Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Which of these men should I get serious with??

(79 Posts)
2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:40:12

I've been dating 2 men for a while and am at the point where I need to make a choice!

Help me!

1. Mr Perfect on paper
He's kind, considerate, would fit in well with my family (I have a ds aged 3)
He treats me really well, not in a flamboyant way but is very thoughtful with little things.
We get on really well.
He's tall dark and handsome.
We have lots of similar interests and similar sense of humour.
We've known each other 7 years and he has good history! Is. "good egg".
No baggage
He's a very modern man so would do his 'fair share'.
Easy going and laid back. Sometimes I find him too laid back but I am highly strung so this is quite good for me.

What you see is what you get - this could be a pro but he isn't very 'deep' so I worry I may get bored.
I don't feel very sexually attracted to him.
He has a fairly good job but no real ambition.

2. Mr Gives me butterflies
I fancy him a LOT (shallow but he just makes me feel very... You know! blush)
He thinks I am amazing, beautiful and just adores me. (sounds big headed but I know this).
Similar careers so have this in common
Similar sense of humour
Similar interests
Great job and ambition

Don't know him as well - only met 6 months ago and only been on 12 dates (but I am counting!)
He has 2 kids and a difficult ex wife - I have a ds too so it's not a huge con but he does have more baggage so more complicated.
He's short! Shallow I know - not shorter than me but similar height!
His job takes him away overnight most weeks and brings him a moderate level of stress.

help me mumsnetters - I can't date them both anymore! It's just not right!

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:41:25

Oh, and mr "gives me butterflies" and I can talk, talk and talk. BUT I haven't known him nearly as long so that could be why!

Perplexing Thu 17-Jan-13 20:43:47

I would go for one I think.

The spark with number 2 may fizzle out. I know it's a tough decision and hard for a stranger to comment... but based on what you have written no 1 sounds more 'long term' somehow.

What does your 'gut' tell you?

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 20:43:51

number 2. Do they know you're dating them both?

Perplexing Thu 17-Jan-13 20:45:51

PS I may be biased as I have recently been seeing a 'no 1' type and it felt great - but he let me down and it all ended very abruptly and I was heartbroken.

Next time I will be looking for long term 'slower burn' 'nice' person.

Softlysoftly Thu 17-Jan-13 20:45:59

Number 2 but unless they know you have made a bad start with both cheating!

Perplexing Thu 17-Jan-13 20:47:01

Sorry I meant to say I have been seeing a 'no 2' type and he was the one who let me down.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:47:34

They may know, we haven't had the "exclusive" conversation but I haven't pro actively told them.

I'm aware he spark with #2 may fizzle out. But the never was really a spark with #1, but he is great long term potential on paper and had many of the qualitites I admire in a man.

I am very confused though!

Xales Thu 17-Jan-13 20:48:07


Have fun and enjoy both of them for what each of them brings you (just be open about it) but carry on looking for one who is right.

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 20:52:23

no 1 being good 'on paper' is no good to you IMO

scarlettsmummy2 Thu 17-Jan-13 20:53:40

12 dates seems pretty serious.

FreakoidOrganisoid Thu 17-Jan-13 20:56:41

Neither. Wait for one who is right for you. If you have to ask which you should pick then neither is for you. IMO

greenpostit Thu 17-Jan-13 20:58:06

Is mr no. 2 a work colleague?
If yes, I'd stop seeing him personally.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:01:50

Number 2 and i worked together a couple of years ago but don't work together now.

Why are some people saying 'neither'? Are their cons too big? No-one is perfect, right?

IslaValargeone Thu 17-Jan-13 21:03:27

Neither. If you picked either one you would be 'settling'.
Why should settle if you don't have to?

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 21:14:01

OP people are saying that because if he seemed like 'mr right' you'd be straight in there and not having this debate, listing pros and cons etc

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:16:56

True. Pause for thought then!

FreakoidOrganisoid Thu 17-Jan-13 21:17:28

I only skimmed your list of points so don't actually know what their pros and cons are. But I just think that if either one was good enough then you wouldn't need to ask which you should choose.

Both are fine for dating but if one doesn't jump out at you then you shouldn't get serious with either. (again, imo)

And I'm far from being someone who believes in 'the one'.

Scrazy Thu 17-Jan-13 21:19:45

How short is no 2? I would go for him if it was me.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:21:22

No 2 is probably 5 ft 8. I am 5ft6

Scrazy Thu 17-Jan-13 21:21:37

They say neither because if you liked no 1 enough you wouldn't be dating no 2, and if no 2 was the one for you, you wouldn't be having this debate.

Scrazy Thu 17-Jan-13 21:22:12

5ft 8 is fine, thought he might have been shorter.

Flojobunny Thu 17-Jan-13 21:22:24

6 months and you are only dating? Can't be that much of a spark then if you haven't made it to the bedroom yet!

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:23:27

blush weeellllll

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 21:24:04

shock taller than you = not too short!
If no 1 wasn't on the scene, how would you feel about no 2 do you think? are you just feeling reluctant to go for it with 2 because of some notion that you have to have known someone for ages, references and so on before you get involved, based on the thing with 1?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: