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Come and tell me the appropriate response to this dickhead

(72 Posts)
Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 14:49:46

I'm a bit rusty at the dating game, but clearly the good old dickhead is still alive and well.

After having declared undying love, this particular dickhead is now cooling off, not returning calls or emails, (let alone calling or emailing me), not texting etc.

After being pursued so hotly, I am now the one in danger of seeming needy and stalkerish, but would just like sone answers.

Maybe it's just come at a time when I am feeling vulnerable... but it's really upsetting me and knocking my (what was newly restored) confidence.

He is just a dickhead who deserves to be forgotten - right?!

akaemmafrost Fri 11-Jan-13 20:19:41

For your day out If not Legoland then Windsor itself? Beautiful Castle, great shops, river, loads to do. Take a scooter and let ds scoot down The Long Walk.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 19:40:22

Thank you LadyWordy - those are real words of comfort.

Thanks for the day out suggestions so far - Bath a possibility - more welcomed.

ladyWordy Fri 11-Jan-13 19:38:25

This'll sound awful, but when a man declares undying love on the basis of relatively little acquaintance, he is faking it. Or something else is wrong: but it isn't real.

So if you want to sharpen up your BS detector, be very wary of those who are all over you like a rash in 5 mins and telling you everything you want to hear. It sounds great, but is usually the exact opposite. They're not nice guys at all. IMO Erik's analysis is spot-on.

For the record, I don't think you're mad and needy at all – that's the effect these people have! The thing is not to act on how you feel.

I hope you find something absorbing to take your mind off it. Don't be hard on yourself, it's going to hurt like heck for a while.

lemonstartree Fri 11-Jan-13 19:33:13

lego land ?

NorksAreMessy Fri 11-Jan-13 19:22:38

is DS too little to go and potter round Bath and the roman baths? tea in the tearooms?

ImperialBlether Fri 11-Jan-13 19:15:40

This happened to me and the only thing that worked was to train myself to say "Fuck off, NameOfMan" every time he came into my mind. Obviously I said it under my breath if I wasn't alone! It did work, even though I had to say it several hundred times, but now when I think of him my automatic response is "Fuck off."

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 18:54:05

PS I am feeling so angry now (a) for what he;s done but also for what I have sunk to. Onwards and upwards indeed.

And a bid thank you to the poster who mentioned the 'why men love bitches' advice - spot on and what I would normally live by - but sometimes rejection does funny things to your head.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 18:52:11

Thanks all.

I really fancy a nice day out somewhere with DS (5) tomorrow - any suggestions for somewhere? I live 100 miles west of London - on m4 corridor. Ideally something indulgent for me but which won't bore pants off DS. ( Tricky combination I know)...

hoopieghirl Fri 11-Jan-13 18:49:40

I was dumped by my BF of 16 months by one text when he was on holiday no warning nothing !! He refused to answer my texts some ppl can just switch their feelings off. I knew I would be tempted to lose my dignity so deleted his number, for a few weeks was soo diff but 5 months down the line I am happier than ever I was and with a new man ;) there is life after this but u need to stop the texting absolutely no good will come of it X

imFINEthanks Fri 11-Jan-13 18:32:33


Try googling the baggage reclaim site. I'd link but I'm crap at that.

Also, I had one like that years ago. Decided he didn't want me after all, when I hit a particularly difficult patch in my life. A few months later he suddenly showed up at my door. I let him in and we had coffee and a nice chat. Then he said "shall we go to bed then?" (yes, he really did!). I said "no thanks". He said "ok. Call me a cab then". I said "you're a cab. now phone your own fucking taxi" and I showed him the door. (yes, I really did say that).

You're well, well rid. But you know that now. grin

NorksAreMessy Fri 11-Jan-13 18:22:43

hello perp
I just popped in to say I agree with the MN jury that he is a wankbadger and best forgotten.
Dignity is your friend here, tits and teeth with your nose in the air smile

What is the thing that you are most proud of being able to do? Is there something that you can do for someone else? That always makes people feel better about themselves and will be a distraction that actually builds your confidence.

Meanwhile, tits and teeth and dignity smile

OhWesternWind Fri 11-Jan-13 18:13:32

Might sound a bit odd, but try researching your family tree online. Can get very addictive and time consuming.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 17:58:38

Tyrannosaurus - thanks. I doubt he will be coming back to me anyway...

Does anyone have any more suggestions on good stuff to do to take my mind off him? Work PT and free time is limited due to childcare.

I feel down and negative and really could do with some more ideas to inspire me. Things which will be absorbing - scrubbing a cupboard is a good one - any other tips which people have found useful??

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 17:57:42

Tyrannosaurus - thanks. I doubt he will be coming back to me anyway...

Does anyone have any more suggestions on good stuff to do to take my mind off him? Work PT and free time is limited due to childcare.

I feel down and negative and really could do with some more ideas to inspire me. Things which will be absorbing - scrubbing a cupboard is a good one - any other tips which people have found useful??

TyrannosaurusBex Fri 11-Jan-13 17:02:49

perplexing, cross my heart!

He swept me off my feet years earlier, love bombed me until I was utterly besotted and then...nothing. I was heartbroken. I made an eejit of myself turning up at his local by myself and being ignored for a few weeks until my lovely friends staged an intervention.

It was about a year before he made his first attempt to get me back. I hadn't really moved on but I said no, and it then became his life's ambition to get back into my knickers (she said modestly). You wouldn't believe me if I told you some of his stunts.

Anyway, ever since then I've really taken notice of what happens after these peculiar coolings off (I've witnessed a few) and if the woman keeps her cool, the men always return to the scene of the crime. Without fail. At which point, the women can decide what they want to do.

Doesn't help much right now, but trust auntie Tyrannosaurus grin

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:55:26

Narked smile - thank you, I suspect that is the only correct one.

Narked Fri 11-Jan-13 16:54:00

True. May I proffer the explanation that he's a cock.

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 16:52:01

Oh - just seen your 16:47 post!

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 16:51:30

He hasn't died has he?!

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:47:59

I know Narked... I suppose it's human nature to look for an explanation though.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:47:25

And by the way I know there's no rational explanation - i.e. that he's fallen ill etc - as I have called his work number - he was (naturally) too 'busy' to talk at that time. Funny how he had so much time to spare in the preceding weeks.

Narked Fri 11-Jan-13 16:46:37

You could drive yourself mad looking for reasons.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:44:56

Tyrannosaurus shock - really?!

Glad you didn't marry him (the loser that is).

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:43:44

Just a normal everyday email, I've gone back and looked through them countless times! <slaps wrist>

We were discussing tea of all things - and the future and where I was thinking of moving to. Nothing untoward, no clues that I can see.

TyrannosaurusBex Fri 11-Jan-13 16:43:33

You know what the most surprising thing is that I've learned about men? It's simply this: when a man goes off a woman for no good reason, and she just goes on her merry (eventually!) way being the same nice person she always was, they ALWAYS come crawling back eventually. Always. Every time.

Of course, you don't want them when they do. But it's worth bearing in mind.

I had a very similar experience to yours when I was 27. Six years later, having seen my engagement in the paper, he showed up in the lobby of the very posh bank where I worked, begging me to break it off and run away with him.

Reader, I didn't marry him.

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