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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

'D' H assulted me half an hour ago and I've just given a statement.

88 replies

shadesofwhite · 19/01/2013 21:05

He boxed my head and nearly broke my arm. I was terribly shakint and called the police, they showed up in no time and he did a runner before they got here. They are searching for him and I'm home with DD trying to take my mind off what just happened. Sorry I can explain what led tpo this nasty incident now but I just needed a hand holding. Part of me feels guilty coz the ss will get involved and absolutely scared of what will happen next.

OP posts:

Report

sweetestB · 19/01/2013 21:07

LTB. Be scared of staying.

MouseyHousey · 19/01/2013 21:09

I dont have any advice but Im sure an experienced MNer will be along in no time. You have done the right thing and have been incredibly brave

Minimammoth · 19/01/2013 21:09

I have absolutely no experience, but holding hand. Can you call someone to be with you.

ZZZenAgain · 19/01/2013 21:10

can you ask a friend or member of your family to come over and be there with you?

headlesslambrini · 19/01/2013 21:11

just keep talking to us. The more you get 'out' the more you start to accept and make sense of things. You have done the right thing by ringing the police and never doubt that. Do you have anyone in RL that can come and keep you company?

VivaLeBeaver · 19/01/2013 21:11

Well done for calling the police. Have you left your key in the lock/bolted the door so he can't get back in?

postmanpatscat · 19/01/2013 21:11

Good on you for reporting it. The future may seem scary, but you will be stronger than you realised you could be.

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 19/01/2013 21:12

You need to get an order from the police that prevents him from coming near you or entering the house.
It's natural to feel conflicted as you do, but he is a violent man and ss will need to be involved in order to protect your DD. He is not safe to be around her or you.
Have you any family friends who can be with you? Do not listen to him if he contacts you at any point full of remorse. It is bullshit. Stay safe.

VivaLeBeaver · 19/01/2013 21:12

And don't feel guilty, this is not your fault.

Whatever happens next nothing will be as bad as what's happened. Ss will see you've done the right thing for your dd by calling the police.

dequoisagitil · 19/01/2013 21:13

You've done absolutely the right thing by calling the police.

Do you have a supportive friend or family member who could be with you? (Not if they're likely to be dismissive or take his side)

The SS will only be interested if you let him back. If you keep him out of the home, then they will accept you're keeping the dc safe.

Gottabbrave · 19/01/2013 21:13

So sorry try and calm down and lock the door in case he returns.
Make sure his abuse is logged with the police when you can and do NOT let him back in ! No amount of pleading can make him justifyable.
You have to stay strong for your daughter right now and phone womans aid asap get yourself on the freedom programme .
This man is a menace and dangerous and believe me he wont change. Stay safe xxx

KumquatMae · 19/01/2013 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 19/01/2013 21:15

Please please please press charges. Don't fall for victim guilt or feel sorry for him.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Lock the doors, make sure you have a friend or family with you and be strong.

Have you seen a doctor?

shadesofwhite · 19/01/2013 21:16

I've got no RL support whatsoever, I know I've done the right thing cause I'm just tired of being abused occasionally and yet goes around saying how terrible I am and the fact that I'm on Anti-D's everyone believes him. Its been a trend and I'm sick and tired of being run over and keeping quiet every single time. I don't care if he sleeps in Jail today. I blacked out when he punched me and twisted my arm so he deserved it. My DD doesn't need to grow up seeing her poor mum treated like trash. This is me saying no more to domestic abuse from this bastard.

OP posts:

WeAreSix · 19/01/2013 21:17

Well done for calling the police and not letting him get away with his awful, awful behaviour.

Another hand to hold.

MumVsKids · 19/01/2013 21:17

Hand holding (((((((hug))))))

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 19/01/2013 21:17

And anything that happens next will only be the first step in getting rid of this abusive prick. don't be scared of SS. Sometime they are there to help.

KumquatMae · 19/01/2013 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumVsKids · 19/01/2013 21:18

What's your location, I'm happy to be your RL support if you're anywhere near me (Derbyshire)

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 19/01/2013 21:18

Well done for being so brave, you're right you're dd deserves better and so do you.

Do you not have any family or friends nearby?

headlesslambrini · 19/01/2013 21:18

well done you. be proud of yourself for not accepting this anymore. you need to keep busy over the next couple of days, take photos of the bruising and everytime you feel weak, look at them and remind yourself that you are strong. Don't let him back into your life otherwise you'll be back at square one.

Lueji · 19/01/2013 21:19

Why on earth should you feel guilty???

That's right:
This is me saying no more to domestic abuse from this bastard.

Keep hold of that feeling.

Make sure you and your DD are safe and go on with your life.
He doesn't deserve any pity.

Lueji · 19/01/2013 21:21

Also, you don't need to "explain" what led to this nasty incident.

He's a bastard is the only explanation.

Unless he attacked you in self defence (and even so, he would have used too much force) there is no excuse for his behaviour.

izzyizin · 19/01/2013 21:21

Have you been injured? Have the police suggested that you be medically examined?

If your dd was present when he assaulted you, the police are duty bound to send a report of the incident to SS who will contact/call on you, most probably sometime during the next week as they are statutorily obliged to check your dd is notat risk of harm.

It's in your best interests, and those of your dd, to ensure he doesnt return to your home before any SS is investigation is complete.

When the police find him they will arrest him and take him to a police station where he will read be his rights and questioned.

If the police decide to caution him and he accepts a caution, he will be released immediately. If the police decide to charge him it's unlikely he will be kept in custody and he will be bailed to appear at the station or the Magistrates Court on a given date. If the police pick him up tonight, he's likely to be at large again either in the early hours or sometime tomorrow morning.

How safe is your home? If he took his keys with him, can you bolt or otherwise secure the main entry door and any other external doors from the inside?

Do you have family/friends living nearby? Is there anyone you can ask to stay with you this evening or overnight?

florry88 · 19/01/2013 21:22

Thinking of you, you most defintly have done the right thing, your life can BEGIN now xxx

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