Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Reasons not to have an affair

(253 Posts)
Callyfornication Sat 12-Jan-13 22:00:53

Ok..... I am 23, he is 33. Ive been single for 5 months and he's married with a baby. Predictably, we work together, and we have to travel to France 1 week every 8 weeks. We went to France 2 weeks ago and on 1 night, after a lot of wine we ended up in his hotel room. Tbh I feel like it's been building up for ages and he's been the one putting the effort in buttttt he is fit and really sweet and I have enjoyed it....

Pleased to report we didn't kiss or shag but he gave it his best shot. I slurred about his marital vows and left.... I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting into that situation and can't guarantee if it happen again I wouldn't do it though, and the sexual tension is sky high. Ive spoken to a couple of mates about it who have all said they would have gone there which has made me feel a bit less guilty (but also less confident of what I'd do if theres a next time).

Advice? Could everyone tell me all the horror stories and worst cases so I don't go there....?

McNameChange Sat 12-Jan-13 22:03:32

reasons not to have an affair: HE'S MARRIED WITH A BABY.

Because men or women willing to cheat on their partners are arseholes who want the best of both worlds and it will hurt people in the long run

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:03

Yes, read my thread here. See if it's 'horror story' enough for you. It's going to end in absolute disaster. sad

ahmnoclassyladybut Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:14

you can find some pretty good horror stories on here in about 2 mins...

Its not you breaking any promises, its him. OTOH a 33 year old married man with a baby doesn't sound the best catch in the world tbh but its your life.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:22

NoImSpartacus Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:25

You need to find some new mates.

balotelli Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:53

He's a TWAT.

He's willing to cheat on his wife and child.. he would easily cheat on you.

He's a TWAT!!!!!!!!

InTheNightGarden Sat 12-Jan-13 22:06:07

you should have enough self respect to not do it anyway...think of his wife and how you'd feel if you had just had a baby and your husband cheated...
that would be enough for me NEVER to do anything like that regardless of any feelings...

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Sat 12-Jan-13 22:06:48

You will feel like a twat shagging someone who borrows again the trust placed in them. If he is going to shag someone from work right after his wife has had a baby then he is obviously a dick. There are enough people who are fit and sweet and not a dick to make the whole experiment unnecessary.

OhToBeCleo Sat 12-Jan-13 22:07:16

Because it's not worth it.
Because lots of people will get hurt - you included!

NoraLuca Sat 12-Jan-13 22:07:17

If he's willing to cheat then he's an arsehole, end of. If you want to go there anyway, chances are you'll regret it sooner or later.

CointreauVersial Sat 12-Jan-13 22:07:27

You deserve better, OP.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sat 12-Jan-13 22:08:10

You really need answers to that question? You really need someone to point out to you why you don't go there? Blimey.

Callyfornication Sat 12-Jan-13 22:11:35

I didnt go there! & given that we'd shared about 6 bottles of wine, I was legless and he was trying everything, Im pretty sure I wouldn't do it as I didn't then...... But part of our jobs involve being away in hotels and drinking with new clients, so I can't exactl avoid that. I want to make sure I don't. I thought Id get a real telling off from mates about it but didn't....

Thanks everyone, you are being very helpful! grin

BettySuarez Sat 12-Jan-13 22:12:10

How do you feel about this baby now growing up without a father?

Seriously, how does that make YOU feel?

WaynettaSlobsLover Sat 12-Jan-13 22:12:47

I'm your age and I think you need to be a hell of a lot more mature and back off from this obvious loser. He is not the only 'fitttttt' 'sweet' guy in the world. Have some respect for his wife and that innocent little baby, and tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck off. Cannot believe you are even asking the question you asked.

Bazinga12 Sat 12-Jan-13 22:13:20

Maybe think about what you'd want from it long term?

If it works out you'd either be a bit on the side forever, which will eventually make you feel like shit. Or he'd leave his wife and baby for you, so you'd have to be damn sure it's going to go the distance.

If it doesn't work out presumably you'll have to continue working together which won't be fun for either of you.

Either way he's a shitbag.

Cherylkerl Sat 12-Jan-13 22:14:21

Because you'll fall for him
Because you'll feel like shit when he's with his family and spend every big day Eg Christmas alone
Because when te shit hits the fan, you'll be dropped like a hot potato
Because it will make you paranoid about who sees you
Because even if you fall in love with one another and ride off into the sunset, your future looks like this: maintenance payments, hurt ex, not being invited to stepchildrens weddings and birthdays as the OW
Because you'll create a vacancy and never trust him

The chemistry and tension might feel real now but it is artificial. Sex is tempting - they designed it to be like that. In reality, he spends half an hour on the shitter, farts, leaves the toilet seat up, picks his nose ad infinitum

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Sat 12-Jan-13 22:14:27

But now you are sober aren't you thinking he is a slimy creep?

fwiw I would love a no strings anonymous shag in a hotel room with a 23 yo but I don't make any effort to get one because I love not being a total loser more.

Numberlock Sat 12-Jan-13 22:17:32

So don't drink, keep the client meetings professional, make your excuses as early as possible, go to your room and switch your phone off. It's not difficult if you really do want to resist him...

Also, am I the only one who doesn't believe you haven't already had sex with him? Really, after that much wine?

WaynettaSlobsLover Sat 12-Jan-13 22:18:02

i advise buying a good dildo if you are that sexually frustrated. smile He on the other hand needs a slap with one.

DoodlesNoodles Sat 12-Jan-13 22:20:06

This is why you shouldn't drink if you can't trust yourself not to get into awkward situations. Are you flirting with him? If anyone flirts with me I am very clear that it is not welcomed.

I would find someone who was happy to cheat on their wife and baby repulsive.

Well done for not actually taking things further.

DoodlesNoodles Sat 12-Jan-13 22:23:40

I don't think it is safe to drink that much and go back to a blokes room.

It is a really stupid and irresponsible thing to do.

SparkleSoiree Sat 12-Jan-13 22:25:02

You have more self-respect than to sleep with another woman's husband?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now