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Which of these men should I get serious with??

(79 Posts)
2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:40:12

I've been dating 2 men for a while and am at the point where I need to make a choice!

Help me!

1. Mr Perfect on paper
He's kind, considerate, would fit in well with my family (I have a ds aged 3)
He treats me really well, not in a flamboyant way but is very thoughtful with little things.
We get on really well.
He's tall dark and handsome.
We have lots of similar interests and similar sense of humour.
We've known each other 7 years and he has good history! Is. "good egg".
No baggage
He's a very modern man so would do his 'fair share'.
Easy going and laid back. Sometimes I find him too laid back but I am highly strung so this is quite good for me.

What you see is what you get - this could be a pro but he isn't very 'deep' so I worry I may get bored.
I don't feel very sexually attracted to him.
He has a fairly good job but no real ambition.

2. Mr Gives me butterflies
I fancy him a LOT (shallow but he just makes me feel very... You know! blush)
He thinks I am amazing, beautiful and just adores me. (sounds big headed but I know this).
Similar careers so have this in common
Similar sense of humour
Similar interests
Great job and ambition

Don't know him as well - only met 6 months ago and only been on 12 dates (but I am counting!)
He has 2 kids and a difficult ex wife - I have a ds too so it's not a huge con but he does have more baggage so more complicated.
He's short! Shallow I know - not shorter than me but similar height!
His job takes him away overnight most weeks and brings him a moderate level of stress.

help me mumsnetters - I can't date them both anymore! It's just not right!

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:25:35

We only started dating 6 weeks ago... Knew each other properly for 6 months before we started dating. The reason we waited was due to his ex and the situation there. We had worked together a while before but didn't really know each other then iykwim

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:26:47

If 1 wasn't on the scene I would be VERY excited about 2

lastSplash Thu 17-Jan-13 21:26:52

Number 1, but why not carry on as you are for a bit? That way you get to have fun with number 2 until it (inevitably) passes that honeymoon hormone-driven bit...

ethelb Thu 17-Jan-13 21:27:16

No 1. I think he makes you happy and it sounds like no 2 is just a diversion as you have slightly cold feet wink

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:28:28

Don't think I can carry on - I want some sex! Can't be sleeping with them both... Although actually I only really want to sleep with number 2...

wannaBe Thu 17-Jan-13 21:31:23

hmmm. how many women would be happy to be one of two? imagine if a man was posting this, he would be branded a cheating bastard.

kalidanger Thu 17-Jan-13 21:33:36

Are you sure no 2's ex really is as 'difficult' as he says she is? It's often (OFTEN) said that a man's person's attitude toward their ex can tell you a lot about their general attitude to relationships. This might matter, might not.

KumquatMae Thu 17-Jan-13 21:34:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:37:22

It's funny no-one's mentioned the lack of sexual attraction to number 1. I lurk on r'ships board a fair bit and people are often saying that lack of sexual attraction prohibits long term happy relationships...

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:37:56

I mention that as its something which has been concerning me...

worsestershiresauce Thu 17-Jan-13 21:38:05

Difficult ex-wife you say? Chances are he once made her feel beautiful, amazing and just adored, so much so she married and had two children with him. I'd be interested to know what she thinks of him now....

KumquatMae Thu 17-Jan-13 21:38:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 21:43:58

so what are you going to do- ditch 2 and then have sex with no 1 who you don't fancy confused
perhaps date them both but don't settle for either?
but it sounds like you just want to have sex with 2 so why not do that, ditch 1, who you don't fancy anyway, and then just see where it goes with 2, find out more details about the ex wife etc as time goes on

Flojobunny Thu 17-Jan-13 21:48:55

Ah but OP, I have dated guys before and been unsure about the chemistry or lack of it, but once I've actually take it to that next level and gone for it and had sex with them, my mind has completely changed and I realise I do actually fancy the pants off them.
Likewise you might sleep with No. 2 and realise he is completely crap and plain weird in bed!

NomNomDePlumPudding Thu 17-Jan-13 21:49:07

i don't understand it either - if you don't want to shag no.1, you don't want no.1. a partner, temporary or otherwise, is not like a qualification - it doesn't matter what he looks like on paper.

shag no.2, and don't assume anything will come of it, that's my advice.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:49:13

Ex is difficult when it comes to him seeing the children alone. She doesn't like them being away overnight but he wants to have them stay a this from time to time. She's not hugely toxic or anything. Just hurt I think. She didn't want to split up (even though she was openly miserable). I feel bad for her really.

ninah Thu 17-Jan-13 21:59:36

send no 1 my way please

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 22:04:22

A lot of women would kill for number 1 - why don't I feel like that?

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 22:12:03

because hes not right for YOU

Flojobunny Thu 17-Jan-13 22:19:42

Yes I'll take No. 1 thankyou....and if that doesn't make you want to grab him and run, there's your answer.

ArtsMumma Fri 18-Jan-13 03:09:05

I think you like no 2 and want him and you feel like you are being unreasonable by turning down no1 because he seems perfect on paper. He isnt perfect for YOU. So even if there was no-one else on the scene, it wouldn't last. Now, things might not work out with no2, but they might. So it seems to me like no2 is the only option. Thats what you want us all to say! You know it!

Wecanfixit Fri 18-Jan-13 06:40:33

No 2 it seems obvious to me he make you feel something ! but your decision life is short if your looking for security you would pick 1 , but if you want passion fun and a friend it is 2 good luck nice to have the choice!

Branleuse Fri 18-Jan-13 06:54:39

Neither. Number 1 sounds boring. Number 2 sounds like hes still married

As for height. My dp is a similar height to me. I thought it might put me off before I properly met him, but it doesnt actually make the slightest difference.

Branleuse Fri 18-Jan-13 06:56:54

please please dont go for the one youre not actually attracted to. Not fair on either of you. Good on paper is fine if youre hiring someone for a contract. Not for a relationship where I presume youll be pretending youre passionate about him.

AKissIsNotAContract Fri 18-Jan-13 06:59:54

Whichever one is the best shag.

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