Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hey, it's the Dating thread... number 37

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Sun 20-Jan-13 00:04:11

Of we got - all dating chit chat here!

lubeybooby Mon 21-Jan-13 23:21:23

Hi all, loads to read back on but wanted to reply quickly first about watch and chilli boy and and another chance... nooo! Nooooooooo!

He displayed some MASSIVE red flags. Huge.

Bugger him trying to get to go round for a shag so soon, I mean that's bad yeah... and the stuff I said earlier about it being an indicator of a presumptive, slimy, loser, yadda yadda BUT what worries me the most is his reaction and attempt to turn the fault of the date not happening on to watch. That's aggressive and manipulative. Then he turned apologetic and blamed being grumpy and tired, and something in one of his responses made me think he was now trying to get watch to feel grateful he was still 'interested' - again manipulative.

Can you imagine what he would be like as a partner when grumpy and tired and something doesn't go his way? If he is like this when he's meant to be trying to impress watch, having not even met her? Exactly.

He's an arsehole and not someone I'd want to be within 500ft of let alone date.

mercury7 Mon 21-Jan-13 23:22:11

it sure would be tricky getting together with someone who refused to be pinned down to either a wave or a particle stategrin
I think quantum physics would soon start to feel a bit dry as a topic of conversation!

lemonmuffin Mon 21-Jan-13 23:27:28

Blimey. Just read this thread.

Massive game playing there Watch.

Is it really worth all that time and energy? Really?

lubeybooby Mon 21-Jan-13 23:29:18

Bant - good to see you back!

Velvet, your advice was spot on imho.

Juliette grin

backonline Tue 22-Jan-13 00:45:52

Hello. Am new here and new to the dating thing. How do you tell if someone is genuinely interested in looking for something long term or whether they are actually looking for a fwb thing? In my case we have been texting each other daily for about 6 weeks, have seen each other for a few days each week or two (we live far apart but his job has moved to near me so he is selling his house and intending to move). Obviously it is too early to get serious smile and no sex yet but we have arranged a night away together now so am assuming that this will change. We have talked about the future, I've told him that I am not looking for a fling, and he has said that he has thought about a future with me and that he was worried about whether living together would work but that it is (obviously) too soon to be certain that this would ever happen. We both have children and it was dealing with that, but it seemed way too early to worry about how you'd cope with someone else's kids etc when you hardly know the person. So we decided that we should just try to enjoy ourselves and see what happened.
Does he sound genuine? Can you tell or do you just hope? Should we be worrying about the logistics of coping with the kids now? He said that nothing would be a non starter, but that he was worrying about how he'd cope with it all should we get to the moving in stage. I don't know if this is a good sign (as he is thinking about the future) or a bad sign (as he is worried about it).

lubeybooby Tue 22-Jan-13 03:04:44

It's a good sign, backonline. His worries can be dealt with if and when you come to that, and by the time you do, if you do, things may have changed/eased up etc.

Given my previous bad luck sex wise though there's noooo way I'd have got to that stage without sex shock I mean, what if it just doesn't work or is rubbish/selfish or he has erm... severe erectile issues which he refuses to acknowledge or get any help with, or it turns out he can only be turned on if you wear a french maids outfit and a bobble hat while doing a handstand, braying like a donkey and inserting a butt plug with your foot?

I'm sure the likeliehood is all will be fine, I just had a run of really bad luck like that once... all relationship worthy guys apart from terrible sex issues! confused

lulubellaboozle Tue 22-Jan-13 06:15:57

Lubey I agree, all fine with the French maids outfit, bobble hat definitely I'm this weather , handstands good to turn things on their head once in a while and butt plug, with your foot, well it's just like yoga innit? But braying like a donkey NEVER!! shock

lulubellaboozle Tue 22-Jan-13 06:17:19

<< tries standing on one leg and topples over>>

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 22-Jan-13 06:22:31

Lubey, i agree with what you have said. Not that it matters, as ive said,vanished anyway.

I supose its saved me another no second date situation though * scraping around for positives in a deluge of shite*

Date friday with new guy wont be happening, lots of emails, asked for my number then continued to hound me for hours for pics of my boobs. Ffs.

I feel less bad than i did yesterday ( though ive not been up long) but still a bit flat. Meh

Backbone, you cant really. And you cant guarantee aganist anything either. You just have to take it as it comes.
And second what lubey says re sex

MsArsebiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 06:53:35

Good morning everyone,
Velvet, you've had dates where they talked about West Ham ? Blimey, I did talk about football with Milko but then we're both interested in it, these artistic johnnies Don't Like Football.

Juliette, how very disappointing about Mr Groomed, my experience of men who work in academia is that they can be a little flakey.

Bant, I laughed out loud at your Schrödinger joke. There really is no hope for me.

Overnight emails from Chip Boy, Mr Software and Flash Bang Wallop ( who seems a little dull although I'm relatively impressed by some of his photographs).
I'm trying to find a diplomatic way to say 'I'm not going to shag you on a first date' to Mr Software as I told him I was worried he'd be disappointed if he travelled hundreds of miles to meet me, apparently he doesn't know how he 'could possibility be disappointed'. Errr, you'll be disappointed if you think I'm doing the business with you, chummy.

MsArsebiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 06:56:45

Watch, don't allow some quarter-witted, fuck-muppet to make you feel bad, the man's a tool.

MsArsebiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 07:06:09

Ooh, Michael Mosley is doing a Mumsnet Academy course - I have a huuuuge crush on him, how bad would it be if I go on the course and sit there mouthing 'I love you' at him for 4 hours ?

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 22-Jan-13 07:26:05

mrs arse, if you didnt do that, it would be a huge shame. lol

I like artistic types, i usually go for them... downside tends to be they take themselves very seriously and are way high on the arrogant side.

yeah, i do feel bad, be lying if i said otherwise. Think its because i just didnt expect him to be an arse and liked him.

the boob pics one.. goodness. He kept saying was a sure, as women say yes then always change their mind. when he contacts me later today i will tell him that women dont take too kindly being asked for boob pics constantly. voice/ Bill or any other man lurking, can you shed any light on why SOME ( or lots of ) men do this

VoiceofUnreason Tue 22-Jan-13 07:41:12

Watch - I can honestly say I have no idea. I've never asked a woman for boob pics. When I was OD, I never asked to see more pics than were already on their profile.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 22-Jan-13 07:44:23

he was literally begging, then tried ' how about a low cut top or something'

eventually he gave up, and im talking after an hour or so.. and then said he was disapointed but that at least he had ' tried'

baffling. just baffling.

SOME men are just plain stupid.

lubeybooby Tue 22-Jan-13 07:54:13

Fucks sake re: mr boob pics.

Just seriously... for fucks sake. <shakes head so much it gives me a headache>

Scattylatte Tue 22-Jan-13 08:01:23

flash, bang, wallop doesn't sound dull mrsA, by his name alone!

You may have to manage Mr Software's expectations by spelling it out. It's a slightly uncomfortable situation when you think they may be making the effort with an expectation they will be getting something. London sounds good.

watch Mr Chilli isn't genuine as you know. Try not to feel flat, feel relieved you kicked him to the kerb and you didn't have to meet him. Plus you know what boob man is like and you can do the same with him. Because I'm guarded (which isn't a good thing long term) I've had a fair few responses like chilli boy to texting. I tend to get 'you are no fun' when I refuse to enter into personal discussion or reveal too much about myself. Man at weekend said I was a 'nut job' when I explained that my intentions were not to have an IE, and didn't appreciate pictures of his ex GF!
I see texting and Pre meet discussions as a way of sussing out intentions. The majority of these aren't worth meeting. My general test is whether they ask me something about my life/job within first few messages. If they don't, I'm not interested.

VoiceofUnreason Tue 22-Jan-13 08:05:35

Watch - Really? I wonder what he'd have done if you'd asked him for a cock shot? Would he have 'taken the bait'? You could then reply back "Is that ALL? Jesus that's the smallest one I've ever seen!"

Also makes me wonder whether there are some women who DO reply with boob shots, as unlikely as it seems. I mean, would some men continue doing this if they've never had 'a result'? You'd assume that having tried this several times and being told to fuck off you'd give up. But presumably this section of men are just total wankers regardless.

So, Watch, how about a bikini shot? Just a tasteful one of you on a holiday. Doesn't have to be close up of the boobs? wink

MsArsebiscuit Tue 22-Jan-13 08:10:38

What an utter knobber, Watch. Some men seem to lose all reason when confronted by breasts, I've never quite understood it, it's not as if we go crazy at the glimpse of a scrotum. Mind you, there's quite an aesthetic gulf there.

watchoutforthatsnail Tue 22-Jan-13 08:11:57

Of course voice, what a totally reasonable request.


Honestly. I expect thats what some men are hoping for.

I do actually just give up.

VoiceofUnreason Tue 22-Jan-13 08:15:44

Actually, I think the standard response for any woman when confronted by a guy asking for a boob shot would be to copy and paste a photo of the guy requesting it and send it back to him with the words "Here you are. You wanted a picture of a tit!"

grinchie Tue 22-Jan-13 08:22:59

Thing is, there are boobs everywhere. Can't he find a picture of someone else's?

ike1 Tue 22-Jan-13 08:25:48

Erm ...thing is with the boobs...there are indeed SOME women that love to get them out for the evidenced by pics on POF. Well why didnt he message one of those if that's what he wanted????

In other news....there has been a flurry of snow which means school is shut..sigh!

ike1 Tue 22-Jan-13 08:27:11

Grinchie we have x -posts with almost the same message...cant stop pure brilliance eh?

grinchie Tue 22-Jan-13 08:32:36

ike mais oui rodney, mais oui.

This thread is not accepting new messages.