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Drink issues?

(8 Posts)
newgirl Sun 20-Jan-13 00:49:00

we went out tonight with new friends and my husband was just an arse. He drank a lot and made mumbling jokes that were pretty dodgy. I felt really upset but tried to keep the evening upbeat. Mostly he is ok we don't drink much but in the past he used to drink a lot. When he's like this (every 2-3 months?) he is apologetic, says he didn't drink that much and we row. Next day he is back to normal, good w kids etc. I now dread going out w him and think he's going to embaras us. Is this just normal bloke behaviour - should I just accept it? I have 2 kids, pt job I'm not sure if leaving is viable I just feel so fed up at the moment.

aleene Sun 20-Jan-13 01:46:22

if it is making you unhappy you shouldn't have to just accept it.
He says he didn't drink that much because he doesn't want to admit that he did, or that there is a problem.

There are lots of posters who know about problem drinking but the first rule seems to be that the person has to know there is a problem - you can't do that for them.

Gomez Sun 20-Jan-13 01:56:37

So he gets pissed and is every so slightly an arse maximum 6 times a year/maybe 4 and you want to leave him?

Can I suggest he gets pissed more frequently to build more tolerance.

recall Sun 20-Jan-13 02:03:40

If its every 2-3 months, I wouldn't worry, he just gets pissed occasionally and makes a dick of himself - most people do.

If it starts becoming more frequent, then there may be a serious problem developing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Jan-13 07:36:49

I had a BIL like this. Lovely, gentle man most of the time. Came from a family of alcoholics, wasn't alcoholic himself but a) couldn't limit a night out to one or two drinks and b) was an embarrassing and offensive arse when pissed. It took his DW threatening to leave him on a holiday before he took action, which was to give up drinking completely for about 20 years. Saved their marriage. I'd be suggesting you do something similar.

No... it's not normal behaviour. Most people can moderate their drinking to suit the occasion.

MushroomSoup Sun 20-Jan-13 08:01:34

Or just don't go out with him when he's drinking. If he starts being a knob, go home. You don't have to babysit him or sit through it all, you know.

Fairenuff Sun 20-Jan-13 08:43:07

Sounds like he's ok not drinking or not drinking much at home but when out he doesn't know when to stop. It could be the sign of a problem. It could be that he is socially nervous so drinks faster/more than he usually would.

I would talk to him about it and say that whilst he might not consider it a problem, it is a problem for you and something needs to change. If he would agree to drink less next time and is able to stick to it, you could try that. If he is not willing or able to do that you will have to decide what you can live with.

Personally, I would probably say something like, if you start behaving like an arse when you're out with me, I will walk away from the situation. And if it continues to happen after that I would not go out with him drinking.

The rest of it is up to him.

newgirl Sun 20-Jan-13 09:29:37

Such sensible advice thank you I appreciate it x

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