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Feeling shaken over DH's overreaction to my stupid behaviour

(257 Posts)
WonkyBookshelf Wed 09-Jan-13 18:29:37

Toddler and I were sat on the floor playing. I was feeling a bit ignored by DH, who was sitting at the computer while we played, so I jokingly chucked the wet nappy I'd just changed at him (it was balled up). My aim is shit so I accidentally caught his glasses and knocked them off (was aiming for his chest).

I fully expected him to be pissed off by my frankly stupid behaviour, but he totally overreacted. He shouted something incoherent and threw the nappy really hard at the floor, where it burst and covered DS and I in those little gel balls it's filled with. DS was upset by the mess as he got some in his hair and it was all over me.

I feel sick and a bit shaky but also stupid because I should never have thrown the nappy at him in the first place. Things have been quite tense recently as we are both feeling stressed so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he wouldn't have found it funny, even if it hadn't knocked his glasses off. But still, he was disproportionately angry and I hate that DS saw that. I'm also 7.5 months pregnant sad.

MardyArsedMidlander Thu 10-Jan-13 13:29:04

I think that the problem with any sort of physical horseplay is that it can get out of hand, and if the other person is not in the right mood- then there will be tears and shouting and much misunderstandings. Far better if you are angry with your partner, to tell them.
Frankly, if I'd been hit in the face I'd go bloody ballistic- and it wouldn't be very edifying for anybody...

MTBMummy Thu 10-Jan-13 13:01:13

Just wanted to add my support for the OP if she ever comes back.

I completely understand that level of horsing around as DP and I have done it ourselves.

I think your DP's reaction was disproportionate if this is the way you normally just muck about.

Hoping you do find a way to resolve this wonky

SirBoobAlot Thu 10-Jan-13 00:37:25

Fucking hell, some of you really should be ashamed of the things you have come out with on here. angry

A vulnerable, depressed woman in a relationship that she says is not okay and suffering with chronic pain badly enough for her to have to leave work early posts saying that she did something stupid, and her husband's reaction scared her... And some of you call her an abuser?

Christ of a bloody bike.

OP - that kind of messing around would have been totally normal in one of my old relationships, so understand that it would have been an average thing to do, which then got out of hand.

If you are still reading this, please speak to your midwife about the counselling that was suggested for you; it is possible to suffer from antenatal depression as well as post-natal, and even just having a support network in place to talk through the relationship issues you are (understandably) hesitant to post here may be useful.

Also, have you been offered any physio or water therapy for your SPD? I know how much it hurts, and how miserable it is.

And maybe consider starting a separate thread with a name change if needed to share the bigger issues within your relationship. This thread has been an absolute disgust, but MN is normally a wonderful supportive place to be.

Ihatexmas Thu 10-Jan-13 00:06:54

Jesus, what a bitchfest. Poor OP. There were clearly deeper issues at play here and no need for the harsh comments.

MadameOvary Thu 10-Jan-13 00:06:54

Definitely NOT MN at its best. It quickly became clear the incident was symptomatic of bigger issues but the OP still got lost in the ensuing bunfight.
OP sounded weary and vulnerable, not entitled and aggressive. Hope this thread gets deleted TBH.

pinguthepenguin Wed 09-Jan-13 23:59:14

Nolittle- your behaviour on this thread has been absolutely disgusting. I'm horrified.

OP I hope you come back and start a new thread.

Moominsarescary Wed 09-Jan-13 23:54:22

Fucking hell what an awful thread what is wrong with some of you

MrsWolowitz Wed 09-Jan-13 23:53:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EchoBitch Wed 09-Jan-13 23:52:06

A bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss Buddha,and there are some opinions that people hold that they should be ashamed of.

As for pitchforks,you do seem to be the one holding the biggest one.

You don't have to attack if you don't like an OP,you can just stay away if you have nothing useful to add.

iclaudius Wed 09-Jan-13 23:49:48

omg hope youbare ok op -

she only threw a nappy - you lot sound a right load of stick in th muds - its not so bad!!!!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Wed 09-Jan-13 23:48:48

< Yells Sock Attack at HoldMeCloser>


OP, ignore all the nonsense on here. Start another thread on Relationships and try to vocalise the problems in your relationship. Do not mention the balled up nappy.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 09-Jan-13 23:46:25

Mrsw. I am an adult, so why should I feel ashamed of my opinions. FFs. Note to new posters, only post on MN if you follow the majority, otherwise the pitch forks will be out

2013go Wed 09-Jan-13 23:45:14

OP, hope you post again, people seemed to go crazy on this thread, but there is a lot of helpful advice on here usually.
FWIW, I don't think urine usually poses a major health hazard, or necessitates a hot shower, as some have suggested

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Wed 09-Jan-13 23:38:19

chucks tea towel at Sabrina

OP, if you'd like to have the thread deleted, just ask mnhq. You could name change and start a new topic here in Relationships. Or, just pop back to this thread and talk some more if you like. Please don't be put off by infighting and sniping. The topic is here to be helpful and the vast majority of posters will be.

It can be scary/overwhelming when a thread takes off quickly.

MrsWolowitz Wed 09-Jan-13 23:25:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EchoBitch Wed 09-Jan-13 23:21:38

And i've never seen such a nasty response in relationships,usually it's a topic where ''If you haven't got anything nice/useful/supportive/helpful to say,say nothing at all'' is the norm.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Wed 09-Jan-13 23:09:04

Yes, and I agree to the locking of this thread - no point allowing the haterz piling in any more.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Wed 09-Jan-13 23:08:05

HoldMe CloserTonyDanza wrote:
"I just want to chime in that in our house, chucking a (dry on the outside, wee, rolled-up) nappy, or some balled-up socks, is not unheard of. For maximum points you have to sneak up on someone and yell "sock attack!". Things are never thrown in anger or hard enough to hurt someone and I always miss.
is normal for us and while I have been towel-attacked in the past when not in the mood my reaction was to say "ugh, no, I'm not in the mood". If my glasses were accidentally knocked off I would be cross and look cross and say crossly "Oi, what are you doing you eejit". Then I would accept the immediately-forthcoming apology.
I realise many MNers would apparently hate to live in my house. That's fine . But there is a massive difference between what we do, what the OP was trying to do, and throwing something in anger at your wife and toddler, so hard it breaks open and covers them with piss.
That would leave me shaken and upset, too, OP. I'm very sorry about this and about the frankly nasty reception you've had here. I hope you've had an apology."

This was closest to my take on all this. Me and dh have a 'horsing around' kind of relationship too, and quite honestly I think I may even have thrown a balled up nappy at him in the past. If it had accidentally hurt him, I would've have immediately run over saying 'Oh so sorry, that was meant to hit your chest' and he's have called me an arse, and laughed. And then proceeded to tickle me to death.

The point here is that there is something much bigger going on than the thrown nappy - OP was clearly upset and distressed and admitted that she was wrong on Page 1 but some Mnetters still just cannot resist putting the boot in.

EchoBitch Wed 09-Jan-13 23:07:02

MmeLindor is right,this thread should be locked or deleted,the poor woman has repeatedly said she was in the wrong and is sorry for her actions.

She needs support,not beating up,she's 7.5 months pregnant and in tears.

We don't know everything that's going on in her life and it doesn't sound like a bed of roses for either her or her DH.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 09-Jan-13 22:51:04

MDme, I goaded who? when? I expressed my views and others replied, do you consider RL conversation goading?

MmeLindor Wed 09-Jan-13 22:48:05

you might do well to remember that goading is also against the guidelines.

Can this thread not be locked, as it does the OP no good to come back and read it (if she even returns at all).

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 09-Jan-13 22:43:55

Olivia, I think souls post should be removed, she has directly accused me of trolling. Not just a reminder.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 09-Jan-13 22:41:12

saycheese I hope to get better at not replying to BS threads too.

OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 09-Jan-13 22:39:35

Our guidelines for anyone who may need them
Thanks all.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 09-Jan-13 22:38:54

How dare you call me a 'troll' simply because I don't agree with you, I have reported your post.

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