Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

it's a new dawn, it's a new day dating thread 36!

(1000 Posts)
lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 12:30:38

Post away daters x

lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 15:25:03

joyless I am going to do that, it was only my 2nd session yesterday and the first one was before christmas and was more of scene setting one. Maybe I was a bit naive in thinking I was going to just leave it all at the door hmm

JoylessFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 15:26:59

OWW how about you tell him (either on the phone or face-to-face) that you'd like him to know more about your past and how it affects your behaviour now, but that you find it difficult to talk about in person. Then ask if he'd be OK with you e-mailing him. I know you mentioned messaging (and I assume you meant text) but its such a big subject that it could be a) enormously disruptive to him and b) if he isn't able to respond appropriately and/or quickly enough, you may feel vulnerable.

Again, just my thoughts which you can ignore if they don't fit.

JoylessFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 15:29:33

Not naive at all lulu ... we've all been there smile and it being the second session certainly explains why you were so ambushed. May be as well to let the lovely Mr ExArmy know that too. Awareness is a large part of the battle - both for you and for others in your life.

OhWesternWind Fri 11-Jan-13 15:42:15

Thanks Lulu and Joyless. I think I am actually going to bite the bullet and talk to him about it as otherwise I will get so wound up not seeing his reaction, but I am going to have to open the door by texting I think, otherwise I will perpetually chicken out. Thank you both for the suggestions of what to say. I WILL do this today. Or tomorrow. grin

Thank you everyone, very very much.

JoylessFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 15:49:26

No change in my dating world - there's a regular supply of hot coffee from Mr Unavailable and Mr Normal which is most enjoyable and a pleasant distraction but when what you want is a proper relationship and there just aren't the candidates ... Ho hum, ain't that always the way.

I've realised that I'm very good at listening to people's woes, but only seem to share mine with a therapist or with 'my man' (when in a relationship). Luckily my training requires that I'm in weekly therapy, but its not the same as having a hug whilst pouring out your worries (as Velvet has said most eloquently).

JoylessFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 15:51:33

OWW maybe don't force yourself to unburden yourself all at once, just set yourself the task of opening the door. One step at a time eh? Good luck with it, I'm sure you'll find him a good listener (and a good hugger).

JulietteMontague Fri 11-Jan-13 15:59:01

Joy I know why, it's because everything else is there. His pouncing is pouncing though, it's all a bit Benny Hill. That would put me off rrgardless, I am aware that if I don't want to this time that not being fair to either of us so its either try it out or call a halt.

It is an art exhibition, my choice and free grin

JulietteMontague Fri 11-Jan-13 16:05:43

Should have said everything else is there for the first time in 35 or so dates.

Scrazy Fri 11-Jan-13 16:23:17

Place marking to catch up later. I've got a long weekend and not much planned sad. Also my stomach is churning over thinking about the one I've ended it with. It's been less than 3 weeks but wish he would get outta ma head!

Bant, how are you feeling?

Western, I wouldn't make a date to bring up all your past as such, let things flow naturally and maybe open up a bit more when you are chatting about serious stuff.

JoylessFucker Fri 11-Jan-13 16:27:09

Yes, the everything else being there must be really frustrating. Enjoy the art!

Yogagirl17 Fri 11-Jan-13 16:38:16

Just place marking, will try and pop back later to catch up properly...if I can stay awake. This working lark is tough! wink

grinchie Fri 11-Jan-13 16:54:34

Afternoon all & hello new thread.

OhWesternWind Fri 11-Jan-13 17:46:51

Have done it, texted then he phoned so we've even talked about it a bit. He is bloody lovely. I think he thought I was going to finish it. We're going to have a talk once he's back home (he's away for a couple of days) - his suggestion. He's going to ring later to make sure I'm okay. So glad it's alright. Feel like there's a weight off my shoulders

lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 17:51:39

western so pleased for you, the fear is often worse than the reality!

OhWesternWind Fri 11-Jan-13 18:08:25

We are a right pair eh Lulu! Still we're both moving in the right direction. We'll get there sooner or later and it looks like we've found a couple of good 'uns.

lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 18:18:57

we are!! and I agree ..... but you know, I'm sitting here knowing I won't see him till Monday and have just received a couple of jokey texts and I feel like shit because .... I don't even know why, he's trustworthy, decent, lovely and good but when I'm not with him I doubt everything!!! What a hangover from the past to get over! more wine probably isn't the answer but tonight its me, DD, dominos and a full glass x

OhWesternWind Fri 11-Jan-13 18:24:43

I know exactly. I do. Even when I've just seen him I can almost physically feel that good feeling slipping away when I'm driving home. I'm going to try and fight it and not give those thoughts headroom but it's very hard.

ike1 Fri 11-Jan-13 18:29:16

Hey Lulu and dont forget Hirsute Hunks ...incase you need some visuals to help you relax further....x

lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 18:49:57

yep nothing like a gorilla to take your mind off stuff!

BillMasen Fri 11-Jan-13 19:01:23

Date tonight with the geek girl. Number 3. I'm looking forward to it as she's nice, we get on well and I have no doubt we'll have a good time. It's all moving incredibly slowly due to child based inability to co-ordinate diaries, but that's fine. Feels like a chilled out catch up rather than a proper date.

In other sweet trolley news, moon girl texted on tues asking if she could call me for a catch up. I said later as I was busy, then nothing since. Meh.

Non OD related, but isn't it quite nice to have a but of a crush at someone at work. Nice bit of office flirting and feeling like a teenager when you bump into each other by the coffee machine. I'll call her MP and whilst I know it's a mutual crush (drunk work night out) it has zero chance of being any more so I think we're just enjoying the slight tension.

lulubellaboozle Fri 11-Jan-13 19:34:33

western I'm glad it's not just me, when he drives off, literally as he pulls away this coldness pulls at me inside, and driving away from his after having an amazing night or weekend I feel like crying.

It sounds so screwed up, even when I type it, I think, what will people make of that? I guess it's all tied up with self esteem and insecurity and yet, like you, most people who know me, bar my very closest friends would describe me as very confident, outgoing, bubbly etc and even my closest friends don't know it all. It is some comfort to know other people feel like that too.

mercury7 Fri 11-Jan-13 19:42:51

another one already!!grin
prompted by JoylessI'm going to look up 'therapeutic writing journal' I'm a long term journal writer so hopefully it shouldn't be too much of a stretch.

My dating news is no real change, I cant see me seriously looking for another fwb unless an existing one goes AWOL

no office flirting for mesad I work from home

Scrazy Fri 11-Jan-13 19:43:52

Bill, hope you have a lovely date.

Lulu, OWW, chill. A great night/weekend should have you grinning from ear to ear.

Scrazy Fri 11-Jan-13 19:45:32

Didn't mean that to sound flippant!

mercury7 Fri 11-Jan-13 19:48:24

lulu I've felt like that plenty times in the past but these days I'm relieved when they leave...
I still have loads of insecurities, does he really like me, will i see him again, blah blah, I often wish it could be over so I could put it behind me and stop wresting with all the bloody angst

This thread is not accepting new messages.