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should i go back?

(9 Posts)
pleaseletmesmile Mon 14-Jan-13 23:45:08

I had written an email but it seemed to go A.W.O.L so this is the condensed version...........i met a beautiful man in france via a friend in 2010. one year later we were expecting a child and i had an emergengy c -section in a french hospital, without speaking the language which was traumatic. We have a gorgeous wee baby. The father was good but set in his ways((product of an only child...he can be extremely selfish and a total cu*t) I had given up my family, self-emloyed business, friends, etc for this change. 6 months down the line and depression later i moved back to the u.k (with our child-minus father.) we have always kept a good contact, we visit often. He has always wanted us back. I am hating being a single mother, our child is now old enough to make emotional connections and is inconsolible when leaving his dad. I want to do the right thing and make our childs life happy but I worry that my parents (who housed us on our return from france and were such a support) and my friends will say it is a stupid idea to go back. months as a single mother is rubbish but time has made me realise i love him...........i just need advicefrom peoplethat don't know me or my child or have emotional investment:-(x

VBisme Mon 14-Jan-13 23:52:35

Is there any way he could move to the UK?
Do you now speak French? Could you run your business from France?

MerlotforOne Mon 14-Jan-13 23:57:34

Why on earth would you move back to France, leaving your supportive parents and friends behind? If he's always wanted you back, why hasn't he moved here, allowed you to take things slowly, proven that he can be unselfish and un c**t-like?

You going back to him on his terms is merely proving to him that he can get what he wants by being selfish. Your relationship can only get worse from that point - trust me, I'm living it! Oh, and being an only child does not of itself cause selfish c**tishness, being an entitled arse does that!

dequoisagitil Mon 14-Jan-13 23:58:04

What has really changed about the relationship 'though? He is still the same selfish, set in his ways, arsehole that you couldn't live with, isn't he?

What will make it work this time? You loved him last time.

Hating being a single mother doesn't mean you love him.
Ds loving him doesn't mean you'd make a good family unit together.

What is going to make life in France, where presumably you don't have much of a social circle or outside support apart from him, and don't know the language(?) work for you this time?

I don't think deciding you are finding it hard as a LP and your ex looks good in retrospect is doing the right thing for your child. If it all falls apart again or worse, who's going to pick up the pieces - won't it be harder to ask for help from your friends and family a second time? Won't it be harder to disrupt your ds again?

I really think you'd be better looking forward and building a new life, rather than running back to an old one that didn't work.

BakingWithToddler Tue 15-Jan-13 00:00:56

The only child thing is a red herring. I know a few adult only children who are all emotionally literate, thoughtful and kind. AAlso know some total bastards who have siblings. Bottom line is this bloke's selfish and has trotted out the lines to play on the negatives of your current lifestyle and to make you start to think the grass is greener. You know it isn't, you've already been there.

You're in a depressing part of the year, all those images of perfect families and perfect lives on television over Xmas. Life isn't perfect, but it'll be a lot closer to perfect the further away you are from a selfish man whose permanent presence could turn your gorgeous baby into a self centred nightmare.

You had the strength to leave once. IGoing back and realising its a mistake will mean you find it even harder to leave again, you'll put up with more crap in order to avoid the "told you so" that you'll be sure people think. He knows this. Avoid avoid avoid.

pleaseletmesmile Tue 15-Jan-13 00:17:20

Thanks ladies for your honest advice. You are right, I couldn't ask my nearest and dearest, they are biased. I am single, a single mother and completely kacking myself about a future for my son and i. it isn't easy when your confidence is rock bottom but the main thing is that our son is safe and alright x

PureQuintessence Tue 15-Jan-13 00:21:40

You have forgotten all the reasons why you left. You will remember when you go back. So dont. Let him come here and prove he has changed....

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 15-Jan-13 08:27:39

"product of an only child...he can be extremely selfish and a total cu*t"

Don't go back to an abusive man if you're only going to make excuses for his bad behaviour based on prejudice. Like you, I'm the single mother of an only child and I would be appalled if he grew up to be 'extremely selfish and a total cunt'.... hmm. Personally, I take great pride in the fact that my DS is a kind, warm-hearted child and I derive huge pleasure from all his achievements, large or small. I feel very privileged to be a parent.

Find other ways to boost your confidence and you will realise that what you feel for this man is not love. Good luck

Lovingfreedom Tue 15-Jan-13 09:00:04

No. It is no fun being stuck with a selfish c**nt.

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