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When does cock lodging become emotional abuse?

(8 Posts)
raspberryroop Wed 09-Jan-13 20:53:28

I have a close friend who I feel is cocklodging - he thinks he living his dream of trying to be a Rock God. He is young 20 and his partner is older (his ex teacher ) and she does believe in his talent but she is suffering for a MH issue but has had to return to work because of the money situation while he sits a home being the tortured artist. When does it become emotional abuse ? and would you say anything?

SorryMyCandyCaneLollipop Wed 09-Jan-13 21:39:22

His partner is his ex teacher?!!! Do her employers know? She has abused her position of trust.

As a teacher I am not even allowed to have email/facebook contact with ex pupils EVER because of the nature of my earlier professional relationship with them, the dynamic is still there.

I can't see any signs of emotional abuse from him to her in your OP. She may be happy with the situation, it's her choice.

I am shock that you consider this to be their biggest issue.

HollyBerryBush Wed 09-Jan-13 21:45:21

His partner is his ex teacher?!!! Do her employers know? She has abused her position of trust.

If he's in his 20's and they re-met later there is no ethical bar to a relationship

As a teacher I am not even allowed to have email/facebook contact with ex pupils EVER because of the nature of my earlier professional relationship with them, the dynamic is still there.

Thats is a school/LA specific directive not legislation.

Back to the Op - if each partner in the relationship is happy with the relationship - it's not your business to speculate. Would you have the same conccerns if it were a 20 something dolly bird living off an older bloke?

Are her MH issues a direct result of the relationship? Does he do the home stuff? She clearly likes the realtionship and is getting some milage out of a younger bloke.

SorryMyCandyCaneLollipop Wed 09-Jan-13 22:04:41

HollyBerryBush - I think it's up to her employers to determine the ethical status of this relationship.

I have my views and professional guidance, you have yours, neither of us know the full facts so speculating when/how the relationship may have begun is pointless.

OP - Why are you so concerned? Is your friend the cocklodger or the cocklodgee?

raspberryroop Wed 09-Jan-13 22:28:31

Friend of the cocklodger - wont go into their circumstances but no I'm not entirely comfortable with that either but do think its their business not mine. The MH issues are not due to the relationship but are why I'm concerned as I have close experience of serious job related stress and how it can affect people long term. I have not said anything as she is a grown woman.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 22:51:38

Emotional abuse would be if Mr Rock God was bullying his partner psychologically or exhibiting very controlling, manipulative behaviour designed to bring her low. The set-up you describe sounds very stressful for your friend. She's clearly not getting much support either practically or emotionally. Her health is not good. I'm sure there is some manipulation going on for an intelligent woman to not see that this guy is taking the piss. But whether it's emotional abuse or just good old-fashioned 'exploitation' is debatable.

raspberryroop Wed 09-Jan-13 22:54:58

Cogito - I'm sure there is - not sure its my business though and will just keep out of it

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 09-Jan-13 23:57:55

It sounds like there is exploitation on both sides. All sounds horribly unhealthy.

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