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when do you start thinking "long term" about a relationship

(6 Posts)
backonline Mon 14-Jan-13 23:21:47

When seeing someone new how soon do you start to think seriously about possible long term issues (ie things like whether you will be able to live together happily if you love pets and he is allergic to fur etc?) I'm newly back on the scene and rather mature and can't remember when it is normal to start to worry about this or even if I should, rather than just seeing how it goes and assuming that we can work something out if it ever gets that far.

PandaOnAPushBike Mon 14-Jan-13 23:37:53

I think it depends on the person you're with. My previous relationship was 4 years long but I don't think I ever reached the point of looking at it long term. When I met my husband it was completely different and long term right from the start.

BertieBotts Mon 14-Jan-13 23:43:18

I think it depends. If there's something screaming at you from the beginning that is going to be a big issue long term (like the pets thing, or if he has a hobby that's likely to take up a lot of space/time that you loathe, etc) then I'd probably be saying that's a dealbreaker, shame, you're nice, but I'm not going to budge on this issue and I don't expect you to give up your position either.

If it's something more minor, like you like period properties while he likes what you consider to be soulless new builds, then I wouldn't be shuffling him off just yet, because that's the kind of thing you can end up compromising on, changing your mind on, or finding something totally different. It's more something you deal with when you get there.

Does that make sense?

izzyizin Mon 14-Jan-13 23:45:24

You always make sense to me, Bertie grin

BunFagFreddie Tue 15-Jan-13 02:31:56

It's such a personal thing. When I started seeing my DP, my main concern was DS, because I had decided that nobody would get anywhere near him unless it was serious. I had been seeing DP for 6 months before he met DS and even then that was with mutual friends and at a carnival.

6 months, was about the time we had that chat about whether we would stay together and if we would be exclusive

I suppose it got really serious at around the 8 to 9 months mark when he started coming to visit and sometimes stayed the night.

I'm so glad we took it slowly, because we really got to know each other. Our difference in sleeping habits is the only real issue we have. So, not bad all in all. Can't have it all.

BertieBotts Tue 15-Jan-13 09:13:12

Oh good because most of the time I don't make sense to me grin

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