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Advice with husbands Internet dating please!

(54 Posts)
RedBunny Fri 18-Jan-13 10:37:52

Howdy, first ever post and I wish it was a happy one!! However, having read advice on here before I think it would help me.
Before my husband and I were married I discovered he had joined some dating sites and was chatting and swapping pictures with girls on his phone. He promised to never do it again and we got married, had a baby, I felt like I'd forgiven him.
We've argued a bit lately and gone to counselling. He was weird last night and said he had to work late, but one of his colleagues had no idea what he would be doing. I just felt wrong about it- this is what he used to say. So I signed into his email account he used for chatting last time and there was an email to say he'd registered for an adult dating site and another to send him possible matches.
I texted him to ask and he said he'd never heard of it. I sent him a picture I took of the email. He still says he hasn't heard of it and it wasnt him. But the username for the site is very similar to his actual name. I feel like I'm being stupid cuz I want to believe him that someone else must have done it, but I feel so confused. Can I believe him?

MadAboutHotChoc Sat 19-Jan-13 08:55:48

My OH said he signed up out of loneliness, wondering what was out there.

<snorts> People sign up to these sites for one reason only - to fuck other people.

Op - please get rid of this lying cheating scumbag, you are worth far more than this. And get tested for STDs sad

RedBunny Fri 18-Jan-13 22:26:25

Thank you for all your opinions and advice. I guess I have to do some unmessing of my head. And never let anyone mess it up so much again.

nkf Fri 18-Jan-13 18:04:20

He is lying. And he thinks he can get away with this because you forgave him the first time. That's all. All you can do is decide how you will deal with it.

AnyFucker Fri 18-Jan-13 18:01:30

You have been trying to be a "good wife" for this lying twat ?

If being a "good wife" involves shutting the fuck up about his entitlement to make a mug of you, turning a blind eye to infidelity/attempted infidelity and giving him more and increasingly frantic blow jobs in attempt to keep his sexual interest on you then for god's sake, be a Bad Wife

badinage Fri 18-Jan-13 17:57:31

Oh of course he's signed up for no-strings fucks!! And he isn't really at work either.

If he signed up in November, that's why you're in counselling.

If you've slept with him since, go to GUM clinic at the earliest opportunity.

Please don't listen to any more of his lies.

prelim29 Fri 18-Jan-13 17:35:23

must be worth computer/laptop history to see if he's visited the site/other sites recently?

SueFawley Fri 18-Jan-13 17:18:27

No wonder you can't trust him, because he's proved that he can't be trusted. He couldn't be trusted even before you married. I do wonder why so many women think that a man will change for the better when he's married. If a man can't behave himself before he's married, when he thinks his GF is his dream woman and is head over heels, he certainly will not behave himself after he's married and the inevitable drudgery sets in.
Sorry that you find yourself in this horrid situation but believe me, if you don't get rid now, you'll be back soon enough reporting that he's doing it again.

SirBoobAlot Fri 18-Jan-13 17:03:59

This man is a prize arsehole. He cheated on you before you were married, and is betting on that forgiving side of you to be able to squirm his way out of it this time.

Doha Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:33

Oh god this man has no respect for you or his DD.

You need to see him for what he is --a liar and a cheat who has probably put the health of his DD's mother at risk
You need to get away from him--if he won't leave then can you go to family or friends to get your head straight.
Both your original post and your other thread are deal breakers for me.

debtherat Fri 18-Jan-13 16:21:51

He admitted it - there were numerous emails inviting him to get himself a local hotty. I wasn't able to check for responses. He assured me he only looked, never followed up. He unsubscribed in front of me.... but as this is all in a personal email account.. no further access. He also changed the password sharpish - remotely through his Iphone when he realised I was onto him.

This was not the only thing - see my thread "Where does the love go?" I also found presents, a love letter, a password protected poem and a posting on Facebook about an inspirational new friend... all this following the admission of an EA.

trustissues75 Fri 18-Jan-13 15:43:36


Sorry you have such a twunty friend! I put it down because it IS possible, but since this man has form I thought the odds of it being a possibility were extremely slim.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 15:11:28

There's your answer.

Can you live with a lying cheat?

RedBunny Fri 18-Jan-13 14:59:01

I don't know what to do. I mean, even if by some weird crazy disaster he really doesn't know anything about it, clearly I don't trust him. Or I would just believe him rather than be questioning it right?

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 14:56:52

What is your gut telling you in terms of whether he is guilty and in terms of whether your marriage is over?

RedBunny Fri 18-Jan-13 14:32:31

debtherat, what happened in the end?
He is very very insistent that he knows nothing about it. I have been looking closer and I believe he has not done anything lately, but the issue is that he did sign up right? That is a problem.

debtherat Fri 18-Jan-13 13:00:06

The one my husband signed up to Was No Strings Attached. The whole phenomenon surprises me .. can't believe they are real women taking the risk of being f**ked by some man who might be a charming psychopath. Beggars belief that people take such risks. I've just led a v. sheltered life obviously!

My OH said he signed up out of loneliness, wondering what was out there.

Numberlock Fri 18-Jan-13 12:26:56

Before my husband and I were married I discovered he had joined some dating sites and was chatting and swapping pictures with girls on his phone

Sorry I misread this the first time round and see now that he actually cheated on you before you got married.

So he has form for this type of thing.

You forgave him once, don't let him take you for a fool a second time.

VenusRising Fri 18-Jan-13 12:24:59

He's having sex with strangers.
You had better have a sexually transmitted disease test.

And kick the sad sac to touch.

So sorry to hear this, especially as you have a little baby. X

Distrustinggirlnow Fri 18-Jan-13 12:18:24

OP I'm so sorry to read your post.
Unfortunately I would say that he is lying. What these twunts men do in these situations is deny and delete. Deny they've done it and delete the evidence.
If it were me I would log into the site though the email account and check the profile. I would check his sent mail box and deleted messages box. I would put the email addy into such wonderful sites as marital affairs, illicit encounters, plenty more naughty fish etc etc..... And see if he was a member there too.

BadLad Fri 18-Jan-13 11:57:59


But if she had somehow found out about it before I had, then it wouldn't have sounded very convincing, I don't think.

That probably wasn't the case for the OP's partner, but I just wanted to point out that it can happen.

I still have no idea who did it for me - actually it was a personal in the local paper with my e-mail address. My regular one, that is.

Numberlock Fri 18-Jan-13 11:52:15

and told her about it

That's the difference though, BadLad. You told her about it...

BadLad Fri 18-Jan-13 11:50:26

1) He has a stupid dumb-ass friend who knows his past and his email address and has signed up for him on his behalf without telling him (also, Santa is real....)

Actually, this happened to me once.

Fortunately I came across it before my then fiancee, and told her about it, and was (rightly) believed.

dequoisagitil Fri 18-Jan-13 11:44:09

Maybe he should have put his son's visit ahead of his need to cheat on you? It's not really your problem, is it? Maybe he could go stay with family - I daresay they'd be delighted to have his ds as well.

Did he split up with his ex over his infidelity?

I know you desperately want to keep it together, but he's got no respect for you and if you want a faithful man, he's not it.

Numberlock Fri 18-Jan-13 11:37:14

If you don't want to ask him to leave just yet, do you have somewhere you could go for the weekend with your daughter?

Then when his son goes back to his mum's (Sunday?) you tell him to leave.

Do you own the house together?

PeppermintPasty Fri 18-Jan-13 11:33:46

I don't get that BOF <thick emoticon>

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