sexless relationship

[hawklady]

I know my situation isn't unique. I do need some advice though. Been with my partner for 2 years and already our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. When we met it was good. Soon afterwards it virtually stopped. He had reasons, or so he told me. He has breathing problems etc. He has been to the doctor and there is nothing wrong with him apart from a chest infectiuon for which was precribed anti biotics. I know from what he says, he has had racy sex in the past. With me, he can't even kiss me. I've tried explaining that even non sexual intimacy would be nice. He just won't engage. I try not to talk about it as when I've raised it, he claims I'm 'obsessed with sex'. This has a knock on effect and I just let it all build up inside and become very tearful and feel inconsolably down. I get on really well with him otherwise and he has many great qualities. Am I right to feel that he doesn't fancy me and I'm not his 'type'? We don't even have intimacy on holiday.

[badinage]

You could spend ages wondering why this is, but if he won't engage or do anything about it, you're only 2 years in and have no joint commitments, I'm just going to cut to the chase and say bin him. Sounds like apart from the early days, almost the entire relationship has been rubbish sexually. Don't waste any more time on this one. If I had to guess, I'd say he sounds like a porn loser who prefers that to RL sex with any woman, so it's nothing to do with you.

[dequoisagitil]

If there's no kissing, no hugging, no loving touching, as well as no sex then you would be much better getting rid. Don't put yourself through it.

[feelokaboutit]

Yes, I agree with badinage. He just won't engage. I try not to talk about it as when I've raised it, he claims I'm 'obsessed with sex'. This has a knock on effect and I just let it all build up inside and become very tearful and feel inconsolably down. This is no basis for a relationship. I am married and have three children with someone whom I find very difficult to talk to about anything that matters to me and who, though we do occasionally sleep together, never touches me otherwise, and if I were in the position to run, I would definitely do it. You are free as a bird - don't give your freedom away for someone that plays mind games with you and obviously has issues you might spend a lifetime trying to understand and for what?
I get on really well with him otherwise and he has many great qualities. My advice then, and I am not being flippant, is to keep him as a friend but not as your partner. Two years in you shouldn't have to ask people on mumsnet if he fancies you or not, you deserve to be loved completely and utterly.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

What you've got is 'a friend'... not a partner. You've given it 2 years, you're clearly fundamentally incompatible in one important aspect and I don't think you should waste any more time. To go from 'racy sex' to nothing in such a short space of time is very odd. I wonder if he has erectile dysfunction or if he's replaced you with a porn habit. But that's just speculation on my part.

Good luck

[boredofmincepies]

Agree with the others here - if he wont discuss this or address this then this is the end of the road. Nothing you say suggests you are obsessed, and theres no reason why you should deny yourself a full, sensual sexual life. Be brave and you will find someone else.