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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

It's done!

22 replies

Ckmummyx · 18/01/2013 23:33

I posted a thread on here a little while ago about finding my partner had been on adult work sending msgs & making bookings. Since then he's got out a payday loan & paid for escorts with them. I made a fake profile of what I know his type is & he sent me a msg wanting to book owo and bareback!

Well it all came out today, he completely denied it all, said he was a victim of "identity theft" & somebody had set him up which is a load of bullocks. He doesn't know about the profile I did & if I hadn't of done that I might of believed him because he was very convincing. He's told his family he's been a victim of identity theft & his mums been ringing & texting me constantly saying he'd never do anything like this!

I've been in a state all evening, I can't believe I'm now a single parent after 10 years. I keep thinking shall I just forget about it & let it go but then I think no don't be such a pushover. Does that feeling get easier?

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purplewithred · 18/01/2013 23:36

Well done on making the big leap; yes that feeling does get easier, a little bit easier every day.

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Doha · 18/01/2013 23:47

Remember you can't feel and worse than you feel right now. Well done for getting shot of your ex. Perhaps if his DM persists withy the texts you should enlighten her with what her darling son has been up to.

Things can only get better now you have got rid of him. Sure it will be tough but you do have the strength to do it.
Look forward and not back

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izzyizin · 18/01/2013 23:47

'Identity theft'? that's the second good one today. You couldn't make it up - but they have the bloody bare-faced (no pun intended) effrontery to come out with crap that would put Pinocchio to shame.

Ye gods, how dumb must he think you are, honey. Your life is going to be infinitely better without him in it but please, to get the bad news out of the way asap, get yourself tested for stis at a GUM clinic if you haven't done so already.

On to practicalities, are you married? How many dc do you have, and is his name on the tenancy agreement/deeds of the property you live in?

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AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 23:51

Keep him dumped.You would be an utter fool to give him another chance. Tell his family the truth, if they choose not to believe you, that is their problem.

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izzyizin · 19/01/2013 00:00

If it's a case of identity theft he won't have any problem accompanying you to the police station to report it so the culprit(s) can be apprehended, will he?

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Ckmummyx · 19/01/2013 00:34

Oh apparently he's rung the police, he's full of shit! His mum knows, I forwarded the msgs on to her & her words were "he'd never do anything like that, this is a set up". Apparently his picture just got onto the website!

We have 2 children together & he's not on our tenancy agreement, thankfully. We were due to get married in august, been together 10 years. I've got an app Monday to get myself checked out :-(

He is expecting to meet "foxy lady" (fake profile) in a couple of weeks in a local hotel! My mum wants us both to go, as he won't be expecting it in the slightest!

Feeling like this is horrendous though, hope it gets better soon!!

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izzyizin · 19/01/2013 00:46

Take heart, honey, it's got to be better soon and it will be, you'll see.

You do realise we're going need to hire a coach to ferry the likes of me and other m/netters who'll be itching to video watch his face when he gets to meet 'foxy lady' at your local hotel and post it on youtube ?

Are there many vacant rooms? Shall we make a weekend of it?

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AlreadyScone · 19/01/2013 00:48

Well done you.

I love the idea of all of MN booking a room! Grin

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Ckmummyx · 19/01/2013 00:56

Ha ha, first time I've smiled all day :-) The more the merrier!!

Well he's in for a big shock, wonder how he's gonna squirm out of this one?! Some of the things he's been saying in msgs are disgusting :-(

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Darkesteyes · 19/01/2013 00:59

Well done OP. Sorry youve been through this. Dont put up with any hassle or shit from his mum. If she keeps ringing you harassing you could gently but firmly remind her that is against the law.
What a bastard.

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izzyizin · 19/01/2013 01:12

The feeling takes some while to subside and, when it does, it's replaced by a positive force for good - the feeling of empowerment which comes from never having to take any more shit from a skanky twunt who's put satisfying his dick above you, his alleged life partner and mother of his children, AND above his dc.

I've said similar on another thread tonight, but I have to say it again. What manner of being treats those he professes to love this way? It's so very difficult to comprehend a man who's got a sewer for a brain.

With the support of your family and friends and from the army of m/netters who'll always be here for you 24/7, you will go from strength to strength and, within a very few short months, you won't recognise yourself as the woman who once gave thought to forgetting about his gross disrespect of you and your dc.

You've been immensely brave to tell him it's over; don't lose your courage now or you'll miss out on the bright future that's waiting for you.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/01/2013 07:30

BTW... his DM sounds the deluded type that would think he was the victim of a miscarriage of justice if he was standing over a freshly shot corpse holding a smoking gun. So don't engage with her because there's nothing you can say that will convince her.

Sorry it's all come to an end but I think, because you've taken the initiative, the healing process will be that bit shorter than it might have been. Good luck

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MadAboutHotChoc · 19/01/2013 08:47

Well done on dumping this pathetic lying cheating scumbag.

You do sound strong - your future is already looking much brighter now that you are free.

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Anniegetyourgun · 19/01/2013 10:00

Obviously it's going to hurt, because although you know you're far better off without a sleazy scumbag in your life, you loved the man you thought he was and that's been taken away from you. It's kind of like a bereavement with added betrayal. So it won't help the hurt in the long term if you do take him back, because the "him" you want back is not the "him" you'll be getting. The one you want turned out not to exist.

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ThreadPirateFanjoBeard · 19/01/2013 10:28

Well done,OP. I hope your tests are clear and that he gets the hock of his life on Monday.

The MIL is clutching at straws - some mums are so blinded by the belief that their kids 'wouldn't do anything like that' that they would rather swallow a heap of bullshit than face facts. You can't change her, cos she doesn't want to face the reality of what her son's done. I would tells her not to contact you next time she calls.

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arthriticfingers · 19/01/2013 11:40

And yes, another adultwork thread - Hmm

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AnyFucker · 19/01/2013 11:51

Send his deluded mother along to meet him for his shady liason

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Ckmummyx · 19/01/2013 12:56

God I don't feel strong at all, I'm a bloody wreck!
He's taken the kids for a few hrs today & my house is so quiet now, I don't know what to do with myself :-( I think he's hoping I'll calm down after this weekend & he'll be able to come back!

His mum is deluded, she thinks the son shines out of him, his sister & sil believe it though which I suppose is a good thing.

I'd never even heard of adultwork but in setting that fake profile up the amount of msgs men have sent saying they are not satisfied with sex with their wife is disgusting! Don't these men have any bloody morals?! I'm going to turn into an official manhater!

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riceuten · 10/09/2016 17:11

Wonder if he turned up for the "appointment" ?

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ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 10/09/2016 18:16

I wonder if the cheque got cashed?
Zombie Thread. For a minute I thought Cog was back and then I realised.

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SandyY2K · 10/09/2016 18:25

Good riddance to him.

Suggestion: arrive at the meeting venue early and once he arrives and gets out of his car, take a pic of it, reg number included.

Then you can either drive off home or walk in there are see his face drop in shock horror and fear.

I so wish you had a friend he doesn't know, who fits the description and could go and be foxy lady.

The fact that SIL and SIS believe you says enough really. Mothers can be terribly deluded at times.

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ImperialBlether · 10/09/2016 18:28

Zombie thread.

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