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Come and tell me the appropriate response to this dickhead

(72 Posts)
Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 14:49:46

I'm a bit rusty at the dating game, but clearly the good old dickhead is still alive and well.

After having declared undying love, this particular dickhead is now cooling off, not returning calls or emails, (let alone calling or emailing me), not texting etc.

After being pursued so hotly, I am now the one in danger of seeming needy and stalkerish, but would just like sone answers.

Maybe it's just come at a time when I am feeling vulnerable... but it's really upsetting me and knocking my (what was newly restored) confidence.

He is just a dickhead who deserves to be forgotten - right?!

Leverette Fri 11-Jan-13 14:55:01

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HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 11-Jan-13 14:56:15

The appropriate response is to say nothing to him, and proceed to have a fantastic life.

It's not a scathing retort, but it really is the best thing to do.

Yes, he deserves to be forgotten.

jaffacake2 Fri 11-Jan-13 14:57:13

Sadly there seems alot of them around !!!
I think that there seems a boost to some mens self esteem to catch and sleep with a woman.Then the adrenaline stops and they dissappear onto the next woman.
Did you meet him online ?
Last month I was just the same with a guy who kept texting undying love for me but then the text came that he wasnt ready for a relationship. Just like you I feel rejected and hurt.
I think you just have to move on and be ready next time not to be vulnerable to prats.Tricky though when you feel you care for someone.

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 14:58:41

Yes this type of d*ckhead is fairly a-typical - dives straight in/full-on, then back tracks almost as quickly as he blundered his way into your life.

Watch out for this type of behaviour in future and avoid it- but don't let him knock your confidence.

Write a list of his flaws, dust yourself down and plan a night out with the girls smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 11-Jan-13 15:02:55

Definitely a dickhead smile I don't know why these people behave the way they do. Seen one too many rom-coms? Think the only way to get a shag is to declare undying love? Subscribe to the adage 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen'? Or they've just graduated from Twat Academy with honours?

Delete his number, ignore calls (which will come when he feels lonely one day and thinks you might be up for it) and get out there with your mates. I think you have to meet a few of these to sharpen up your antennae.


izzyizin Fri 11-Jan-13 15:26:45

Treat him with the contempt he deserves, which means giving no visible or verbal sign that he's anything other than something nasty you trod in a nonentity.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 15:43:05

Thanks all.

I met him in RL not online. We hadn't slept together - it seemed so genuine and about feelings emotions not just sex - that's what makes it more hurtful / confusing.

I am afraid I have already sent too many messages and with each message that goes unreplied to - feel further hurt and rejected.

I need to stop this cycle but it's so hard - as I do genuinely want a resaponse.

I am aware, the more I contact him, the less likely I am to receive a response. I know I should forget him but it is hard as I did care for him. It is also a terrible blow to my confidence and I am starting to comfort eat etc... sad angry

Longdistance Fri 11-Jan-13 15:48:06

I used to get this when I was single. I did both meet men in rl, and through the internet.

Just delete his number, and move on. I seemed to find they crawled back later on down the line, and then I couldn't be bothered with them, as moved on to the next fella wink

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 11-Jan-13 15:48:58

Step away from the biscuit tin!!!!! smile I know you want answers but eating doesn't solve anything. Do you have any friends you can call up and ask round for a brew and a moan? A cupboard that needs scrubbing? Keep yourself busy and try to put this man out of your head.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 15:54:39

I wish I could move on. I just don't feel I have the confidence. I have very low confidence and self esteem, I only seem to be able to feel good when someone paye me attention sad. I tried to talk to my friend about it but I think it was a bit too heavy for her and she backed away <unhelpful> - so have not bothered her again.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 15:55:56

I've been so naive haven't I - to believe what he said?!

Any scathing responses I can send to him??

Or should I just resolve to put what I have said behind me and vow not to contact him again?

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 15:58:55

Well pour it out on here and you will get good advice smile

One thing I find is helpful is filling up your weeks with lots of plans so that you don't have any time to wallow. What about focusing on a fitness drive and learning a new skill or hobby - this would give you something else to focus on other than him, increase your confidence and increase opportunities to meet lovely new people? smile

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 16:00:31

How about: 'Cowardly of you to just cut me off without explanation. I am thankful your true colours showed sooner rather than later.'

patienceisvirtuous Fri 11-Jan-13 16:01:32

BUT - I would send nothing. Concentrate on making your life lovely and forget him - he is a waster - and if he treats people like that i.e. as disposable, he is not worth knowing. Be glad you dodged that bullet.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:02:20

Patience - thankls - I do need a distraction. The only snag is when I've tried that approach in the past I've gone into it thinking 'aha this is a distraction from so-and-so' and not for the sake of the activity itself - which has sort of been counter productive as it used to remind me of the dickhead in quetsion...rather than helping me forget.

Hoping that doesn't sound too mad!

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 11-Jan-13 16:02:33

Look, don't contact him again. Please bear in mind that if you keep texting and phoning someone who is making it very, very clear that s/he doesn't want to have anything to do with you, there is a possibility of you being reported for harassment/stalking, which would be profoundly humiliating.

He doesn't owe you a relationship, or even a response. It's possible that he percieved you as too vulnerable and needy and that's why he decided to cut contact with you. You do sound vulnerable, and I would advise you to stop dating for the moment and seek a few sessions of counselling. While you are desperate for love and affection, your self esteem and boundaries are in poor shape and you are likely to put off decent men and be an absolute magnet for horrible ones.

shine0ncrazydiamond Fri 11-Jan-13 16:02:56

Good God girl - STOP texting answer IS your answer.

I know this stuff is difficult but you are making yourself look needy, desperate and bonkers - which I shall assume is not the look you were hoping for? Every message you send him reinforces < to him > that his decision to go quiet on you was the right one.

mumof4sons Fri 11-Jan-13 16:03:26

Do not text or call him! It is hard, but just don't do it. Keep telling yourself that you deserve to be treated so much better than this.

When I first started dating after many years of marriage, a friend got me a copy of the book 'Why Men love Bitches', it is quite a humorous guide to dating. I highly recommend it. Don't take it too seriously, but some of the advice is spot on.

And as Cog said your antennae need sharpening again. You'll be picking out the dickheads before you know it. And as the saying goes 'You may need to kiss (possibly shag) a lot of frogs before you find the prince.'

shine0ncrazydiamond Fri 11-Jan-13 16:05:52

And go very careful.. you could be straying into harassment waters if you continue. You will not feel better if he sends back ' Sorry, I just don't want a relationship with you ' or suchlike, because it then opens a dialogue in which you fire further questions at him. He < probably wisely > doesn't want this.

I second the recommendation re counselling.

laleila Fri 11-Jan-13 16:06:17

Just don't reply. He simply isn't worth it and with each message you send him your self-esteem takes a hit and his gets a boost. Step away from the phone and the biscuit tin and just accept this as a lesson learnt, albeit soon. You'll know next time not to believe all the crap because if they start talking like this very early on, its a red flag anyway.

onwards and upwards smile

HecatePropolos Fri 11-Jan-13 16:06:36

You aren't going to get an answer. That is hard to accept but what could he possibly say at this point that would make you feel better? He's hardly going to come back and tell you how much he wants to be with you, is he? He's scarpered like a coward without the guts to even tell you that he's not interested in going any further. The only thing you're likely to hear is reasons why he doesn't want to be with you. You feel like your confidence has taken a battering now? Think how you'd feel after his response?!

Just delete his number. Make sure you have no way to contact him at all. Chalk it up to experience. NEVER bombard someone with texts and emails again - people are never going to respond well to that!

And as others say, get out and do stuff. Join a club. A class. Anything.

But prepare yourself for him coming back. If he is a game player, then he was chasing for the fun of it. When you started to be keen, it was no longer fun. When you started to get (in his mind!) clingy and needy ( that's how these guys think!) he backed off. If you drop off the face of the earth, he may well start up again. For the ego boost.

Beware of that.

If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't only want you when it appears you don't want him.

Perplexing Fri 11-Jan-13 16:07:30

>>I know this stuff is difficult but you are making yourself look needy, desperate and bonkers -<<

^ yes I am all too painfully aware of that sadly! (and I probably am)...

I know you mean well / is good advice, but it is hard!

Good grief, a couple of weeks ago he 'loved' me. (Or said he did - lies I guess!)

Lueji Fri 11-Jan-13 16:09:18

He is just a dickhead who deserves to be forgotten - right?!

Well, yes.

Move on.

akaemmafrost Fri 11-Jan-13 16:09:34

I got dumped by text earlier this year by someone i really liked and had felt very close to. i was gutted, i really was. I sought advice on here and was told categorically not to respond. I didn't listen though and texted him that he was spineless to do it by text. 6 months on and over it, I wish with all my heart that I had listened to the advice on here.

You cannot make him want to be with you by texting him, it won't pay him back, as hard as it is to hear he doesn't care and nothing you can do will bother him.

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