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would you date a transgendered man?

(481 Posts)
ecofreeek Thu 10-Jan-13 19:02:47

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sat 19-Jan-13 22:00:04

I don't think there's anything so awful about considering whether or not you want to have sex with someone, and if you're not sure you do, examining why that's so. Someone asking, for instance, if s/he was wrong for hesitating over a possible sexual relationship with a member of a different ethnic group from his/her own might find it worthwhile unpicking whether the reluctance was down to prejudice or fear of having to deal with other people's prejudice - or just not being particularly sexually attracted to the other person. I think that might have been part of what the OP wanted to discuss when she started the thread.

CrunchyFrog Thu 17-Jan-13 19:08:04

I was quite disappounted to realise I was 100% hetero. It took actually going ahead and having sex with a woman to confirm it.
Very strange, I'd always thought I was bi, but I'm not. I like sex with men, lesbian sex wss perfectly pleasant but just not "right" for me.
I don't choose to have sex with people in possession of female genitalia at this time.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 19:04:27

Got a link Hully

Italian TV won't oblige, has it been youtubed or is it in print?

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 18:34:46

I did. Good - but horribly apologetic which made me a bit sad to see.

Hullygully Thu 17-Jan-13 18:28:39

Anyone seen Suzanne oore today?

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 17:00:29

Oh, they don't all annoy me! Loads of psychologists are brilliant. I just think that psychology as a discipline has a disproportionate influence on the media, and the media isn't very good at interpreting psychological research.

There are a couple of psychologists I can think of who I genuinely think are charlatans (and I know psychology profs who tell me this, too), but there are also loads of good ones.

<off to google John Money>

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:54:12

Actually maybe his name still crops up on discussions about gender.

John Money. He came up with the "bodymind" concept in the late 80s.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:48:14

It's one of those people that annoy you with their shoddy statistic and falsiwotnot theories...


LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 16:39:23


I'm not likely to explode, I promise! grin

Go ahead.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:35:39


Want to guess what that docs speciality was ?

<steps back from exploding Dragon>

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:34:22

I'm not attracted to fanjos in any way whatsoever, but if I reaaaaalllly liked the person maybe I could work with it.

The thing is, trying to put myself in somebody else's shoes, I am not sure how happy or comfortable I would be in a sexual/romantic encounter or relationship if somebody was trying to "work with it". When then "it" was a fundamental part of me involved in the sex act.

For example, I would be extremely leery of going to bed with a gay man who despite my not being his usual type, liked me lots and was "open" to the idea of "working with" a vagina.

Which I think comes down to another personal failing grin I am just too flaming needy and too paranoid to get down to business where somebody could suddenly feel that it wasn't working for them and change their mind in the middle, or I might have to see them visibly steeling themselves to "work with it".

I don't think I am emotionally robust enough for that sort of possibility. I'd be crushed if it didn't end well.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 16:28:25

Every kind of human misery, there's some sick bastard taking advantage.

CheerfulYank Thu 17-Jan-13 16:26:56

Holy shit! shock I've read about David before but didn't know that.

That was part of the Law and Order: SVU episode though.

Sickening and so sad.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 16:23:43

That is absolutely sick.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:18:29

Found it, David Reimer

Transistioned to female aged 22 months, rejected femine identity from aged 9. Lived as a male from 15, killed himself before he was 40"

Bloody hell!

"Dr. Money forced the twins to rehearse sexual acts involving "thrusting movements" with David playing the bottom role.[4] As a child, David Reimer painfully recalled having to get "down on all fours" with his brother, Brian Reimer, "up behind his butt" with "his crotch against" his "buttocks".[4] In another sexual position, Dr. Money forced David to have his "legs spread" with Brian on top.[4] Dr. Money also forced the children to take their "clothes off" and engage in "genital inspections".[4] On at "least one occasion", Dr. Money took a photograph of the two children doing these activities.[4] Dr. Money's rationale for these various treatments was his belief that "childhood 'sexual rehearsal play'" was important for a "healthy adult gender identity".[4]"

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 16:15:51

loq - well, indeed. There aren't enough posts left on this thread (and there's over 500) for me to say what I reckon to him, so ...

It is appallingly sad about the twins. Imagine having a constant reminder in your twin, too. sad

CheerfulYank Thu 17-Jan-13 16:13:37

That poor guy, the one whose parents raised him as a girl. sad There was an interesting SVU episode involving that as well.

If we're still on the original question...I honestly dunno. I'm not attracted to fanjos in any way whatsoever, but if I reaaaaalllly liked the person maybe I could work with it.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:13:17

It's just the term he likes to use

Well bully for him hmm

Male brains are genuius and women are only genius if they have a male brains ?


I saw a docu on a pair of male twins, there was an accident during circ, so one twin lost his penis and was immediatly brought up as a girl becuase the docs at the time insisted. He killed himself too I think.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 16:07:40

I've certainly heard of research that's done things like that pipsy. I'm not very well up on it, but I think the issue is, you can find correlations, but is correlation the same as causation?

I would be fascinated to know whether, say, rad fems or lesbians or women who did well at maths and science, also had seemingly 'male' brains. There's a lot of research into this sort of thing - Simon Baron-Cohen has a theory that (to paraphrase rudely) says the typical male brain is a genius ... except some women have male brains. But it's still a male brain!

It's just the term he likes to use.

It's tricky, because whenever someone interprets data, they put their own slant on it, and it's very hard to tell what's innate and what might have been shaped by nurture, or even by the preconceptions of the person running the experiment.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 16:03:39

Anyway, this feels like a diversion so i'll bugger off again.

Oh! But it's interesting. And it is sort of relevent if the common belief is "it's in the brain!"... but that might not actually be the case.

It is kind of hard for lay people to work out which facts they are hearing are fact facts, or sort of simplified facts, or disputed facts if they have no,idea how all the diciplines work.

I have a new respect for gender studies. It always sounded a bit flaky to me, I had no idea that, it covered so many diciplines and had to be looked at from so many angles with loads of "ologies" involved.

Pipsytwos Thu 17-Jan-13 15:59:39

I just remember the nature vs nurture thing and that at some point or another I watched a video that had something about brain slices and there being a bigger 'dark spot' in one of the genders. I remember it specifically saying that they sliced the brains of transgendered people and that they were right that they were born in the wrong body. I'm like 99.9999% sure that this was said. Keeping in mind though that it was a levels and I didn't pass psychology [scepticle]

msrisotto Thu 17-Jan-13 15:56:27

There's neuropsychology, and neuropsychiatry. Psychiatrists prescribe drugs, psychologists don't and tend more to investigate how the brain looks links to how we acts/think/feel. Anyway, this feels like a diversion so i'll bugger off again. But point well made that there is good and bad psychology research.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:53:58

loq - ohhh ... yes, I've read about people who don't have half their brain. Amazing, but terrifying.

I am not a very scientific person. I couldn't design an experiment to save my life.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:53:07

There must be a huge trauma to growing up to find out your parents assigned you a gender at birth. Especially because I think it used to be considered good practice not to tell the child and to perform surgery so they looked like a normal girl - but then you can impair someone's sexual function. It's horribly sad.

Loquace Thu 17-Jan-13 15:52:59

re-utilize bits of the brain if the bit they need has been damaged

ohh, like this little girl who lost half her brain and it sort of ...managed without a whole half

Is there a specific sort of brain you need to study psychology ? grin

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