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Am I crazy or is internet dating making me??

(35 Posts)
GemsAngels Sat 19-Jan-13 22:09:41

Oh jeeeze!! Im emotionally exhausted. What do these guys want? I have no clue anymore, I feel Im going crazy questioning what Im doing wrong sad

jane251 Wed 11-Nov-15 19:25:13

Don't worry, Ive felt the same, and many of my friends have had the same experience..

jane251 Wed 11-Nov-15 19:14:34

After 6 months of trying internet dating, am just convinced that these sites attract really unpleasant guys. So many times there seemed a great connection, in one case we even talked for hours into the night, and then -pouf!-they would suddenly go silent without any need to explain. Just "Ive met somebody else" would have been a common courtesy. All the guys were educated, intelligent, checkable on the internet etc. Where were their manners/empathy/ humility etc? Even on the net I have never encountered such appalling rudeness-and all were far less attractive than guys I have dated in real life. There are many more women than men on these sites, and the result is to make quite ordinary guys think they are Tarzan.

landscaperguy Thu 24-Jan-13 15:30:17

Ive given up online dating. Its not worth the heartache and false sense of hope. I may as well just accept im never going to meet someone and be on my own. Its true all the nice guys finish last :-(

landscaperguy Mon 21-Jan-13 13:07:29

Thanks GemsAngels :-)

GemsAngels Mon 21-Jan-13 09:46:21

Im sorry to hear of your experience too sad its so sad how people can mess with other peoples emotions. Hope things are going well for you now and Im sure your Mr Right is around the corner too, keep smiling these guys arnt worth it, you are definitely not worthless and one day you will meet someone that makes you feel so wanted. Lets not give up hope, we know we are genuine people so there are plenty more out there, Im sure smile

landscaperguy Sun 20-Jan-13 17:26:46

@ GemsAngels and Prettywhiteguitar I understand exactly how you both feel but can you imagine how harder it is to meet a life partner if you happen to be gay? I have met loads of tossers, weirdos, separated men and liars and it leaves you demoralised and completely depressed. Was even on anti-depressants because the whole experiences left me feel worthless and unwanted.

I am NEVER doing net dating again as its not worth the heartache and whilst it may work for some people i think they are in the minority. Your not alone though.

You both sound nice genuine people and hope you find that special person.

GemsAngels Sun 20-Jan-13 16:27:11

Wow what a small world, fancy that smile
I would definitely rather meet someone out and about but men in the pub usually just chat you up and in my experience even take my number but never call. All my friends are settled and weekends go by where Im stuck in when the girls are with their dad for the weekend as there is noone to go out with, its quite depressing.
What do single 35 year old women do to get out and about? smile

prettywhiteguitar Sun 20-Jan-13 16:06:11

My story with Internet dating was very similar and so I gave up and got out of the house into a bar ! I was a single mum, all my friends had no children so it was difficult for me as I thought no one would be interested. Even though I am educated, gorgeous and amazing obviously !!! I attracted older divorced men and I just didn't want that.

I met my Dp in a bar, after a bit of dating I realised I'd seen him on match but had ruled him out because he wanted someone with no children and to be honest I didn't like his photos, the profile is so different from reality !

I asked him about this and we both realised on match you are so prescriptive about what you want it can rule out people who in real life you would like. In internet dating the normal meeting and chemistry assessing which goes on.

I would use it to go on a date if you fancied a night out but don't get sucked in and try dating guys that aren't your type ? If they don't want to go on a date pretty quick I would say they're just enjoying the attention and need to get a life !

GemsAngels Sun 20-Jan-13 15:16:25

Yeah same here Holla smile

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 15:13:12

I have tried internet dating several times and always end up feeling the same way, Gems. I know loads of happy couples who have met that way but it doesn't seem to work for me. I find the whole process really draining/time-consuming and I'd rather spend that time and energy on friends, family, work, travel, exercise... stuff where you actually get out what you put in!

GemsAngels Sun 20-Jan-13 14:36:00

Thanks for all the messages, Im gonna give it up for now smile
Its not really making me feel good and I feel like Iv worked hard to get to where I am now since my exH leaving. Meeting someone would be the iceing on the cake but Im not gonna be made to feel this way so hoping my Mr Right is just around the corner smile

flamingnorah Sun 20-Jan-13 00:44:43

Think you need to take internet dating with a massive vat of salt !!
I was on pof and i know it's the worst but hey ,i had a good profile good pictures and got lots of replies .
The thing is i wouldn't have dated any at all !! i had 3 categories the ones i didn't fancy , the fakes who wanted rude chat and pics etc , and the ones who just wanted sex .
I joined match , paid for a week and the only guy that was nice looking said he wanted sex , i asked why he would pay to shag women and he replied better quality of women haha really ? obviously not better men !!
There are success stories but i think you just have to not take it too seriously and wade through the crap which there is lots of !!

VelvetSpoon Sun 20-Jan-13 00:39:54

Hilbo, it is really lovely to hear. So pleased for you it all worked out smile I am 40, and although I have DC, I've got several friends my age who don't, are single, and convinced they have missed the boat. I think your story proves they shouldn't give up!

I'm going for the what will be will be approach. There's one possibility sort of in the background for me, but I suspect he may have too many issues, so I think I just will plod along as you suggest and see if anything comes of it, or whatever else happens in the meantime smile

Gems, don't lose hope - if I'm not, you can't either!

GemsAngels Sun 20-Jan-13 00:30:48

Thanks hilbobaggins smile its lovely to hear a happy ever after story smile
Although so close, I wont give up hope smile

hilbobaggins Sun 20-Jan-13 00:23:49

Gems and velvet, all I can say is that I was exactly where you were and then some. I thought I was a pretty cool person but also had to deal with all the additional attractive loveliness of "oh god I want babies and I've left it too late and im old and my best years are behind me so who will want me". That panic you're not supposed to show must have been oozing out of me and despite that I STILL met someone decent.

It can work out. I'd go so far as to say it WILL work out.

Wish i had something wise to add. Just let those stupid doubts and fears just play around in your mind (cos they're going to anyway and you really can't fight them, they'll just keep getting bigger if you do), AND then keep gently plodding on with your life as calmly as possible, doing a bit of Internet dating here and there if the time seems right. That's really all you ever need to do.

VelvetSpoon Sat 19-Jan-13 23:55:04

Hilbo, blimey, that almost gives me hope!

I've got to the stage where I think I'm bloody great BUT at the same time I never expect to meet any man who will actually appreciate me or want to date me...

GemsAngels Sat 19-Jan-13 23:44:15

Aw thankyou hilbobaggins, its helped smile
So pleased it worked for you smile
You do kida get to the point where you think, Im never gonna find anyone and you run out of reasons for them not being intereste. Im so much better and dont blame myself as much, just question what it is they want.

hilbobaggins Sat 19-Jan-13 23:39:15

I've done several rounds of internet dating; this last time around i was 42, convinced I'd never meet anyone and absolutely sure that I'd be a complete turnoff to anyone who seriously wanted kids.

Rather to my amazement 3 years later I'm now living with a nice man and mum to our DS born 5 months ago. We met on

That said I agree with you - it IS exhausting and can be demoralising. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. My attitude to internet dating was shaped by years of living and dating in New York: I saw lots of people and tried not to take individual dates too seriously. I was getting into mindfulness stuff at the time and tried to see it as part of my practice to not take stuff too personally (like those throwaway rejections) which was a huge challenge as I take everything seriously and/or personally! I also took breaks regularly - you WILL go crazy if you keep plugging away remorselessly. It is just another way of possibly meeting someone decent, that's all, it's not your life, it's not serious, and if you've had enough for right now then you can always take a break.

Not sure if any of that helps, I know how hard it can be!

GemsAngels Sat 19-Jan-13 23:33:42

Aw sorry to hear you have had a bad experience too sad

Haha thanks ike1, I will have to visit Bristol smile

ike1 Sat 19-Jan-13 23:31:59

I suggest over the bridge because Bristol is a larger city and to be frank the talent is tastier. Good luck.x

VelvetSpoon Sat 19-Jan-13 23:28:09

What I found with OD was that of say 20 messages I might get that were from blokes I thought had some potential (probably about 20% of messages received at best), and reply to, 5 simply wouldn't reply to my reply, or disappear after another couple of messages.

Then of the remaining 15, another 5 would probably message backwards and forwards without suggesting a date, eventually I'd ask if they were interested in meeting and never get a reply.

Of the 10 that were left, all would suggest a date, half would vanish before one was arranged.

That might then be 5 possible dates. Of which 3 would basically indicate they were only after sex and either I'd cancel or - if I said that wasnt what I wanted - they'd just disappear. Leaving 2, 1 of those would probably cancel the day beforehand.

Best case, I'd end up with one date.

Date,would go well, he'd say he wanted a second date, we'd say goodnight etc, and I'd never hear from him again....

And as for sending messages myself, similar experience to everyone else, never got anywhere, either no reply at all OR nothing that resulted even in an offer of a date!

Flojobunny Sat 19-Jan-13 23:23:33

Yes I've given up on dating. It was supposed to be fun. Something that made me feel good. An add-on to my life. Instead it made me feel low and rejected so I stopped.
I figured some one in RL might come along when I least expect rather than when actively looking.

GemsAngels Sat 19-Jan-13 23:21:56

Aw for sure Walkacrossthesand. I try to believe there is someone for everyone, its just sometimes we feel like we are on a emotional rollercoaster trying to find them. Dont give up smile

Walkacrossthesand Sat 19-Jan-13 23:18:13

Gemsangels, I would say I've given up for now ('on the sofa' in dating thread speak grin) - I'm older (early 50s) and I gather from the dating thread that the main 'traffic' is in younger age groups. I tried 'older dating', got more responses there but they were much older (!) and no common ground. I might try a professionals' site at some point - but that's where I saw the profiles of the guys who ignored me on the first site, and there don't seem to be many in my area, so I'm not inclined to bother. Maybe RL will bring someone nice my way...

Walkacrossthesand Sat 19-Jan-13 23:13:40

I'm with you flojo - the overall effect of the OD scene on me is demoralisation. I well remember the first site I joined, the lovely pics and profiles, the excitement as I sent messages, the disappointment when I got no replies and no messages....That was at least a year ago, and I've seen the same guys (same profile pics!) still looking on different websites, and I think - serves you right! If you don't respond to messages from women who like the look of you, how are you going to get anywhere?!

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