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Reasons not to have an affair

(253 Posts)
Callyfornication Sat 12-Jan-13 22:00:53

Ok..... I am 23, he is 33. Ive been single for 5 months and he's married with a baby. Predictably, we work together, and we have to travel to France 1 week every 8 weeks. We went to France 2 weeks ago and on 1 night, after a lot of wine we ended up in his hotel room. Tbh I feel like it's been building up for ages and he's been the one putting the effort in buttttt he is fit and really sweet and I have enjoyed it....

Pleased to report we didn't kiss or shag but he gave it his best shot. I slurred about his marital vows and left.... I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting into that situation and can't guarantee if it happen again I wouldn't do it though, and the sexual tension is sky high. Ive spoken to a couple of mates about it who have all said they would have gone there which has made me feel a bit less guilty (but also less confident of what I'd do if theres a next time).

Advice? Could everyone tell me all the horror stories and worst cases so I don't go there....?

DontmindifIdo Wed 16-Jan-13 15:02:30

Worsestershiresauce - it's really sad isn't it? The guys in question never get a reputation, or if they do, it's not seen as a bad thing.

Meant to see, even when it's a "happily ever after" (I do know 3 couples who met at work and went on to get married) the assumption from bosses was once they were living together, one of them would start looking for a new job. Always the woman left (although to be fair, in all three, the woman was the more junior person), and it always ended up being a sideways career step at best.

Fairypants Wed 16-Jan-13 17:54:29

Firstly, OP, it sounds like you have your head on straight in terms of keeping out of what can only develop into something awkward.
Secondly, I'd like to try to explain why so much anger is aimed at the OW (or potential OW). Other people may have experienced this differently, however, as the wife in a very similar scenario, I feel such an unbelievable amount of pain that there aren't words. Physical, sickening pain whenever I think about it. It is fairly natural to want to blame someone and to vent but I have to see dh and know all his reasons and issues. I have to have an ongoing relationship with him (even if I left, I'd have to negotiate and talk to the kids about him). I don't and will never know her. It is therefore safe to vent in her direction in a completely hysterical manner without any fear of consequences to her or anyone else. I feel you may have got a bit of a taste of that by association which should at least give you an idea of what people would be like if you actually did something.
Thirdly, a reason not to do it - 'my' OW ended it after days because DH clearly felt so bad about it. That can't have been fun for her and wasn't really worth the fallout to everyone concerned (including her).
Finally, I once worked with a guy who was really fit and really sweet and married with a baby. The real reason we all found him so sweet and attractive was because he was the 'perfect' husband and father. When he got off with one of the girls, the shine went!!
I hope you manage to pull yourself out of this situation. It sounds like you have a plan. smile

Looksgoodingravy Wed 16-Jan-13 19:00:06

Great post by Fairy!

The ripples of deceit spread far and wide.

I wouldn't be surprised if the wife already feels something isn't quite right at home. Maybe she's been told all is well, maybe she's been led to believe it's all in her head? Who knows, but you can at least hold your head up high (if you choose the right path) knowing you weren't a part of the cause of that pain and you would be if this continues.

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