort). I want to know if I should ask her if I've done something to offend because my ds keeps asking if hes going over - and if the girls say they're having lunch but hes not invited - I don't think its fair on my DS.


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 20-Jan-13 18:23:45

Speak to her face to face or one the phone, don't conduct this by text, it's too complicated and liable to be misunderstood/misconstrued.

ssd Sun 20-Jan-13 18:16:37

pay for a childminder.


tazmo Sun 20-Jan-13 18:11:08


Had a baby 6 months ago and when our kids started preschool, my friend said she'd have my son after preschool on a Mon until lunchtime. I asked her if it would be too much and she said no, she'd make it a regular arrangement and it helped her as it kept her dd busy while she was doing stuff around the house as that is the only day she is off work. When I used to pick DS up, another girl would be round there and its a girl who lives round the corner from them (I live a few miles away). However, since before Xmas, I've felt she's been making excuses not to have him eg saying she had loads of work to do. When I offered to take her dd, she said "no its ok shes going to a pool party anyway)" - fine fair enough.

Anyway, start of term - didn't ask as I knew start of term. This week, I offered to have her (because I'd been feeling she was making excuses, dh said maybe its because I wasn't taking her dd back for lunch at mine). She initially said yes - but now I've had a text saying her neighbour has to go to work so she has to take the other girl who lives round the corner back from preschool back to hers and may her dd could come roudn another Monday? - no mention of inviting ds around for lunch at all (even though they play together well etc). I think its fine that she offers to help her friend out - but don't you think its a bit odd she hasn't said "we'll see what the snow does and if its ok, your ds can come round here?" We are due to have snow tomorrow so regardless, weather may scunner that - but do you think I should ask her if I've done something to offend or if she doesn't want to take him on Mons any more? My ds keeps asking every mon (he's associated Mon to going back to his friends because he's been doing it so long) - and I don't think its fair that he keeps thinking this is going to happen if it isn't? It really pulls at my heart strings as my ds doesn't really have many play dates. Have instigated one with a boy from his nursery but us mums are finding it hard to get a date.

Its horrible to put someone on the spot - but I've been telling ds she was going to come round this Monday and now I have to say she's not - and to wait till Sun night to tell me I feel is a bit off. Am I being over sensitive - am this close to texting to ask her??


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